The other day, I was sitting in the break room for lunch. I was tired and exhausted, and glad to finally have a break from drawing blood. There were a few other people in there, including, at one point, the guy who is training me. We were just chatting, enjoying ourselves, and one of the ladies eating her lunch says she thinks she needs to find her husband another job. Why? Because he came home one day saying that he wanted to 'shoot himself in the face.'
Now, this lady knew her husband was not suicidal; he was just venting that he hated his job, and that's the way he chose to express it. Well, my trainer heard this and stopped all movement. He asked, very cautiously, if she had told him to seek help. She told him her husband was not suicidal, and, in response, he gave her a dubious look before telling her she should consider counseling. He then walked out the door.
I have no doubt that this woman knew her husband well enough to know he was not suicidal. I also have no doubt he really didn't intend to kill himself, just by the emphasis he put on face (he didn't just want to shoot himself... he wanted to shoot himself in the face). The other people in the room easily took her word for it that he was not suicidal for the same reason I did, and rolled their eyes at the concern of my trainer.
This made me think; how easily are those with suicidal thoughts dismissed because people are joking? At what point do we stop thinking these people are joking, or merely exaggerating, and take their statements for what they are? I don't have an answer for the question, except to simply be aware of this person's general mood in the days after such a declaration. It may be a coverup for something more hidden. Then again, maybe not. But why take that chance?
committed suicide about a year ago. We were shocked, but she wasn't. He was a great guy, always happy. He loved to help out. He was a surgical technician. He loved his job. He worked with us too, but he had injured his back, and couldn't work as much.
My coworker is also really upbeat, with a great sense of humor. I've heard her talk about her husband before he died. She always talked fondly of him, and made a lot of jokes about little arguments they would have.
I finally got to speak to her alone about it maybe 4 months ago. She is engaged to be married now. She is really happy. In regards to her husband, she said that he had tried it before. She said that he had been addicted to pain medication. She had a strange feeling the day it happened, called him, and in a panic drove home. She found him in his car, the engine turned on.
She explained to me that he had been depressed because of living in pain, and not being able to provide the same way he was used to. She said they had a hard marriage, that he had asked her to leave him because he felt guilty. She said she was going to stick it out with him no matter what. She did. She said she refuses to live in guilt now, and she hopes he has found some happiness now.
I know this doesn't answer your question, but I do think people will often joke about things nonchalantly as a way to acknowledge and at the same time dismiss something they don't want to deal with.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
One of my neighbors committed suicide last weekend. No one would have guessed he was suicidal. He was always smiling, saying hello, etc., and not just in a polite way, but in a genuinely warm, happy way. We are all shocked. We're all wishing there had been some clue so we could have intervened.
"Never go with a hippy to a second location."
~Jack Donaghy
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
You're right, that it's hard to know. From my experience, it's often the people who are happiest on the outside who are hurting the most on the inside.
And that's comin' at ya' from yer local redneck hippie.
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Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!!!