Whats Better A Guy thats trying hard,changing his life for you and,making it or The hard working Guy that has his life together, set and making ? Thats a Hard Question Because They are Both Really nice guys that are hard to find and I have to choose between two of them. So Which Is really better the really nice sweet guy that would give up everything he had planned to make me happy and be with me his also crazy about me and He didn't go to Marines like he was supposed to in September because I told him that I really couldn't be waiting two valuble young years of my life for him so he stayed and didn't go Because he said he rather be with me then go to the marines and have less of a chance and then He got a job right away and enrolled in college like right after I told him to do something with his life since he graduated last year VERSUS the really nice sweet guy that would also do anything for me and is financially stable and Has his own house and two cars making good money that is also crazy bout me and calls me every break he has in his day. Just to let me know his thinkin of me but the other guy does that too. Although this isn't that much of a hard decision since i did change that one guys like whole life plan about going to the marines and he is like the same age as me just older by a few days and also plus the other guy is 4 or 5 years older than me. But its kind of weird because They are both crazy about me and they both even told me how they really see a future with me and want to even marry me. But all that in a way scares me I guess because I've had a stalker before so I just don't want that to happen again And I don't like breaking peoples heart but one of these guys has to go.....
Whats Better A Guy thats trying hard,changing his life for you and,making it or The hard working Guy that has his life together?
By brith812 - Posted on October 10th, 2008
I'm not sure if this will help at all, but I've thought about the same type of thing. I am not in this situation, but my ex-boyfriend was more like your guy number 1. He was crazy about me, changed everything for me, wanted to do anything to make me happy. That was why I ended things, honestly. He was a great guy, and very sweet. However, it was mostly serious, and not much fun in our relationship. I realized that I needed fun and friendship before seriousness in a relationship. Also, if he's willing to change his whole life, he may not be at a point where he really knows what he wants and needs from his life. Just something that I think you should consider. Is he stable enough to make it worth it? Sweetness is a great thing, but if he's too sweet, or always serious and you don't feel like you guys have a ton of fun together, I think you may want to re-evaluate things. The other guy sounds great, other than the age difference, which is very hard at this point in your life.
The thing is that they are both guys that are fun and easy to talk to And all seriousness aside at times we have a great time together or talking on the phone but the thing is that they are both like really really serious bout having a relationship with me and ya the age differance i don't know so much about and i dont really have a problem with because i have gone out with a guy that was 4 or 5 years older than me but i don't know on one side i have a 17 year old and on the other a 22 year old. But i don't know if i can handle the whole They both say they LOVE me part whats wrong with them wait whats wrong with me why do guys fall in LOVE with me so quick what do i do....
Your decision should be based on how you feel about each of them, not about how devoted you think they are to you.
I may be wrong, but I'm guessing your pretty young, in your early twenties at the most.
I'm not one that evaluates people based on their money or level of success, but I know that the world is full of "Golddiggers," and a guys status does matter to some.
As I said, I think that if you really look inside yourself, you already know who you care about more.
That being said, some things you said to bring up some "red-flags," but since I know that relationships are complex, it's hard for other people to really judge the situation without knowing you or these guys.
Some red flags I picked up with your "he'll do anything for me" guy, are:
That kind of attachment, that kind of need can become dangerous. Ultimately, he looks to you to lead him and to tell him what you want him to do, and he does it. You find that exciting and flattering. However, what happens down the line when you do something that he doesn't want you to do, or is threatened by you doing? How do you think he'll react?
For instance, what if you ever to go to a great school, but have to move? What if you get a great job, and make a lot of money, and he doesn't? That can really hurt some guys. What if you ever decide you don't want to be in this relationship anymore? What if you find yourself more into someone else? Your young, so these things could easily happen.
Just think about it. I bet, if nothing else, he'll at least resent you and try to play a guilt trip on you because he let go of joining the marines for you.
Sometimes people show this kind of all encompassing devotion because that is how they think relationships are supposed to go, and they also EXPECT that the other person will do things the same way. They may also perceive any attempts you make to be an independent individual as threatening, and this may cause them to lash out.
It's not always a good thing to be the source of someone else's identity, it can backfire.
Also, in regards to the more "stable, together" guy. He shows a little more self worth and confidence, which is healthy. He knows he can make it on his own, and you only make his life better. I'm sure he'd disappointed if you backed out, but I doubt he would try to manipulate you.
Remember, when someone feels secure with themselves, and makes their own choices, and those choices include you and make you feel good too, you're onto something good.
If someone can't see past you, you are their everything, they will hold you personally responsible for their well being and blame you when they find that they are not happy.
I am young I'm a Senior in High School and no I'm not a gold-digger I'm really very independent and the "Stable" guy thinks at times like he can buy me off and that really isn't what I want I've never accepted any of his gifts I've always given them back to him because thats not me and his materialistic which i'm really not well i do like nice things but I rather get it myself then be given things like that. And your right its a very complex situation and I do like both of them but at the moment i don't think i can like either of them as much as they do me and also lately its like I'm not letting me fall for anyone I have this strong guard up because of my past relationship . And ya your right thats what i'm afraid of is that guy throwing it in my face about him giving up the marines for me i kind of feel liable and all my friends think i should go out with him because they say his perfect for me and nice and respectful but then again everyone knows him and they don't know the other guy so thats why but I guess i just have to focus break everything down and see what I really want....
I guess if you stay with the nice guy, he might get a depression within the first four years, after which you might choose to leave (dump) him for being so different from the guy he used to be in the past!
So I guess it’s better to chose for the one who got it all figured out already and hope he doesn’t get fed up with you!
