"Can I ha dat? I ha dat, (escalating screeching) I HAAAAAA DAT!!"
Me: "Say please."
"OKAY, OKAY, OKAAAAAAAY!"
Every time I tell my daughter, "Say please?" She answers me, "OKAY!"
I thought about it, and I talked with my husband about how we can teach this little beast manners. I try to think like a child when solving these kinds of problems. I suggested to my husband, "Maybe if we model the behavior she'll start to get it. Instead of asking her to say please, we should make a point of saying please to her every time we ask her for something."
Good theory, I thought. Not so immediately effective, but she was getting better. Parenting is all about repetition, and patience.
I thought we were doing the best we could.
We started my daughter in pre-pre-school at the end of August. She was only 26 months old. We had her going on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I stayed home with her until my maternity leave ended, and then I went back to work. I am an RN and my husband is a Licensed Psychiatric Technician (kind of like an LVN, but specialized in psych nursing). He dropped out of his second semester of nursing school when we found out I was pregnant. I make more money, so it only made sense for me to work. My husband stayed home with the baby during the week, and worked one day a week on weekends.
About a year ago I took care of a woman whose husband was telling me about the Lutheran school down the street. He was the principle and his wife a 6th grade teacher. He told me they have school for 2 year olds through 8th grade, and they don't require the child to be potty trained when they start. The price was more than reasonable. I had previously thought I would wait until she was 3 to put her in preschool. We had been practicing with "Daddy and me classes."
We decided to give it a try. The main reason being that we were having a hard time teaching her manners, and we felt she is very understimulated at home. She is a very smart girl who requires constant attention. It's hard to get the laundry done, do the dishes, keep up the house, go shopping, cook, and entertain a two-year old. Especially when she is an only child. My husband took her to the school, to check it out, and let her see what it was like. She was so excited, she jumped out of his arms, and played for an hour. When it was time to go, she threw a full on screaming, kicking fit. We were excited.
We spent a month getting to know the school, the teachers and parents. I was a little nervous about it being a Lutheran school, mainly because I don't want my kid being brainwashed. The more I saw of it, the more I liked it. It isn't a daycare. There are different structured activities every 30 minutes.
On her first day, my husband didn't work so he could pick her up at any time if she couldn't handle it. I got a call at noon that day from my husband. "I have to pick Elia up. She got a black eye." "What?' Apparently she was walking behind the swings and a boy kicked her eye. My husband said she was a snivelling mess when he picked her up.
The next time she went she cried, put her hand over her eye and said, "BACK EYE, oh no." We were worried, but left her anyway. When we picked her up they said she stopped crying after 5 minutes and had a great day. We thought we were okay.
The next few times were more difficult. They said there was another kid in the class who cried a lot, and they thought the two were feeding off of each other. They said she was pretty much crying for the first 3 hours. I started to doubt my decision. I talked to everyone I know. Most people, including the child psychiatrist I work with, said we just needed to stick it out. Some people were a little more opposed. One friend of mine really made me feel bad when she was talking about her own kids, saying staying home for the first 4 years were so important, and until then kids don't have the independence to handle being away from their parents.
The next time I took her to school, I had to be at work early, so I dropped her off at 6:45. It was really early, so I knew it would be a hard day. There was only one other boy there. My baby grabbed a book, and her blankie, and sat in a little rocking chair, tears streaming down her face, rocking herself back and forth. My heart sank, and i had a nauseous feeling all day. I was really ready to give up at that very moment. My husband and I talked and agreed to give it 2 more weeks.
Miraculously, within a week, she was totally excited about school. She would tell me "I pway with fwends en teacher." One day she said, "Zacawee, I love you" in her little sing song voice. i asked her teacher if there was a kid named Zachary, she said, "Oh yeah, that's the little boy who cried with her all the time."
Since then, my daughter says, "Please," "Danx," and "God bless you!" when I sneeze. She sings songs I didn't teach her, and does her exercises, "I toucha my toes, up high, ceucles" as she circles her arms. One day she came home, and said proudly, "Mommy, I'm diffwent!" I started laughing so hard, She came out of her room with a drum that had a strap around her neck, drumming rhythmically, and said, "I drumming a beat, I drumming to the beat!"
