On the Hunt for Neverland

Do you ever just have one of those weeks? One of those times where nothing seems to be going right and no matter what you do, you can’t shake yourself out of the funk you’re in? Nothing is the way it should be, the past haunts you, and you can’t help but see the negative side to everything. Well, you are not alone.

The unexpected are ridiculously unexpected. Some of the strangest things have happened recently and I feel caught between the past and the future, but I don’t fit into the present and the present doesn’t fit for me.

I was with a friend yesterday and we were discussing “old times”…those times that fill you with a temporary smile and leave you spending hours pondering on later. Who would have thought eight years ago that a simple skating trip would be making me depressed right now? Really, it’s not so much what happened then, but what it represents.

The past represents a time of fun and hardship. More often than not, it’s easy to complain about the hardships of the past. However, there are those days with childhood friends that leave you smiling over the weirdest things. At those times, you consider the hardships of today and how complicated life is now, and wish for the “good ol’ days” where life was simple and fun. Also, you wonder why things have to get complicated. Why can’t we just go back to the times where fun was simply playing with a big group of kids and “big fights” lasted all of two hours (at most!)?

Why does growing up have to hurt so much and why can’t things be easier? Why does maturity come in sudden shocks? For example, moving away, a loved one dying, losing a friendship, a natural disaster, etc are all big things that bring people to new phases in their lives. They are sudden and unexpected, no matter how long you have had to prepare for them. I remember the day Dad lost his job. I was sitting in the car on a Tuesday morning writing a letter and my mom was on the phone freaking out. From what she was saying, I knew Dad had lost his job. My whole life, my whole outlook on things changed that day. I remember the moment my mom told me months later that we were moving from my childhood home to go live a thousand miles away. I don’t think she could have hurt me more if she’d slapped me across the face. I wondered why life had to be so hard. What I didn’t realize then is that it could be a whole lot harder.

It seems like, with every phase of life, you have to take the good with the bad. Good has come with every aspect of my life (even moving). However, there have been negative aspects of most events in my life. I guess that without the hardships, we couldn’t appreciate the good (after all, we’d have nothing to compare the good to). This is a small comfort as I tackle tomorrow, looking back upon yesterday with nostalgia, and knowing that the present only hurts. Tomorrow brings hope and yesterday provides wisdom. The present is something that can be good or bad, depending upon how you look at it.

However, I’m still going to keep searching for Neverland. Anyone want to come?