Sarcastic (But Helpful) Shopping tips from a Cashier, There IS Such a thing as a stupid question edition

Yes, it's been a while. I really want to post some questions that really annoy me, and the responses I wish I could give.

1. Can you ring me up?
No. I'm just standing behind the register for my health. This one really pisses me off. People always ask me this when I'm working on processing shipment at the register, or even if I'm standing there doing nothing while another cashier is ringing. Honestly, I wouldn't be standing behind a register if I couldn't ring (the only exception to this is a new person who is just shadowing for the day, but that rarely happens on a busy day). People always get confused as to whether I can help them if I'm working on shipment, which baffles me. Some, but not all, companies have associates process in their down time while at the register, for two reasons: 1 - they're too cheap to hire people to specialize in processing, people to specialize in ringing, etc., so one person is hired and trained to do everything; 2 - it looks better if we're busy doing something productive rather than staring off into space or talking, though we do chat while processing, but at least we're being productive.

2. Which register do you want me on?
The one I'm standing behind. Obviously. Again, this is always asked while I'm standing BEHIND a freaking register! People see me processing at one, and somehow assume I should ring them up at a different register. No, I'm standing behind this register because it's the one I'm assigned to, and as soon as you're ready to go, I push the shipment aside and ring you up. I never get asked which register if I'm walking up to the counter for some reason, though it would make more sense then.

3. Do you take checks/visa/american express/whatever?
I always have people who come in with only one way to pay for things, yet they don't ask if we take it or not until they are at the register and ready to pay. If we can't take checks, we will probably have a sign posted letting you know. If you're not sure, ask when you come in, before you start shopping.

4. Oh, are you closed?
No, we just turned the music off and closed the doors for fun. News flash: malls close early on Sundays! People never seem to figure that out. Every once in a blue moon, I'll have someone ask what time we close, but not very often. Most just watch us shut the doors, shop for another half hour, and then get surprised that we're closed, or pitch a fit because they can't get out of the store.