Since starting school, her vocabulary has tripled, she's learned manners, and she has made fwends. She is learning about empathy. Now every time she hears a baby make noise, she starts to whine, "Oh no, a baby cwying, a baby cwying! Now she goes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. My husband gets to work full time. She has learned how to be secure with herself even when we aren't there, which I believe is a very healthy thing. I am so glad we stuck it out. I definitely see the value of early education of children.
All though I think it was a little early for her to be in school, I'm proud you and your little girl. I kind of wish my parents had done that to me so that maybe i would be a little less shy and more confident.
Is it bad that I'm still thinking about how your husband dropped out of school to be a stay at home dad? I just think it's awesome, that's all. Stay at home dads are few and far between.
And this really was a very nice blog altogether. I'm glad it had a happy ending, what with the sing songs and fwends. :)
~ *~
This is a signature, an automated thingy that pops up when I comment, not a demand to see my blog!
Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
I am so grateful for my husband. When my baby was born she had to go the NICU and I wasn't well enough to visit her for 2 days. He followed the doctor there, and held her little hand while they did a spinal tap and stuck a feeding tube down her nose. He stayed with her most of the time, visiting me every 3 hours or so. He was her first contact outside of my womb.
Some people see how attached she is to my husband, and ask me if I am or assume that I'm jealous. When he's home, she'll actually tell me "Go away!" sometimes and cling to him.
Honestly, I don't mind one bit. I am so happy because I know how important dads are, especially to little girls. She is going to grow up to be one very healthy, secure woman, and she won't need to find her self worth in sex because the bond with her dad is forever cemented.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
Oh yes, that's a very special kind of relationship. From what I've seen, there are only some girls who can claim that kind of connection to Dad.
I for one have only lived with my father my entire life, save for maybe when I was a baby. He's the one who raised me, taught me to be a good person, and supports me in whatever I do.
~ *~
This is a signature, an automated thingy that pops up when I comment, not a demand to see my blog!
Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
I'm the opposite. I only lived with my dad until I was 7 or so, and lived with my mom most of my life. My dad and I don't have the greatest of relationships, largely because I still blame him for some pretty major mistakes he made when I was a kid. We've just never really knitted our relationship back together.
My mom, on the other hand, supports me in whatever I decide to do, and helps me out the best she can. I think she feels guilty a lot of the time, because I help her out so much in return, but she's the best.
~C
Check out the latest entry in the Between The Lines column!
Want the highest rated list to change? RATE those blogs, then!
I had to read it, because I had to know what the heck you were talking about!
Nice blog.
"Never go with a hippy to a second location."
~Jack Donaghy
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
It's not original though, it's a segment on Playhouse Disney. Every time I see it I sing the song to my baby, and she laughs.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
That's great that she's making friends and learning a lot! When I was little, I loved learning and my mom ended up deciding to home school because she taught me a bunch of stuff before my age group learned the same stuff. LOL One thing you'll have to watch out for if she loves to learn is her getting bored with school because it's easy. Encouraging extra curricular learning could help, if it does come to that.
That's also beautiful about your husband :) I know of only one homeschooling family with a stay-at-home dad. They're awesome :) Like you said, dads are really important to girls. I think a lot of girls go searching for love in all the wrong places because they lacked that bond with their fathers.
Beautiful family!
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
I've been wanting to post a picture with my name, but I can't seem to figure it out. I noticed you changed yours. Would you mind telling me how?
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
Sure! Go to "My Account" then to "Edit" And then there should be something if you scroll down a little where you can upload a picture. Let me know if this isn't specific enough!
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
It took my husband several tries and almost an hour to shrink it down enough, but we did it!
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
Glad you got it figured out! She's ADORABLE, BTW!!!!!!
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
I wish we could fav stories, because this one would be my number one <3 So cute <3
The stories that get the most five star ratings end up on the Highest Rated list, and become, in essence, site-wide faves.
"Never go with a hippy to a second location."
~Jack Donaghy
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I swear I could hear a two-year-old's voice as I read her quotes in the story. My heart feels all warm!
Congratulations, by the way.
-Sonja :)
"I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" ~ Peter Finch as Howard Beale, 1976, "Network"
I didn't know there was such a thing as "pre-pre-school". Is it like a daycare kind of thing?
Your husband dropping out of school was surprising to me, you just don't hear about the father dropping out, but in your case with making more money I guess it makes sense.
Awesome post, I enjoyed it.
