Last night, I walked along the riverfront of the Willamete River, on my way to pick up an application for employment at OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry,) after having gotten a tip from a bus-rider that they where hiring, and I thought long and hard about wiether, I am, in fact a terrible burden on society, due to my joblessness at the moment and my need for financial assistance, for both school and in order to eat, and how that makes me a hypocrite.
I came to a lot of conclustions; one being that some day I will actually, be totally self-sufficient; I feel confident about this fact, since I almost always do what I say I'm going to do, eventually, one way or another. I already have land in Upstate New York which is more then enough to suistain me and a small community, I already know a ton about farming, permiculture and the like, I am currently going to midwifery school so that I can be my community's health practitioner, I am learning more each day about medicinal and edible plants, and I already meet about 50% of my food-needs through foraging/gathering. I'd say I'm well on my way.
The other conclustion I came to was that, yes, I am a hypocrite. I still do lots and lots of things I don't approve of; I ride in cars, buses and sometimes even planes, (yikes!) I eat food that isn't always the best for me, nor organic, sometimes even factory-farmed stuff, (gasp,) I sometimes smoke, drug, use drugs, cause strife by having relationships and wanting people's attention (unfortunately, being human you have to deal with jealosy,) I don't always wash my recycling well (the fact that I still sometimes buy food in plastic containers is even a bigger bother to my moral system,) I create trash and waste and despite recycling my shit, blood, urine, riding my bike as often as possible, purchasing food into recycled containers at the food co-op as much as possible; I am no organic, hippy, environmental saint; I still feel bad about the cell phone I dropped in that lake in Minnesota this summer, for example (from time to time, I think about the toxic shit that is surely by now leaking out of that battery,) and I think about a young man whom had to suffer some unwanted sexual advances by me, also this summer in Minnesota and feel guilty about that, as well.
As a human, I make mistakes...both in the environmental sector, and in the human relationship sector; I sometimes write about things I later regret, I waste more paper at school then I want, I use the space heater in my freezing room more then I should, I do and say things that go directly against the morals I want to stand for, at times.
But I am doing my best. I'm making strides to become more and more the person I desire to be...just the fact that I've begun recycling my shit this year, and learning how to harvest wild foods of all sorts, and that I've increased my plant knowledge by leaps and bounds this year, and that I'm hanging out with a group of perimaculturist-smarty pants and increasing my knowledge that way, tells me that I am progressing in the way I see fit; I am, in fact, becoming what I say I'm going to be; an indepentant, system-free woman!
Someday, let it be known, I will not need a food stamp card; nor governemental assistance to attend school; nor will I make unwanted sexual advances on people someday, nor will I purchase food in plastic containers. But making all of these life-style changes do take time; luckily for me, I am young and have my entire life to work towards perfection!
Love ya,
Carrot
At first I wanted to argue with you and tell you "No, don't feel guilty, don't second guess, don't give up half way..."
But the more I read, the more I wanted to say, "that's right, you know the path you are on, and you know where you want to be. Go ahead, be dissatisfied, feel bad. There is motivation in that. Motivation to progress. Progress doesn't stop. There is no "end of the tunnel," let alone a light beyond. We are all on our own journey, seeking different goals, and progressing toward them.
Even destructionists like Basho are progressing, toward their own personal end.
Just don't stop being carrot, and all will be well. I trust in you, and I want to know when your land in New York will be available for our first club meeting. :idea:
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
I just saw Harold and Maude the other day, and it was wonderful..reminded me of a relationship I had with an elderly woman named Silver who I adore...she was just like Maude in many, many ways...
I think I gonna hitchhike down to Eugene OR to see her this upcoming weekend...it has been far too long since I've enjoyed vices with lovely Sliver...
What club meeting? Everyone's talking about this club that I'm not even aware of...
Love ya,
Carrot
I am so happy you finally watched it! It's my favorite movie on the planet.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
I realize the pressures to make society happy, but don't forget the value of your own personal happiness...
I knew there was a reason I liked you despite the fact that we don't agree or see eye to eye on certain things
challenge on...although I need not say this to you
"A person doesn't die when he should but when he can."
