I don't plan on making this a usual thing, as far as keeping an online community updated on my progress to be a better person. I do, however, want to get this off my chest.
I have struggles with a sexual addiction. I don't really want to go into much detail, but I am saying that this is going to be my declaration.
I am turning around and this is how I'm going to progress. God has called me to be a better person that what I've been, and I fell pathetic for not aspiring to be better than my circumstances. I have had troubles in my lif,e but I've chosen to live beneath them, allowing them to have control of my choices and decisions.
I've gone beyond the boundaries my parents have set for me, and I regret every choice that I made that went against their rules for their family. I can't look in their eyes another day, knowing that I have gone against everything they have tried to teach me about living in grace and in victory.
I need to set a better example for my siblings. I don't want them to follow in my steps.
I can't wait until I get married, but I don't want my wife to face these consequences. I want to be past all of these things so I can give her as much of my heart as I can. I want our relationship to be as unified as it can be, and this is only hindering it.
I still have time in my fourth year to get this right. I trust that God can help me win, but only if I give myself to Him. He can't do anything if I don't offer Him my heart. He has delivered me so many times that I should have learned by now, but I haven't. So here I stand, the same person, living in sin and torn by lies and deceit. I have to trust in God's unfailing love to set me free. He gave me so much by sacrificing His Son so I oculd be free, but I have profaned that perfect sacrifice. I have done away with what God has put in my heart, and nothing else I desire but His sweet, sweet presence. His infinite love will surround me and protect me, but I must put myself there.
It is with these lyrics that I sign off on this blog. The song is Hillsong United's "To Know Your Name."
‘Cause I know You gave – the world Your only Son for us to
Know Your Name – to live within the Savior’s love
And He took my place – knowing He’d be crucified
And You loved – You loved – a people undeserving!