Other than that, guy’s tend to awake (regret) during relationships, so in fact you can never tell who or what to chose is best!
Two cars are great, a almost was Marine is great too, if you put some empathic emotion beside the overall menu, I’m sure a reasonable choice will flow out of it.
If yourself and your devotees are still young, it’s always a good experience to go through regardless of the outcome.
Again, I would end the relation with the nice guy, I guess you could gain more life experience from the other guy!
Choice is great! Enjoy it…
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
Yup your right and thats life huh its so confusing because once i choose I'll always have that WHAT IF question in the back of my head bout the other guy. And i've kinda been in a awkward situation like this before where i broke up with this one guy i had been with for 6 months but he was startin to be an rear end if you know what i mean so i just broke up with him to go out with this other guy that seemed nice and then like a month later he broke up with me so then i was left dumb founded like dang i ruined a 6 month relationship i was trying to work out for an other relationship that only lasted like a month so ya i just don't want that to happen to me again.
I don’t know what you mean with rear end, but do understand your confusion.
It is important to figure out for yourself, what makes you “tik”, what do you seek in a guy, regardless if you like money, love, sex, status, smart, handsome, tall, or whatever…
It’s important you have like an honest chat with your inner self in order to know what you look for in a partner.
Some girls, love money, others like sex or passion while there is no shame to seek what you regard to be important for your own happiness!
But to wonder between everything which is available while doubt makes you to fluctuate between yes, I don’t know, maybe, I’ll see and I’m not sure, drive’s every male to become insane in the brain, lol.
Stick to your own emotion, DON’T try to change another to fit your profile, they will regret having done so later on, while maybe blame you when things turn out to become less, like in happiness, boys tend to regret. Not the time they have spend with a partner, but more what they had to change and do in order to please that partner.
Find yourself a guy who you don’t need to change, and who fits your level of joy and wishes!
Can you follow me?
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
You're young, and you probably have a quite a few more relationships to go through before you settle down.
I just hope you don't get hurt again, and it's likely that you will, because abuse tends to be a cycle. The only way to break it is to look for that part of you that doesn't want to see the negative in people, that, like a child, believes what people (mainly guys) say to your face.
If you really want to avoid being hurt, you have to clear the channels, and raise your radar.
The biggest thing to look out for is when a guy becomes possessive, overly jealous, or controlling. They won't you show you these things right away, they wait until you have already given them enough reason to think that they do own you in some way.
So you have to look for signs that these things could come up. Once you give an abusive guy the impression that your "his", that's when he will start to feel entitled, and every time you do something that looks like it isn't based around him, he will let his anger show. At first it might look like sadness or a guilt trip, but anger will eventually come up.
You can tell this stuff about a guy early by looking at how he reacts when you stuff by yourself or for yourself that doesn't involve him.
If you want to hang out with your girlfriend's, for instance, will he get sad, or text you a lot, or call a lot?
If you don't call him for a day or two, does he freak out and start texting or calling like crazy?
If you have other guy "friends" does he get jealous?
These are just some things that can give you a clue as to whether or not a guy has the potential to abuse you.
On the other hand, if you find a guy who is cool with you being yourself, having your own friends and some guy friends too, he's probably totally cool. Better yet, if you find a guy who has other "girl" friends, and you aren't threatened because you know he's really into you, SCORE. That means he is comfortable with women, and just because some girl someday decides to flirt him, he's not going to run out on you. Of course, this kind of stuff is about trust, which has to develop, but when it's really good, you'll know it.
If you are a needy kind of a girl, and need to be constantly on the phone with your guy, get your feelings hurt if he wants to have a "guys night out," or you obsess when he doesn't call for a day or two, this also indicates that you are ripe for being abused.
Because the only kind of guys who like that are guys who want to be the center of your life, and don't want you to be able to get along without them.
I'm telling you all of this stuff, more as a response to the fact that you shared you have been hurt in the past, and you said you don't want to be hurt again. Whether or not either one of these guys is a good one or a bad one is yet to be seen. I don't know.
But I hope that you will look for tools for yourself that enable you to avoid abusive relationships in your life.
Ya and your right i have had horrible abusive obsessive relationships to the point where the guy would get after me for wearing shorts outside my house its like i had to be fully coverved but between these two guys I'm usually good now with testing them like to find out what gets them mad or whatever and like the other day i went out to haunted houses with my ex and i told them and they both said they trust me and belive that they do because i have known them for a long time that we are really open and honest with eachother but they tell me that i should go out with my friends and have fun they don't get mad if fi cant see them when they are asking me and then i say no i can't go out and then i go out with my friends they both are cool with that and i know i can trust both of them oh and no i am not an attention all about me type girl i don't mind at all if they want to go chill with there boys or whatever because I'm very understanding about everything but sometimes i guess i'm to understanding.
I say neither...right now. Send the Marine of to be what he is, let in debt man have his cars and you go and grow into what you will be, spread your own wings and fly independant for a while and learn how to be important to yourself by your self. If one of those boys dig you that much they will understand. Marines come back and people with houses stick around.
I get conscerned when it looks like people define themselves by another's feeling.
Love is like a box of chocolates; if you chose wisely you won’t be disappointed and have to spit it out. ~T
Well i've been single for a long time now and thats all i've been doing is being independent by being single by choice oh and i already told the marine to go but he doesn't want to leave and plus all his family Thanked me because they didn't want him to go and because of me he didnt so its like he already made up his mind. And the other guy like i said his house and cars don't impress or intrest me those are material things and i'm not materialistic.
I guess i've never really put this much thought into anything i just need a break.
I'm just curious, do these two guys know about each other?
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
Nope they do not know each other at all.