Preventing Attacks!!!

I had a very difficult conversation with a client on Monday. For the first time, she indicated to me a desire to part with her boyfriend, who is also in our program for homeless addicts. She feels threatened, however, not only because he has hit her in the past and, she feels, will do so again. She feels cornered because she doesn’t feel like she can report the abuse. She is afraid that he or one of his “associates” will kill her if she does.

I really struggled with what I should tell her, because she does not see a lot of options, and I certainly didn’t want to disempower her by reporting it. I wanted her to feel safe with me. I thought I would take this interaction to climb back onto my feminist pulpit to talk about “preventing” rape or abuse.

I hate that word when used in this context.. It is so frequently told to victims (you could have prevented… Prevent an attack!) and it’s bullshit. There is no way to prevent an attack. The only person that can prevent a rape or abuse is the blasted perpetrator. After all, you don’t rape yourself! And no one asks for it, I don’t care what you wore or said or did last time.

What I did with this client, then, was talk to her about her plan. She insisted that “If he ever puts his hands on me again…” she report him. Personally, I think that’s hogwash, because I’ve seen the results of the beatings he’s put on her. However, this is not my decision, and I needed to let her decide for herself. So instead, we talked about who she would call, does she have the numbers, where can she go, and how will she get there? By doing this, I hoped to help instill some personal power to equip her to take care of herself.

I do not normally feel as edgy or threatened as I did Monday. Unfortunately, she has not been here regularly for the rest of the week, which is unusual for her, and I believe that she’s drinking again. I definitely hope that my fears are unfounded.

This was one of the hardest days I’ve had in my current position.