Throughout my life, I've been what anyone would call sheltered. I've lived in a "Christian" household, gone to a "Christian" school, and until recently I have consistently gone to church. For a long time, Christianity was pretty much just a word to me. Until a few years ago, Christianity was simply a code for living; one that I very infrequently actually lived by. But, as I've gone through many of the posts on this website that absolutely tear apart religion, with Christians specifically in mind, I've been challenged on many of my core beliefs. I think I may have, for the first time in my life, actually thought about what Christianity is really about.
I'm pretty sure I'll always be a Christian. I really can't tell the future, but there have been some events in my life that I think cannot be attributed to simple coincidence. Some of these things have been simply amazing, and they all happened at a time in my life when I felt closest to God (If you're ever curious, I'd be happy to tell them to you - you can judge for yourself whether they're fit). I'll definitely question my faith along the way, and I'm pretty sure at several points in my life I'll become pretty pissed at God, but I think I'll always be a Christian.
But, I don't quite know what that means.
I distinctly remember one lesson in particular from the church youth group a while back. It was actually a series, on "American Christianity." The youth group leader was a very smart guy, and he knew how to reach to us. He talked about how Christianity has turned from a way of life to a simple label. Something to say, "Hey, I've got life covered." He told us about the fire of the early Christian church, about how this holy fire turned into an evil time of repression and judgment, which turned eventually into the infamous Crusades. He talked about how America was once a place for religious freedom, and now it has become a stagnated nation of bigots. All this really does add up. He wrapped up with a talk on how Christianity can easily be turned from good intentions to horrible consequences.
This is exactly what has happened to everyone I see around me.
A lot of Christians say that it's hard to be a Christian. A lot of agnostics and/or atheists say Christianity is extremely easy. They're both right in a way. It really is hard to follow Christ, but that's not what most Christians do. Most Christians are, simply because of tradition, or because they're clinging to stability in a sea of turmoil. Many "believe" in Christ because it lends that one-way ticket that no one really wants to be left without. This type of "Christianity" is easy.
This type of Christianity lends to the common modern stereotypes of either the rigid, goody-two-shoes, judgmental idiot who really believes down in his soul that he has to win his way to heaven, and that he's better than the world because of it, or the guy who's just in line to buy that ticket, and once he gets it he'll do whatever he wants until the time comes to redeem it. Many people I've personally met are a mix between the two.
As I write this, I'm trying to figure out why I am in fact writing it. I think this is a sort of defense for Christianity. A defense for Christianity, but definitely not a defense for Christians. It is we who have failed to show the world the true meaning of the word, and thus we can have no defense for ourselves. I think that is what I am trying to do.
The truth is, Christianity isn't about becoming all happy because you've been "atoned." It isn't about a tradition that has "worked" for ages and is to be handed down. Christianity is personal. It cannot be forced; it has to be experienced. I can honestly say that there is one place in my life I can point to and say, "God showed himself to me there. It happened, and it has defined me." Christianity is something every person has to come to specially and individually, and I think that the warped view of Christianity that many Christians employ is one reason why things are getting so out of whack here.
And just as Christianity cannot be forced, this also means that the lifestyles and morals along with it cannot be forced as well. I believe homosexual marriage is wrong, but I am also against making it against the law on a religious basis because I know that Christians need to work by example, not by force. I align myself with many Christian moral beliefs, but I also think they should never be made law, because that is not the way a republic should work (One line I draw is abortion; I believe every single life is sacred, and thus every human being with it's own set of DNA deserves life, and to deprive it of that life is murder).
I believe every Christian should be humble (Alas, this may be one of my greatest struggles). No person has any business making judgments about the world and its doings. This is one point where we fail, and fail often. We are not supposed to be prancing around everywhere, trying to correct everyone's little problems when our own lives have gone to hell. I figure, once I attain perfection, THEN I might be justified in trying to judge everyone else.
Also, I think we tend to take the wrong attitudes towards how God speaks to us. Many think it's either through personal revelation, or through a simple reading of the bible. I think they're both the same thing. A common debate about the bible concerns the different translations and whether or not they are legit. Some say that only the original writings, in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek should be studied, as through the different translations, some things have gotten lost. Others argue that this attitude implies that God doesn't work anymore, and that according to our own doctrine we should believe that God meant for every translation to take place, and that any translation in the future, no matter how twisted it may be, is also meant to be made. The truth is, God uses absolutely everything to speak to us. However, this may not come in the way we expect it to. Perhaps I read The Message, a paraphrase of the bible which many Christians object to because of the watered-down version of Christianity they think it shows. Whether or not it was written well, I can still hear God, because of the specific meaning it has to me. Perhaps I am reading a text from another religion, and yet I come across a passage that still deeply affects me; God can use that too. I might read something that completely contradicts everything I have ever grown up "knowing," but God will use that to help me build up the foundation to my faith, and it is this exact circumstance that brings me to a place closer to God than I ever would have experienced had I not taken the time to question the things I believe in.
The bottom line is, American Christianity is easy. It's easy to grow up never questioning something that has surrounded you for your entire life; it's easy to check off the list "Securing my Afterlife" and then live your own life however you want to. It's easy to cling to a belief in something bigger, without ever thinking about the implications of such.
True Christianity, however, is the path to a hard, hard life. It's hard not to ignore the millions of people around you who are telling you you're wrong. It's hard to try to find a part of you, deep inside, that says "Yes, without a doubt, I believe my life is NOT my own." It's hard to give up everything you have, everything you are, everything you will be, for something you will never see, hear, touch or feel. It's hard to realize that nothing you will ever do or can possibly do will be able to save you from an eternity agonizing beyond belief. It's hard to give yourself over to suffering, to give up all your friends and give yourself to your enemies. It's hard to truly follow Christ.
I hope to God that someday I'll really know how hard it is.
