Progressive Parenting According to Turtlesuds

My daughter is 28 months old. She is my only child. It is my hope for her that her life will bring her joy, independence, and fulfillment.

Many people, including my parents, critique my parenting style. My favorite quote from my parents is, "We raised you, didn't we?"

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but the choices they made while raising me did more to harm me than to help me.

I give them credit where credit is due: The fact that they did not financially prepare for my education meant that I had to do it myself. No big deal, but I'm a white girl with parents who make a lot of money. My parents refused to finance my education, and even refused to cosign for any loans I might qualify for. This meant I had to work full time as well as go to school full time to get where I am. Four year universities were out of the question.
They didn't give me money, but they let me live in their home rent free while I went to school, for which I am grateful, and has served me well.

My father, a Vietnam War hero, could have claimed his GI bill benefits for me, could have become a VFW member, and thus financed my education without my having to pay a penny. He refused to do so. One day when I questioned him about it, he said to me "I don't want to sit around with a bunch of drunk vets and talk about how shitty it was."
He didn't take advantage of his rightful benefits because he was too proud, and he felt he didn't need a handout. He really hates it when he comes across a homeless person who asks for money with a sign saying something like "Vietnam War Veteran, willing to work for food"
However, he didn't do anything to invest in or assure that I would have access to the kind of education I desired and deserved.

Yet he thinks I am "spoiled."

i guess I am "spoiled" in his book because unlike him, my father didn't beat me every chance he got. Unlike him, my father allowed me to do whatever I wanted, regardless of whether or not it was good for me. Unlike him, I was free to be and think whatever I wanted, regardless of any consequence to myself.

You see, my dad is a good guy. He means well. He has always meant well. To him, I am his greatest accomplishment. I am a self financed, self educated, as well as an accreditedly educated Registered Nurse.

I am also happily married, with an amazingly beautiful daughter.

I can't say my father failed me, in many ways he is my hero and personal savior. He has risked his life for me. He has lived for me, and refused to die for me. His struggles are very real to me, but I am also acutely aware of his weaknesses.

For me, myself, and I, I am grateful that because of his parenting style I was forced to act and advocate for myself. I learned that no one else was going to do for me, so I had to do for myself, and I did.

Okay, enough about me, now, about my daughter, and the children of today ...

I want my daughter to have every opportunity to be anything she wants to be. I want her to have the freedom to choose her path. I don't want her to be limited because of my choices. Yes, she should put in some work, but I think that the only investment a child can be expected to make in their future is with their academic performance. After that, parents should
pay the interest.

Really though, for me it is not enough to be able to say that I did better than my parents. I want to be able to say that I did the best for my daughter.
When she is getting ready to graduate, and tells me her dreams, I don't want to laugh at her. I want to do everything I can to provide her with the foundation and the means to pursue her dreams.

Being a progressive parent means hoping, and providing for the possibility that my child will surpass and supercede me in my own efforts to reach self-actualization.

I invite anyone who has the desire to improve the outlook for children today to comment here.