Dear guys and girls,
I'm a (female) high school senior on the lookout, not only for my own knight in shining armor, but for all knights. Chivalry is important in this day and age. With the big feminism movements over the past 100 years, many guys have lost that. I want you to know that there are some girls left who do love chivalry and do appreciate sweet guys.
Growing up, I watched the various Disney princesses. Like Snow White, I knew that "someday my prince will come." I have faith that some day, he will come, sweep me off my feet, and we'll live happily ever after (to an extent). As I've gotten older, the Mr. Darcys of life have taken hold of my affections (really, you can't get much better than Darcy!). I think part of the reasons so many girls love the Prince Charmings and Mr. Darcys are because we don't meet enough of them.
Watching the guys in today's times, I feel strongly that our society has lost that incredibleness. Where are the guys to open the doors, give you their coats on a cold night, and look at you as a woman and not as a sex object? I want one of those guys. I want a guy who knows what's going on in the society around him, has opinions, and wants to do something about it. I want a guy to love me and to cherish me, not because of my body, but because of my heart and soul.
Guys, know how important it is to be a man. Being a man is more than sports, being macho, and being charming. Being a MAN is making decisions when you know they're for the best. Being a MAN is standing up for your beliefs and being strong in your faith. Being a MAN is respecting women and being a "nice guy." Being a MAN is never giving up on the important things and rarely on the little things. Being a MAN is caring about more than yourself. Being a MAN is knowing that you're in charge of a woman's heart and you need to love HER, because she's yours. Being a MAN is overcoming the temptations of today's age that want to strip you of your masculinity and tell you you're no different from a woman. You ARE different. Each sex has its own unique qualities. You are a MAN, so act like one.
Girls, let them be men! I KNOW you can open the door for yourself, but let the guy do it. I KNOW you are capable of most things that men are capable of, but why do you have to prove yourself? Yes, we can do things for ourselves, but we can also let them be chivalrous. If we take away that chivalry, we take away their masculinity. Taking away their masculinity strips us of our femininity. WE can change things. We have the power to say no when things get hot. We have the power to make standards and make guys meet them. We have the power to do a lot of things, while also letting guys have their power. So respect the boundaries and just let it go. BE A WOMAN. Being a woman is a whole lot more than opening your own doors and lifting heavy objects. Being a woman IS letting men be men. Being a woman IS setting high standards. Being a woman IS caring about more than yourself. Being a woman IS more than what you can do with your body; it's your capacity to love and to be loved. Let us share that and make men out of boys. In this way, we will make women out of girls.
If there's anyone out there who feels the same way, then please be sure to say so. Chivalry isn't necessarily cool right now, but it's still awesome and there are still people who appreciate it. Sharing your opinion might turn chivalry into the next black. Guys, be cool, be caring, be CHIVALROUS. Girls, be smart, be strong, be SWEET. Be MORE than what SOCIETY calls for.
Sincerely,
Sara
Feminism didn't kill "chivalry." No one is taking "chivalry" away from men. If a man feels like less of a man because a women decides not to act helpless to appease him, he's perfectly welcome to go find a girl who will.
Holding doors open for people doesn't make you manly, it makes you courteous. I always appreciate a door being held for me, rather than have it swing towards my face when I want to get inside a building, but I'm not going to stand around and wait for it to be held open. Even if there happens to be a man walking up behind me to go inside the same, I'm not going to wait for him to get to the door and open it for me, I'm going to go inside. I'll even hold the door open for him.
If a guy wants to be a man, it's about respecting people, including women, and including himself. There's more to respect than holding doors open and lifting heavy objects. I can change the oil in my car all by myself. Why should I have to find a big strong man to do it for me? If someone can't respect himself enough to be ok with the fact that I'm a big girl who doesn't have to depend on him for everything, if I have to hide my talents to appease his ego, he's not worth my time.
