My friend died yesterday.She committed suicide.She looked at herself in the mirror.I could see the pain,as she slit her wrists and then relief wash over her.I could have stoppped her.I could have yelled and called for help.But I didn't.I just watched her,watched her die.Her blood staining her clothes...my clothes.
I was her closest friend,closer than her own shadow.We went to school together,played together,hung out together,went on dates together.She wasn't religious.But she believed in God,she was more of a spiritual person."The little voce inside my head",as she used to fondly call me.It was I,who told her what to do and what not to do.You may think I did the wrong thing.You may think that being her closest friend I should have saved her life.But there was,no other way for me.I could have told her to,not give up hope...to wait for the light at the end of the tunnel.But what for? She was so wrapped up in her own misery.She was far away from any reality.Only death could have given her the peace,that she much longed for.
Her father was a stranger to her.She felt so awkward in front of him.She never knew what to say.So,she just shut up and listened to her dad talk.Her mother had worries of her own.According to her no one in this wide world could have worries more than her.She wanted her daughter to be what she thought was good for her.My friend at times loathed her mother for making her feel so small and worthless.She just wanted to yell at her to go away.But she was taught to be polite and respect for her elders and never to argue with them.So she shut up and listened to her mum talk.She never felt any love from her family and she in turn didn't love herself.Her other friends were completely unaware of her family problems.To them,she was a funny,sassy and a beautiful girl.And she pretended that,that was all to her.So her friends talked and she shut up and listened.
When people you love or are close to die,it feels like the world has ceased to exist.Ofcourse it ain't true.It just the grief that makes you feel that way.
But,what if I told,that I ceased to exist from the moment she slit her wrists.As I have mentioned before,I was closer to her than her shadow.She lived in me and I in her.Now that she is gone I no longer feel alive.Iam just a voice now,floating in the sky.
I was her split personality.
