There I was. Sitting in English class this morning, drinking a latte and eating my breakfast (yeah, I know, I really should get up on time...)--which consisted of a special K bar, and studying for my government test. All of a sudden, I was distracted by Lisa's wisper to Kayla--I was minding my own business when I heard Lisa say that she was planning to have sex with her boyfriend. Now, if you'ver read my other blogs, you may have guessed that I'm all for making personal decisions on an indvidual basis--but please, must you do it so openly? Frankly, I don't care who is having sex with whom, or when or why. I just don't. If I did want to know, I'd ask, straight up. For this blog, my sex life is irrelevant. You don't need, nor, I assume, do you want to know.
The point is that over the past four years, I have heard so many young girls make the grave mistake that is depicted in this blogs title. They have sex with boys (whom they are not neccessarily dating) in order to make their relationship stronger. Along the same lines of thought was my friend's reason for getting married this past June--she thought if she were married to her (now) husband, he would stop cheating on her. Yeah, ok. If only it were so simple. If you aren't in high school or college now, you may not understand exactly how many people today are having sex because they believe it will benefit them in the long term. Does it?
From my personal experience, both with my own three year relationship and from hearing about many of my friends' and siblings' (I have six) encounters, I would have to say no. Sometimes it may bring you closer for a while, but in the long run it just makes the breakup harder and/or stresses the relationship. I really wonder how those teens decided that sex would make a boy who is "just a friend" become a boyfriend... In this case, I think one of the sayings from my mom's era sums it up best: why would you pay for what you can get for free? So, on that note, I'll sign off this blog, but if you have any feedback, let me know.
I am amazed that your friend married her boyfriend in the hopes that he will stop cheating. I hope, for her sake, that she's correct in her thoughts.
As far as having sex for the reasons you stated, I can only hope that people think long and hard (no pun intended) before making such a decision for such a poor reason. If someone is true about their feelings about someone else, sex certainly won't take precedence in a relationship.
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Respectfully,
Adam L. Labonoski
PUAA Director's Assistant
Would you acknowledge that there is ever a time when sex will make a relationship stronger?
Obviously most of the people you talked about were making decisions based on false assumptions, like that committing yourself to someone will make them faithful or that having sex with someone will make them date you. Forgive me, but I can't seem to figure out when you do think its appropriate to have sex with someone. Your title alone suggests that you don't believe sex can emotionally bond partners in a relationship, so when do you think its appropriate to have sex?
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
Colorado November Ballot Measure to Legally Define a Fertilized Egg as a Person
You make a good point. I did forget to acknowledge that sex can definitely make relationships stronger. In my opinion that only happens when you have a strong (or committed, caring, what have you) relationship to begin with. I believe that if both people are having sex at a time that is good for them and are in relationship based on strong foundations, it can make the emotional attatchment stronger. In my blog, I was more addressing having sex simply because you think it will make your significant other stay with you. As for when I think it's appropriate to have sex, I really think that it depends on the maturity of the people involved and the level of committment in the relationship. Thanks for the input :)
Sex can only emotionally bond someone together and make them closer if they already care about each other and know each pretty well...at least that is what I believe.
It doesn't always stress a relationship out, but it can sometimes. To marry someone so they will stop cheating is just pure ignorance break up with them! I would have told my friend that if that was my friend.
As for making a relationship stronger I say yes if the relationship is already strong itself. So to say no does seem rather stupid because it depends on the situation. Teenagers make mistakes that is what happens when parents don't talk to their children and spend time with them.
Come to the darkside....we have cookies ;)
Dani
in my opinion, sex is pretty much a waste of time when it's not between two people who already care about each other's happiness (both between and outside the sheets)...
however, i think it's natural for young people today to be confused about sex considering how its portrayed in advertising, the media, and pop culture. visual cues are omnipresent that make sex seem sexy. sex is somehow seen as something that will imbue women with magical powers - if i have sex with him...i can strengthen our relationship, i can make my husband stop cheating, i can train him to make me breakfast in bed, etc.
self-respect is a big part of a healthy sex life. these girls all sound like they're seriously lacking in that department. after all, who's going to love you if you hate yourself?