Chivalry was never about men and women. It was a code that knights lived by that taught them how to act in battle and how to act in a duel (don't kick a man when he's down, give fair warning of a fight, don't fight someone obviously weaker than you, etc.). It also included general manners, like at mealtime and regarding cleanliness. The first knights were, basically, paid killing machines, and implementing a code of chivalry was a way to keep them in check.
So, Chivalry didn't die; people just don't understand that it was never about men taking care of helpless women. And, today, it shouldn't mean anything more than a fancy word for respect, courtesy, and manners. It's something that should be practiced by everyone, not just men.
I'd prefer a man who is courteous of his own accord, not because I've given him the impression that he has to in order to win my love. There's a difference between being grateful for a nice gesture, and acting helpless in order to get people to take care of you.
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Good points, sawaboof.
It's not so much acting helpless. It's letting men be men and women be women. Women don't have to be totally helpless, but men are (in general) the physically stronger sex.
And I will, too. A guy holding the door open for you is more if you're with a guy or in a group, the guy should be aware and think about it and try to open the door.
Like I said, there are a lot of things that we don't have to depend upon men to do for us. Assuming that you're single, then you don't have a guy to change your oil and that's awesome you know how (I don't : P). But when it comes to smaller stuff, like holding open a door, stating "I can do it myself" is unnecessary, because as I said, why do we have to prove ourselves?
That's correct. However, another definition of chivalry is "courtesy towards women." It's commonly used to refer to a gentleman. And no, chivalry's not dead, but sadly, many people think it is. Everyone should practice the aspects of chivalry (respect and courtesy), but we also need to practice accepting it.
Again, I don't mean it as women should be helpless. I do not look upon myself as helpless. I think there are quite a few things I could do for myself and never have to rely on a man to do it. However, men and women do work in harmony, and I think the knowledge that we can do it without the other only makes the fact that the other is doing it for us even more beautiful. There are things men can do for themselves (cook, tie ties, iron clothes, etc), but that wives love doing for their husbands (that's not to say that no men can cook or iron or that all women love to cook and iron). But just because we can manage on our own doesn't mean that we have to reject help from someone else.
Well, I want a man to be courteous in general, as well. It will be easy enough to pick out whether or not he's genuine. If a man's nice to you and a jerk to everyone else, he's obviously a jerk. However, courtesy and respect for others should be a part of him and thus he would be a "nice guy."
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
there's a point were its not even a matter of "chivalry" its a matter of behaving like a decent person.
"How can we win where fools can be kings" Muse
But everyone should be decent...I'm talking about going beyond "decent."
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
we all have our own definitions of "decent"
"How can we win where fools can be kings" Muse
I agree with your blog, but also with sawaboof's reponse. There's definitely a balance between being chivalric and being dominant that all men have to find.
Read and comment as you like.... http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/starving-musician
Thanks! Yes, sawaboof definitely brought up some good points. There is and there's also a balance that women have to find from not being helpless, but letting men be men. It's just another complicated part of this complicated thing called life. : ) Really, it's like a ballet. It's all really complicated, but if you can get it to work, it's smooth, amazing, and beautiful.
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
Because some girls are feminsts and get all pissy when a guy does something for her, a lot of guys just don't do it any more because their act of kindness has been shunned. Paying for dinner is another big one. At first, my current boyfriend payed for absolutely everything and still basically does. (That doesn't mean that I never pay for things, I do occasionally). This just shows that a guy knows that you can pay for something but he's giving up his money, the things that most people love the most, for a girl he likes (or loves).
Girls be a girl, don't try to be the man; there are two different genders for a reason.
That is a really awesome point! Both sexes contribute to the relationship in different ways. The whole dinner thing is a good example. Maybe one night, the guy pays for it and another night a girl makes dinner for him.
And I TOTALLY agree with the last statement ;)
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
I was once carrying a box of bottled water and stopped to get the door for a friend of mine when she wasn't carrying anything. She yelled! It was only very recently I became comfortable with the idea of my girlfriend paying her way at a theater or when we're out to eat. She insists.
"How can we win where fools can be kings" Muse