She goes to Immanuel Lutheran School (they are all over the country). They start at 24 months. Her class is 2 and 3 year olds. The next door class is 3-4 year olds.
They follow "a developmentally based educational program." Unlike most daycares where kids play with each other under adult supervision, her class has a structured activity every 30 minutes. Every day they have music circle, arts and crafts, and outside play (my daughter says she likes "Baskitbaw," and "Sawker."
She has homework (which she is bad about). Her homework is usually to color a picture the color of the week. She wants to use her own colors. If I hand her the correct color, she breaks the crayon in half, and says, "Oh no, It bwoken!" She is definitely her own independent person!
Every week they wear a different color, and bring objects from home that are that color for show and tell. It's really "Awsumm!" as my daughter would say.
They take field trips. They went to a pumpkin patch before Halloween and she had to bring home the biggest pumpkin! All the other kids had pumpkins they could hold, but my Elia had to have a "BIGGA One."
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
I love this story. I was a child care provider for many years and I can hear the little voice the way you wrote it.~angi~
Yesterday she was watching Finding Nemo. My husband told me that she was crying at the beginning, saying "OH NO, Nemo. Nemo's daddy gone, oh no!" He said she wouldn't let him turn it off. When Nemo did find his daddy at the end, she shouted "Hooway, Nemo en Nemo's daddy!"
I don't know if this is "normal" but I am amazed that a 2 year old understands empathy.
Oh, something else that she does. If she gets hurt, one of us picks her up and pats her back to comfort her. While she is crying, she pats our back as if to comfort us at the same time.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
Kids and empathy are amazing. My dad died about 6 years ago. My cousin's little girl was 2 at the time and, a few weeks after it happened, she picked up a picture of my dad and asked who it was. My cousin told her it was Uncle Fred. She replied, "oh... Sawa's daddy. I sowy Sawa," and toddled around hugging the photo for a few minutes.
Maybe we lose empathy as we get older, not learn it, and we need kids around to remind us what it is.
"What a crazy random happenstance!"
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Read my Blog!
And I am sorry that you lost your father. You seem too young to have to have already experienced such a loss. I've been surprised to discover how many people on ProU have lost loved ones too early.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
AWWWWWWWWW! I know that's how I respond at like...every post you make about your daughter, but she is SO CUTE!!!!!!! Seriously, I'm bouncing up and down and my seat right now to keep from squealing cause my mom's asleep in the room next to me. : P You should seriously keep a diary or write a book or something. : )
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
Another little snippet of cuteness.
My daughter's favorite food is cubed tofu. She discovered it in miso soup. Her other favorite is gwounbebes (strawberries). Bluebebes were the first favorite, until my husband planted strawberries and would take her outside to pick her own bebes, hence gwounbebes (groundbebes).
So she comes home from school, and I ask her what she had for lunch, she looks at me and says proudly, "Tofu."
Oh no, they're teaching her how to talk like a big girl! I am sad, I like coobies better than tofu. :{
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
Awww! Speaking of little kids and strawberries...when I was little (3-4), we had some wild strawberries growing in the backyard. Well, the plant produced one strawberry. I was sooo excited. I checked that thing every day. We even put chicken wire around it to keep the birds away. Well, a day or two before it was ready to be picked, a stupid turtle came and ate it! I was soooo mad. Dumb turtle. However, I think I got my revenge because my mom accidentally ran over a turtle a few days later while on the lawn mower. Hehehehe.
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
That's... Kind of horrible. :-/
"What a crazy random happenstance!"
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Read my Blog!
Which part? That the merciless turtle ate my precious strawberry or that it came to a horrible death at the wheels of an even more merciless lawn mower?
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
Why'd you have to post that? Turtles are my favorite animal, besides cuttlefish. Didn't you catch my username?
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
I like turtles, too! Just not that one : P
Haha, when I was typing "turtle", it felt really familiar, so I was trying to figure out where in the world I would have typed it enough to become familiar. : P Then I remembered your sn. Hehe
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
The part where having your own shell break into pieces that rip your insides apart is an appropriate punishment for eating a strawberry.
"What a crazy random happenstance!"
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
Read my Blog!
