My Fourth Year: Day 17

So I haven't written anything is a while. Mostly because I've been extremely busy with work and school, but also because I'm going through some serious changes. But this isn't a progress check: it's a response to a voicemail I got today.

My dad called, something totally not unusual, but what he said struck me. "Just wondering what [you're] doing right now." He isn't an overprotective dad; he just likes to know what his kids are doing and what's going on in their lives. So I called him back and told him that I was getting out of class early. I then asked him, in typical family-fashion, to ash him the same question in the same domineering tone her gave me. (This is perfectly normal to my family. We ask a question in a funny tone, or even sing it, and the person who answers does it the same back).

He said "Oh just pulling into the garage. No, I was wondering about how you're doing cuz you seem distant. I know you've been working a lot and have a lot of school to keep up with (18 credits worths!), but you just seem distant."

Immediately, I realize that my inner battle had leaked out into the family. I had been trying to keep my struggles a secret so everyone would think I was fine and on the right track. I've been trying to get my act together spiritually. I've been doing my best to go after God, but something always seems to get in the way. Every time I feel like I've given everything to God, something else comes up that pulls me away.

This is just a declaration for me to get back on the right track. If only we all could be so motivated by our goals that we would forget about everything else around us. If only we could stay totally focused on our goals and not sidetrack. But no amount of wishing will make our behavior go away. I am who I am, and I'm determined to be better.