Today I cried. Not just cry to pity myself, either. I cried. Welcome to my world: I'm in my last year of high school, which should be the happiest time of my life, I have four beautiful little sisters who worship the ground I walk on, I am a merchandise assistant at Aeropostale, and I recently got my braces removed and a haircut, which all should make me feel great about myself.. yet I remained uncomforted in the way I am perceived by others - to be blunt, most people think I'm a whore and the people who I thought were my true friends are starting to show themselves as royal bitches, who have this notion that they're better than everybody else. Why is it that when my "best friend" 's mother passes away, and I do everything in my power to comfort her and console her, while everyone barely knew her, and I was her friend from the beginning - then everyone fake wants to be her friend, she continues to act as if I'm not important? I'm just another person she talks to in the cafeteria to make her look good. And when she tells me that she thinks this guy or that guy is gross or whatever, and I agree - I find out that she's in the hall all over that particular guy, humping him! And people have the nerve to call me a slut. Of course, my best friend is still a virgin (so she says) and she's young, she's only 16, I"m 18. If I choose to have sexual relations with who I choose to, that's my business, isn't it? Not the school's! I want to leave high school. Because I'm done dealing with fake people. With friends who don't care how much you mean to each other. I'm done hearing what this person said or what that person said. Or how this chick got gang-banged over the weekend, and all the guys went out drinking and ended up in jail. Yeah, of course, I like to party, but all this high school bs is starting to make me think that maybe I need to move on, go to college, get a real job, and start living life.
But first, I have to make it through this year, through this cold cold winter...
and I need to find some new friends
Friends that actually know what it means to be there for you - especially when you were there for them.
Today's blog falls on the topic of -- complicated teenage life
By blog_princess09 - Posted on October 20th, 2008
Sadly, drama never ends. For real though. It is best to keep your personal life to yourself. What i mean by this is that you will experience the least amount of drama if you do not confide in ANYONE. A situation happend about a week ago where my friend got extremly drunk while her husband was on Duty. Well one of his shipmates raped her , and she confided in someone who went and told EVERYONE she cheated on her husband., so now the entire ship thinks my friend cheated on her hubby when she was really given a roofy at a party, and raped. IT is sad, you really can not trust anyone, ytou my think your best friend can keep things her herself/ himself but in actuality everyonw spreads rumore. And i bet the people spreading rumors about you are just mad because you are very beautiful i can tell by your profile pic. so don't get worked up over it, the drams never ends, but it gets better when you're out of high school.
~I want to know God's thoughts, the rest is just details.-Albert Einstein~
That's terrible to hear about your friend. It's unfortunate that it's really so hard to find trustworthy friends, but the reality of life is that you really can't confide in anyone, save for those you've know for years, and even then you can't be completely certain that they won't talk about you to others. My mother is an example of that. I'm glad to hear that it can get better after high school, I'm looking forward to college and life afterwards so that I can talk to mature people who don't have drama issues. And no, I don't think people spreading rumors about me because I'm beautiful is the case, but I thank you for the compliment anyway haha.
thanks also to everyone who has given me comments it helps to know that people are actually reading my posted blogs haha
Friends are ok, but sometimes when they let you down you need to dump them like old garbage and work on yourself. Take it from me. My senior year my mom was sick, I didn't have any friends they left me. Then she died and all of a sudden there they were. (Some what the same situation in your blog) I told them I appreciate their sympathy but I don't want any of them at the memorial. I have just recently made 2 friends it has been 2 years since I have had friends (except on this site) and although it has sucked it has been a blessing.
I was sick of calling people and they never called me. I was sick of the childish shit. Drama is a part of life things happen. College may help it some what, but it will still be the same. I think you just need better friends. They don't seem to be having the best influence on you even if you aren't doing things.
If you want check out the link below to one of my blogs this is what happened 2 months after I graduated. I lost all my friends, my mom died, I couldn't start college right away etc.
http://www.progressiveu.org/043043-mom-i-can-finally-write-you-letter
Sorry to disappoint you, but I am voting for Lewis Black.
