Approximately one percent of people have at one point used self-harm as a means of coping with a stressful situation or overwhelming emotions. One percent... that means one in one hundred people. So at my college of 12,000 students, it is safe to say that about 120 people have deliberately cut, hit, or burned themselves. That is a concerning number, yet I cannot remember a single time discussing the topic as other things, such as eating disorders, rape, or bullying have been talked about. So why is no one saying anything?
I will admit, it is a scary subject and for someone who has never personally self-harmed, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to understand. I mean, why would someone intentionally take a razor blade to their skin?
There are two extremely common misconceptions about self-harm and the people that do it.
1. People who self-harm are suicidal, and
2. People self-harm for attention.
There are many components to each.
First, self-harm is generally NOT a suicide attempt! It is a release and it offers the individual some sort of relief from overwhelming emotions or situations. Yes, cuts on and in the general area of the wrist or other arteries are extremely dangerous and can lead to blood loss amounting to death. However, self-harm and suicide do not go hand-in-hand.
Second, not all people who self-harm do it for attention. As with anything there are exceptions. However, if someone is going to lengths as extreme as cutting their body to gain the attention of others, said person is still in need of some sort of emotional help. Why self-harm is seen as a cry for attention is because it is mostly those who wish for attention that we know self-harm. Someone who self-harms that does not wish for people to know can keep it hidden for years. But either way, if you know that someone self-harms you should not assume that it is for attention. Two equally harmful coping mechanisms are smoking cigarettes and consuming large amounts of alcohol, both of which can be done publicly and are also often looked past. This is mainly because the effects of smoking and drinking alcohol are not always able to be seen quite so clearly as cuts on someone's skin.
Self-harm is very real. I know this first-hand. I started cutting myself when I was thirteen years old. I am now nineteen and have been placed in five different residential facilities since I was 16. I kept my self-harm hidden from even my closest friends for three years. Today, I can not say that I am free from self-harm, because I do not think that anyone ever really is. I can say that I have not self-harmed in a very long time because I was forced to get help.
If you know someone who self-harms, from the perspective of someone who has, there are some things that you should know:
1. NEVER refer to someone who self-harms as a "Cutter" any more than you would call someone Cancer if they had the disease.
2. NEVER threaten them that if they don't stop hurting themselves you will "tell on them." Discreetly and anonymously if possible talk to an adult you know or approach your friend in a gentle and understanding way.
3. DO NOT tell them that if they do not stop you will not be their friend. This is likely to lead to more self-harm because they may feel sad, scared, or even angry with you.
4. DO let them know that you are trying to understand why they do it and that you think they should get help. Do not force it on them. Because no matter how hard you push, if a person does not want to stop their chances of stopping are not very likely. That is why I was not in treatment only once.
Lastly, if you hear someone talking about someone who self-harms in a negative way, inform them. Knowledge is the only way to fight ignorance so I encourage you all to spread the word. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Self-harm is not a disease you can catch, it is also not as easy to stop as you may think.
If you or someone you know self-harms, please seek professional help, even online forums. Also, feel free to message me, and if I can't help, I can help point you in the right direction.
My best friend has inflicted self-harm. She did a very good job of keeping it hidden, but I was able to discover it...we tell each other everything, and one day she just kind of let it slip.
She was not using the razor in an attempt to kill herself, nor was she doing it to seek attention, as you mentioned are the two common misconceptions, and I've also discovered that. She was in a tremendous amount of emotional pain, and had no control over that pain. In order to feel like she was in control of the pain she was feeling, she cut her skin, usually on the upper thigh so that nobody would see it. Most of the time, it hardly drew blood. It was during these times when she was cutting herself that she finally found some relief. She believe she had some control over her life again, and would hold herself higher for the next few days. Only in the pits would she cut, and after doing so, she was not in the pits as much.
As a friend, I just loved on her and told her that she's amazing. I told her that I didn't think that what she was doing was right, but that I was always going to be there, regardless of what could ever happen.
As of right now, she has not inflicted self-harm in several months, and hopefully will not again in the near future. I understand as a friend that I just need to love on her, and support her so that she doesn't get into the pit so far that she feels that's her only option. I also realize that it may be unavoidable at some points that she will cut herself again to regain control, and escape some of the emotional pain.
On Halloween it will be a year since I have cut. I never did it for attention and tried to hide it the best I could. Most times it always worked until my boyfriend. We would wrestle and play around and he would grab my arm and I would be be like ouch, and then finally realized it and got pissed.
I have even used an eraser before that took about a month to heal.
Many cutting victims suffer from eating disorders (or once have), are stressed to be perfect, have been a victim of rape and/or molest, and damaged by physical abuse and/or mental abuse. This is very common in most people who cut.
I fit in just about all of those except I have never been raped, molested, but not raped.
Your blog was better than the other 1,000 blogs i have read on self harm.
http://www.progressiveu.org/043043-mom-i-can-finally-write-you-letter
Sorry to disappoint you, but I am voting for Lewis Black.
DrifterDani~