You may have noticed that I like to talk about religion and philosophy. It's true. Those topics are awesome and so are people who talk about them.
I found this out in high school when a friend asked me about my religion. I forget how it came up - maybe I mentioned having to go to church - but we were in the gym locker room and somehow it wasn't weird. I told him I was Catholic, and then he asked the simple but life-changing question: why? I mused that he could be asking two things: what caused my beliefs, and what reasons do I have? He wanted to know both. "Well", I said, "my mom n dad raised me that way". What if I grew up in India, he asked - would my beliefs be different? "Probably," I replied, "but I like to think I have reasons for my beliefs." I tried to explain what the Holy Spirit feels like. When you shake hands in church, there's this warm fuzzy sensation, pleasant and wholesome. Same for communion. "But that's prolly just cause church is so boring," I joked. He laughed and said something about how honest I was.
I have always been reflective. Before bed I would count up my sins and pray for better behavior; I'd feel guilty for drama at the lunch table, or for making Mom yell. But this time when I thought back over my day I was like, "Whoa. What if God doesn't exist?" I pondered the consequences and was underwhelmed. Everything would be exactly the same! Those thoughts seemed dangerous, but I reckoned that God is a pretty cool Dude. If I thought hard enough and prayed enough rosaries, surely it would all make sense.
I went to confirmation class every week after church, expecting to do the sacrament later that year. But I began to realize how hokey the whole affair was. All those years of Sunday school - so much trivia! And the rosary - what is the point of all these Hail Mary's and Our Father's? God knew everything before He even made Earth. Why pray? After a few months perusing debates (first SmashBoards, and then forums of the band Thrice) I concluded that I was a utilitarian and an agnostic atheist. The atheist debaters seemed so much more reasonable than the Christians. Every argument for God, one after the other, down in flames.
When my parents asked why I suddenly stopped taking communion, I got a bit emotional. I could feel how tense they were. I stammered, "The Bible is just a book!" Mom mumbled something about what her father would have wanted (he died when I was little). When this didn't work on me they invoked family unity. What would Father Jim think? I said that I couldn't, that my "Amen" would be a lie and aren't we supposed to be honest. This they grudgingly accepted. I stopped going to confirmation class, skipped confirmation, and eventually quit church. I don't regret it.
The rest of my life is really boring. I'm super nerdy. The primary joys of my life are friends, food, and philosophy. Also music (but that kills the alliteration). I discarded much of my shell in college, got in shape, started talking to people more. I did physics at Ohio State, graduated this year, and now I need a job. Maybe I'll join the Air Force!
