I have recently moved to a new state and it's now my senior year in high school. I left my everything in the place i left. My house, my friends, my love...my life.
Now I'm just dead. I have no desire to do anything anymore. I don't want to make friends, i don't want to go out, i don't want to do anything besides sit alone and think "woe is me" for all that i'm going through. And i know that this isn't good. I KNOW THAT. but i don't want to change it. i feel like my pain, my misery is the last thing that i have left.
i think about my old home constantly. I miss my life. I MISS EVERYTHING!! and i just want it back SO bad. i think i relish in my suffering. i don't know why...but somehow i think that this sets me a part from everyone else. i don't think that i have a particularly unique story or anything. but i just believe that this pain is mine and i want to hold on to it. everything else has been ripped from me...why should i give up the one last thing that ties me to everything i love so dearly? why should i allow myself to forget what i have been through?
why?
i just don't want to change. i don't want to. I'd rather be lonely and alone for this whole year...than give in and accept this. i would rather suffer than allow my mother to win.
i know this sounds a little crazy...but bear with me folks. it's just a rant. i apologize.
You can still hold on to your memories and enjoy yourself. You have a huge opportunity to learn new things, experience new people and new places. life is not worh living if you are living in the past. take the old memories with you, but make new ones.
try to figure out what is best for you. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to make you feel happy or improve the matter.
trust me what you are feeling is not loneliness, but anger, depression, and vengence( i am guessing this when you mentioned your mother).
the solution is to move on, do something new, and keep occupying yourself with positive thoughts. Most importantly keep in mind what is best for you.
Good Luck!!