How About Some Unwanted Relationship Advice?

I've been married for almost a good, six years now. And when I say "good," I actually mean it. There are quite a few people I know who are not happy in their current relationships, or who just broke up after several years of being together. It really bothers me when I see someone I respect and care about struggle to get along with their significant others. Personally, I've been there and it really sucks. Lucky for me, I finally found a good woman who still hasn't realized that she could do better if she really wanted to. Too late... Our first child was born last September, so she's really in it now.

Many people (women) always ask me how we do it, how we keep it "fresh" and "exciting;" and how we manage to get along so well after all this time. I don't know... Ice cream? Actually, there is a certain level of common sense that two people have to SHARE in order to be happy together. For example: When my wife and I first met, she was worried that we wouldn't last because it appeared that we had nothing in common. She was a stud, collegiate athlete, a two-time academic all-American with two degrees, a successful entrepreneur, a socially-conscious environmentalist and an overall health and fitness nut. I, on the other hand, was a pack-a-day chain smoker who needed a defibrillator to play softball (1st Base), ate Matt's Cookies for breakfast with a taco chaser, drove a gas-guzzling SUV and spent a considerable amount of time swapping hours for dollars as an unappreciated employee while still going to school part-time.

I suppose "Love at first sight" is the only way to explain this ridiculousness because four months after we met, we were engaged.

Although many viewed this as a recipe for disaster, people gradually started to realize that we were exactly the same. Even though we lived very different lives, our common bond was that we grew up the same way and viewed our worlds as very similar. We both came from small families that struggled financially, which helped us shape our work ethic and middle-class beliefs, which eventually led to our common goals to strive to become wealthy. We also found that we were both incredibly loyal and incredibly NOT lazy.

And we both shared the same sense of humor. You know how hard it is to find a smart woman who actually understands male sarcasm? Trust me, they are NOT easy to find. I don't care how many times a girl laughs at your jokes. You can safely bet 70% of the time she was just placating to the sensitive male ego and that a couple of months from now, those same jokes will offend and annoy her. That's why VERY FEW women are referred to as "cool chicks." You have nice girls, you have smart girls, you have pretty girls and you have witty girls. Only fifteen guys I know (including me) have all of the above. The rest fight like cats and dogs and are in miserable relationships...

Comedian Chris Rock said it best: "People tell you life is short? No it's not. Life is LONG. Especially if you make the wrong decisions." With that, I'd like to share some warning signs for both men and women that may come in handy when getting to know someone:

1) Do NOT date anyone over 25 who still likes to sleep past 10 AM, unless it's a quick nap after morning sex or if that person works late at night. Other than that, the person's just too damn lazy to do anything else.

2) Do NOT date anyone who doesn't like to read. That means they're dumb and dumb people get old quickly.

3) Guys: Do NOT marry a woman who needs to pick out her engagement ring to her own specifications. If your love and devotion are not good enough for her, then neither will your money be, no matter how much you make.

4) Do NOT date anyone who doesn't have any friends. If your mate's only friends are YOUR friends, you have a problem. A young person who can't make and retain his/her own friendships is either selfish or crazy. Either way, it's too much baggage for you to carry...

5) Do NOT marry anyone who's inconsiderate around the house. I understand we're not perfect, but if a person can't help around the house and share in chore duties, you will tire of that person quickly.

6) Do NOT marry anyone who wants to have children quickly. I don't care if they're 48-years-old. Children should only be the result of careful planning in a positive relationship. Make sure you two can go a couple of years without killing each other first, before bringing a child into the fray. And if religion becomes a combative issue, you're in for a long haul...

7) When you DO get married, keep your accounts separate and split the bills down the middle. Open a common savings account, but keep everything else separate. This saves a lot of headaches over money, especially when you're first starting out.

Keep it simple and keep it honest. Understand these few suggestions and the rest will be easier to talk about as they come up. If you just enjoy each other and if your positive gestures are reciprocal, you're looking at 50 years together, regardless of how different you may initially seem.