Dating. Something that almost every high-schooler (not all, I know) engages in. It doesn't matter if your relationship is long or short, if it was meaningful or a one-night stand, or if you are gay or straight. Dating is dating. Or is it? Most people who date, and even those who don't have probably discussed dating with their parents at least once. I have older parents, and sometimes it seems like they are so out of, well, date. Now before anyone gets insulted, I'm simply making a pun here. It was all for the odd, dry literary sense of humor that I was, well, humoring. Ha. Ok, I'm done now, I promise. But seriously, how many of us have gotten confused over the change in terminology from one generation to the next. Many say that English is one of the hardest languages to learn because of it's ever-changing slang. Dating terms are a fine example of that. Just the other day, I was in the car with my mom and we were taking my friend back to her college after a visit to Target (oh the crazy life of a college student) when my friend and I began talking about her boyfriend. He's in the Army and is stationed about 300 miles away from us and they've been dating for three months. My mom was quite confused about the way that we, today, define the term dating. When she was young, it used to mean that you went out with Luke on Saturday, then Matt on Monday night, and Ben on Wednesday, and none of them cared. She said that it wasn't until you were "going steady" that you dated one person exclusively. To my friend Meg and I, this was confusing because we each thought of our past jealous boyfriends--how did that work? Well, my mom was also confused--she didn't understand how we were supposed to explore and figure out if we really loved someone if we exclusively dated them, and never went out with any other boys. To her, the system of her youth made the most sense--date around first, and then pick your favorite. To us, the jealousy would be too much of an issue. I began to wonder, how did this dating change happen? Does it have to do with the generations? When did this change? Is is particular to certain areas or people? Did the change really happen?
After being so confused, I decided to blog about the change in dating styles to see if anyone else has had any experiences like this. I'm not talking about the change in terminology, but rather the change in the way high schoolers and college students date. For example, my parents (now divorced) went out in high school (not exclusively) and went steady in college. They were spurred to marriage (early) by the Vietnam war. I, on the other hand, dated one boy exclusively from the beginning of my freshman to the beginning of my senior year. Does the way we date reflect in any way on the change in our society?I won't state my opinion on which way is better here...I leave that to you, readers. Any input on this would be interesting...so comment!
I think it ("the change") came with the sexual revolution. Once women had wide access to oral contraception, attitudes about sex and sexuality changed.
Young women in the 1950s may have certainly "dated" several young boys concurrently, but social norms held that they would not be having sex with ANY of them (ostensibly out of necessity, as the only access to birth control would have been condoms, which are not quite as reliable, or a viable option at all for those with latex allergies - they would have had to wait until 1994 to have sex with a condom!). Since social norms dictated that young women did not have sex with boys they were "dating," these women actually had the freedom to try different men on for size without worrying about an unwanted pregnancy or STDs.
However, now if a young women were to date several young men, i believe it would be assumed that she was having sex with one, maybe even ALL of them because of the wide availability of birth control (to middle class, "average" types) and the social reality of teenagers becoming sexually active.
Social attitudes concerning women are as changeable as tampax. ;) It's a fascinating field for study.