Iraq

I wake up around 6:00 am to the sound of a roaring bear echoing off my hollow cave- house.
I say some clever neologism like humm huh huh mummmm booo.
Then I reach for my bam bam or my really big stick with a trigger.
And take a walk/hunt until I catch fresh meat for breakfast.
Once I speared a hard bullet into the heart of an animal. I ritually dance around it about five times while grunting and smearing its blood on my cheeks and neck.
I drag the corpse to my cave- house which is usually around 7:30
And mutter some graceful prayers like hummm yum yum humm.
Then I bite into the fleshy pink meat until my stomach is satisfied.
Around 9:30 am I begin guarding my cave-house against weapons of mass destruction with my bam bam.
Around 11:00 am I get bored so I start looking for weapons of mass destruction.
Along the way I shoot and killed birds, geese, ducks, deer, bears, and animals that looked kind of like humans but had a darker skin tone than real humans.
Around 5:00 pm I return home. I am happy because I protected my home from weapons of mass destruction although I didn’t exactly find anything, but I did kill a lot of stuff.
Around 9:00 pm I go to sleep chanting prayers of God bless American and of the second Amendment.