*giggles* Well, I tend to be slightly vicious when it comes to my stuff. : P I wouldn't have necessarily carried out the punishment myself, but I didn't really feel bad for the turtle cause it deserved it. : P
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
because I didn't want them to fly away. I pulled worms apart because they grew into two, which was way cool. I killed many snails trying to make them have sex by rubbing their bellies against each other. I didn't know they were asexual and this created a similar reaction to having salt poured on them. So I guess I can sort of understand? Sort of, except it doesn't give me pleasure to think about it now.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
I can't stand ladybugs...the part of the country I live in gets them into the house during the fall...they seriously infest the house until they die and then you have a bunch of dead lady bugs all over your window sills...they STINK.
Oh, and did you know that salamanders grow back if you pull their tails off? I've never done it, but that's what Mom says...
LOL I just don't think of the turtle being smushed; I just think of my revenge, so that's how I manage to not feel sorry for it. : P
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
That's awesome! From what I've noticed, it is important to raising kids to be consistent. As my math teacher last year put it, "The last thing you want is a 3 year old saying, 'Mommy, you lied!'" In this particular example, she said she told her kid to clean her room for ice cream and then forgot to give it to her.
But really, if you suddenly change your rules, the kid will get so confused. My little sister's autistic, and when we first started potty training her, it was terrible. She would purposefully go everywhere but the bathroom. But of course we stuck with it (in part because she was four or five), and she eventually got used to it. She can ask to go potty when she needs to, but sometimes uses it to get out of task. ^.^ She still needs a diaper at night, but that's okay.
From what I've heard about religious schools, the good ones focus little on the religion with little kids and try to incorporate bits and pieces of it into learning other things, like manners. I have to admit that, though I share your fears about brainwashing, religious schools can be more effective than secular ones. I almost find it pathetic, but I'm probably just biased.
Well, I'm glad you found a good way to work with your daughter. She's so cute, by the way!
-----
Do read my post fully. Not only does it help you understand my point instead of making rash statements, but it also gives me some semblance of faith that people can read and understand an argument.
I don't think it's a bad thing to start kids out in any sort of day school early... there's only so much you can do by staying at home all day, or even going on playdates. I don't think daycare or school should take the place of good parenting at home, but adding variety with school can be good for them as well.
~C
Check out the latest entry in the Between The Lines column!
Want the highest rated list to change? RATE those blogs, then!
As a preschool teacher, i can safely say I hardly have any children who come in knowing manners or social graces.
These are things that need TO BE TAUGHT. I'm glad you at least tried.
as a preschool teacher, I can say I have seen children walk in the path of a swing and get hit and no sooner do you talk to them they ARE DOING IT AGAIN!!
sigh
What is really nice to see is when a child's behavior changes. I have seen infants in preschool so when is too young is really hard to say.
Susan
===============================================
A life not examined is a life not worth living.....plato
Children seem to learn so much more quickly in social situations. I think it gives them a context of what's appropriate they don't understand when they are in their comfort zone.
Seeing her behavior change has been amazing. She is quite a logical little creature now. She has learned to ask "Why?" repeatedly, which I attempt to answer seriously and she exhausts me of any conceivable answer and I have to distract her onto something else.
She is very easy to redirect now. She does revert to infantile neediness with a very demanding tone about 7 times a day now. However, she responds to reason and is easily deescalated. My husband started time out when she throws things in a fit of rage. It doesn't even have to be a fit, she is unhappy with something and throws it, then throws her palms up against her cheeks and says, "Oh no ih fayl!
So when she throws thing she goes to time out which is the rug on her bedroom floor. All we have to do is say, "Elia, it's time out." in a firm tone. She gets very upset and cries, but gathers herself and walks right into her time out by herself, wailing all the way. We stand in the hall where she can see us. When she makes eye contact, holds her arms up and cries, "Hug-U-Me!" we say, "When you calm down." She snivels, wipes her eyes, nodding her head and saying, "Okay, oh-kay." Then we hug, return to the cursed start of the situation, she cleans it up, and we start all over.
I don't think it would be this easy if weren't for school.
Also, as far as infants in daycare, I feel :`( . I don't judge anyone who makes this choice for the best of their family, but I had the luxury of being home with my baby five days a week until she was 9 months old. The fact that we had supportive family who let us live with them for very modest rent allowed my husband to stay home with her until she was 2. I would have had a very difficult time dropping my infant off at a daycare for 8 hours a day! I can't imagine.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude