Decisions.

… I’m unhappy. To put it simply. Life is about making decisions and it can be a struggle for those of us who cannot make a final choice. I mean gosh you would think I could make one single itty bitty choice for once. Just say “Yes” Stop hesitating. Figure out what I want and don’t take what I can get. With the games I keep playing, someone’s going to get hurt I know. Maybe one day it will be me. As much as I try to protect myself, I need to realize I can’t. I just can’t. The world is not mine to control and yes I do have say so on what happens in my life, but everything is not going to go my way. Life isn’t Burger King. My heart, yes the one I pretend that hasn’t been scratched, is going to get bruised, crushed, if not ripped right out my chest. But I suppose that’s a decision to make. Do you, do I, want that someone? That person to share everything with. The fantastic, the miserable, the joy, and the downright painful. That’s the decision I must make. As difficult as it is, do I grow up and make a choice. Decide what I want, and if its not there, pass up the next best thing? Wait to fall? Fall with the hope that someone is there to catch me. And if there is no one, pray for a safety net? But what if there is someone? Do I fall into there arms and wait? Wait for the fantastic, the miserable, the joy, and the downright painful ending when my heart gets ripped out. I just realized I do not want to make decisions because I don’t want to take responsibility for my life. I do not want to be held responsible if I make the wrong choice and mess up. So I make no decisions and sit idle. Waiting for life or someone else to push me into where they believe I should be. Ironically, my sick and twisted way is harming not helping. Decision making or not, I am still held accountable for my life.