DrifterDani~
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It's a very distressing and emotional experience, although I know some people can get angry for someone who says they understand, I'm not saying that. Because I've never experienced it for myself, I can't say that I do understand the pain; yet my "best friend" went through it and I saw the pain through her and her brother. What made the loss so much more significant for them was the fact that their father had taken their mother's life. Because of this and because of what I myself have experienced with my own mom and through my life, I've devoted much of my time to raising domestic violence awareness. but I'm going off on a tangent lol. Um, I agree I need better friends haha. And I'll be sure to check out your blog about what happened to you.
I'm sorry about the domestic violence. I do hope you blog about it. My mom was abused and raped in her first marriage even with a restraining order.
http://www.progressiveu.org/043043-mom-i-can-finally-write-you-letter
Sorry to disappoint you, but I am voting for Lewis Black.
DrifterDani~
This drama will end once you go to college. for now, i think you should take a deep look into yourself. take some time off from the "crowd" and your fake friends. do some meditation and try something different like going to a new resturant or hanging out with someone you usually dont hang out with. Try something new. it will give you a fresh view about the present and the future. things will work out. just relax.
:grin:
thanks for your comment :D it's a good idea to change it up and do something refreshing. I usually just take whatever frustration I'm experiencing and concentrate on my schoolwork and cheerleading. It's a great strategy cause it's takes away some of the tiresome stresses from before and gives me something new to think about.
That suckes and i totally get you. People i tjhought were my friends started taking pics and videos af me a laughing with all of their friends. High school is the one time were people can make fun of you and get away with it. All you need to do is forget about the people who don't matter and make friends with people who do!
You seem to be much more mature than your peers and I applaud you for that. A lot of the teenagers in high schools use drugs, drink alcohol, have sexual intercourse as if it were a video game, and don't care about anything important. Another pet peeve of mine with people in my age group is their dangerous and reckless driving habits. I'm only twenty so it is my generation as well as that shows this disturbing trend. You will feel much more comfortable in college. I am currently working for an associates degree at a community college and there is no problem with drugs and alcohol and since they have to pay to attend most kids take their education much more seriously. I would recommend going to a community college because the cost is very low and the instructors (at least at my college) are very high quality teachers on par with what one would expect to find at a "real college." Also, my college offers very helpful transfer counseling as well as career counseling. The counselors are really helpful and the services they provide cannot be matched by expensive colleges and universities. Most credits earned at community college transfer seamlessly to many four year colleges. You probably have plans to attend a college already so the best advice I can give to you is too avoid "the college experience" at all costs. In other words do not drink alcohol or attend parties where alcohol and/or drugs will be present.
As far as friends go, I think I have lost a friend I' had since I was in third grade (he was my best friend actually) because I gave him a short lecture about drinking at college. He goes to Penn State's main campus and a few months ago he was showing me pictures and telling me stories about how everybody drank alcohol and got drunk at parties and how cool it was. I was shocked and saddened at this as I always thought him to be better than that. The first thing I said to him was "Why?" and I tried to explain to him the long list of serious reasons as to why he should not be drinking alcohol and I think he felt very awkward. Its the only thing I can think of to explain how he pretty much, beyond a few shallow text message responses, hasn't talked to me for nearly a year. I do not really have any other friends now. I have almost cried about my best friend's attitude toward me now but it is what it is. A few years back, my cousin also did not want to be friends with me anymore despite that most of the funnest times in our childhoods occurred when we were together. That was even more hurtful and it took me years to get over it. I did cry about that because my cousin met so much to me as a friend. He is about nine months younger than me and our moms are close sisters so we've been best buddies since we were babies.
Thanks for writing what you did because I just had some valuable reflections of my own life. The best of luck to you and keep making good choices and refuse to be pressured into making bad decisions and you should be fine.