Someone once told me that only god himself is the master of creation. he is the only one who can possibly create something from absolutly nothing. man does not have that ability to create from air -- for magicianship is only an illusion. so how is it possible that i am trapped in a cage.. a cage created with nothing, from nothing. i am not physically bound, there are no chains that hold me, no shackles or objects -- yet i have created a cage with nothing that i have been locked in for quite some time now. In no way am i calling myself god, nor would i ever come close to referring to myself as some kind of magician, however, i challenge the dark minds to think about this. how is it that this NOTHING that bounds me, keeps me closed in. So trapped and not able to be free because people are never accepted in their true form. or better yet, how is it that in my mind i can create something with so little. I can take a glance from a guy from across the room and create hundreds of possible sinareos in which we meet, we dont meet, we hook up, we date, we marry. . .but NO! no one could ever accept that type of radical thinking because its considered RUSHING to have free emotion. so i crawl back inside my cage, because god forbid i dont fit in.
And all this mention of religion and holyness, yanno, its all so foriegn to me. believe me i've done my share of praying and hoping and putting in my fair share of faith but.. (and i am a total hypocrit for saying this) how can you just believe that things are going to happen if you never take any initiative. I have told many friends to wait it out and you'll choose a path but as I sit on my chair here and think, i wonder if i was just giving the right information to consolidate rather than the right information to tollerate -- maybe i need to start giving out tough love. I can say that life will work out and the roses will still bloom, but how the hell will they bloom if you dont get off your lazy behind and water that damned things. Yes, they will grow, and they will grow in the most beautiful ways, but one has to take the initiative or NOTHING will EVER happen.
On the topic of choosing a path, which is the common analogy of all choices that needs to be made, i think about how life would be if it was up to a coin toss. On the one note, it could be easier because you dont have enough time to think about which path, it is chosen for you and you have to take it. On the other hand, you will have the debater. The one who will flip, get the answer, refuse the answer, get the other side of the coin, refuse the answer, flip the coin for best out of 3, 5, 15 and 25 until they give up and say they'll think about it tomorrow. Why is it that the answer can never be satisfied? Is it that one doesnt want an answer or the fact that one just wants the coin to say, im not going to flip anymore, and this is the path you have to take; as though the other side backs down and lets the other side win so its an OBVIOUS choice. but there will never be an obvious choice -- sadly it takes up your nights of sleeping by thinking about all the possibilities and your caught in thinking about the 'then' rather than the 'now' . . . but the choices you make 'now' so drastically change your 'then', so much that you watch your step that you dont trip because you dont want to change the plan. The path you chose is already paved with your name on it and yet suddenly . . . the branched up side road looks more appealing.
So what do you do? The coin at this point has made your choice but suddenly you feel the need to rebel............ and THAT is when you really realize the path that you want, when (some would consider it) it is too late. It's the same thing that happens when you see those brides about to get married and suddenly realize they love someone else.. the path is paved nice and neat.. but that was never really what they wanted, it was just more convenient. its like those guys who say they would do anything to have a girlfriend meanwhile they are handsome and well off and like these girls that dont like them back. But they stay in a cycle, as we all do when it becomes easy just to like one person, and keep trying to pave that path over and over claiming that its the right one - - - meanwhile beside it, is a beautiful untouched area (if we still are on the conversation of 'paths') but in the nievity of our human nature its too easy to just stay the path we're on regardless on how destructive it is, rather than see the possiblity of opening our own new path. Many great philosophers have said the best path is the one you make yourself, but why listen to them; because obviously spending all your time and effort on something that is only hurting you, is surely the best path to go. I guess the point i am trying to make is .. sometimes what you think is best, isn't even close.
In any case, such as a love triangle, it could be a double standard. The one caught in the middle, the one whos liked and likes someone else, can be seen as the obvious target that must make a choice. The one who is liked must just say yes or no, and the one who likes the target, is the one who has it the hardest. The target is spending all the time trying to make someone like them, where as the one who likes the target puts all their energy into the target THEREFORE fueling the target to only put more energy into the one they like. So, the double standard then becomes, the choices they all make. The one who likes the target must break off, for they are only fueling the fire, and the target must then see if it can burn without the fuel. IF the drive still feels worth it to keep liking that one who doesnt like you back, then so be it, HOWEVER, if suddenly the drive is gone... your 'path' has been chosen. . . and you were fueled by someone who is going to supply you with enough energy to live off of -- it was just you were spending it on someone who wasn't going to supply it back.
If you, the target, were to just turn around and spend the energy given BACK onto that person . . . imagine the possibilities.. imagine the possible HAPPINESS; but this is just coming from a girl who is trying to balance friendship and love to get happines and satiety... and satisfaction. precious things that people die over trying to find this; PEACE, HAPPINESS, SATISFACTION. People think that they will find it in LOVE. I know I do. I would die for it, I would. Like a man in the navy I would lay my body down and die for it. Which is why I'm bitter. To be so close to a finish line and be told to turn around and start over -- and like a stubborn kid I stand there trying to PAVE THAT PATH because it's convenient.
But I smell it, I smell the roses that I just watered blooming by the untouched path by my side. And suddenly it all becomes clear, to practice what I preech. In any case.. it only means, i'm breaking off and hope to be seen on the other side of this untouched path.