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude
"close your eyes, clear your heart..." Allama Iqbal...An Ode to the Cup Bearer<
despite recycling my shit, blood, urine
That was too real for me
I thought long and hard about wiether, I am, in fact a terrible burden on society, due to my joblessness at the moment and my need for financial assistance, for both school and in order to eat, and how that makes me a hypocrite.
Fuck society and it's stupid invisible rules. There's nothing written in stone saying you have to "contribute" anything. Although I understand your feelings. I want to destroy this society yet there are parts of it that I love. And I feel strongly on each end.
I'm curious about these sexual advances...
things that most people would not even spend their minutes thinking about, despite the fact that they- and I- should be just as much concerned over these things as you
"A person doesn't die when he should but when he can."
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude
"close your eyes, clear your heart..." Allama Iqbal...An Ode to the Cup Bearer<
I often wonder if there is something wrong with you too, especially when you talk about 'shit, blood' etc.
;;)
We all luv you none the less and which ever way you chose to go we are rooting for you and you are an inspiration... even if it is to make unwanted sexual advances on unexpecting others ;)
You really are going to have to explain this harassment thing and I can not wait till our club house meeting in New York.
Love is like a box of chocolates; if you chose wisely you won’t be disappointed and have to spit it out. ~T
I already have land in Upstate New York which is more then enough to suistain me and a small community
Americans used to be raised to be ashamed to accept charity. Part of the American pschy was self-reliance and independence. This entire blog seems to be a celebration of your own personal values with respect to independence and self-reliance. I'm glad that you realize the total hypocrisy of not living up to those ideals.
Now I find out that not only am I being taxed to support your self-indulgent parasitic lifestyle while you criticize the economy where I work hard and earn the money that is taxed to keep you from starving while you express no gratitude, shame and only contempt for how I earn my living. But now I find out that you have a huge asset and are therefore wealthy.
I bet there are a lot of hard working taxpayers who see the fruits of their labor confiscated to support you with foodstamps that don't own a farm in upstate New York big enough to support a community. Most of these people probably never will get to buy that farm or a similar asset of their choice because their hard earned wealth is transfered to people like you who are gaming the system.
If you are hungry, sell the farm or use it to take out a loan. Quit mooching off hardworking people who can only dream of having that kind of wealth.
And I think I should clarify...the farm isn't technically mine yet....it belongs to my parents until they die, and also, my sister and brother-in-law live there at the moment; so it really isn't mine, though I like to say it is.
I'm working hard to get a degree in the science of midwifery and am learning many valueable things for my future farm/community...just this morning I was on an herb/edible plant walk and I visited an intentional community to start getting a vision for what I want my community to be like some day...
I think these are very valuable things and since most college students these days require financial assistance, I've decided the financial assistance I've recieved isn't "mooching" but part of being a college student.
I have been working; and in fact, I'll be doing office work on Monday for a trauma surgeon who loaned me money for school. I don't often write about the work I do, because it is very boring compared with the rest of my life, but since I've been writing on ProgressiveU, I have paying jobs at : a homeless shelter, a domestic violence shelter, as a nanny, a landscaper, a construction worker...(how do you think I pay rent?) Lately, (maybe a month or so,) I have been unemployed, but I'm planning to apply to the Red and Black Cafe, a radical, worker-owned cafe, as well as OMSI...
So, I've decided that I am no mooch but I like your comments Jack because they always cause me to reassess my suituation.
Love ya,
Carrot
Peace
I find you so interesting and real. dont beat yourself up on issues that you can't change.
guilt is worthless.
(unfortunately, being human you have to deal with jealosy)
Yeah no kidding. I'm dealing with a bit of jealousy after hearing that you have friends who are interested in permaculture. Way groovy. Permaculture is an aphrodisiac.
my documentary...
"some folks say that a hippie won't steal,
but I caught three in my corn field"
--John Hartford
Yeah, I agree, permiculture is soooo hot! I'm learning a lot from being around some permiculture geeks.
Love ya,
Carrot
Haha, you make it sound like I've been aboard a Galley ship away at sea. When honestly I check back into ProU when I hear you've made a swell post.
my documentary...
"some folks say that a hippie won't steal,
but I caught three in my corn field"
--John Hartford