This blog is more of an interactive one instead of the usual thoughts from my head. I have a question for you, the reader this week: You don't have to tell me what it was, but have you ever done something you could never tell your parents? No matter how trivial it was? Was it something big or small? Was it something you cannot forgive yourself for? Or was it just something stupid that you wish you could forget?
I was thinking about this when I was thinking about my life and how there are things I don't think I could tell my parents, or things that I think are just my own things to deal with. I'm not sure if I am alone in this, and that is why I am asking you to put your input on this topic. I have never done drugs or alcohol, and that isn't what I'm talking about, but it could be for the things you can't tell your parents. Is it different depending on how you were brought up? Or are you supposed to tell your parents everything? The bible says to honor thy parents and that stuff, does this count with it?
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I don't talk to my dad much so he doesn't really know much about me or anything I've ever done. We just... don't talk. Too many differences and history.
But, my mom knows just about everything. I don't feel a need to hide anything from anyone, including her. I've always been independent and made my own decisions, even as a kid. That was the one thing mom and dad always tried to impress upon us; the reality that we're responsible for our lives and as such, for making our own decisions. Though, mom was always more in line with that concept than was dad in most areas.
Mom doesn't always agree, but she doesn't get involved or chastise me. She and I were talking last night on the way to Tunica and she told me I'm the only one of the kids she never has to worry about. Even when I do stupid shit, which I did with astonishing regularity when I was younger, I've always been the one who took responsibility for my actions or lack thereof. She never really felt like she needed to tell me what to do because she knew that I always had things in hand or would shortly, so I guess it's, in part, for that reason that I've never really felt like I needed to not tell her anything. She would fuss every once in a while when I screwed up, but she always left it up to me to figure out why what I did was wrong and what I needed to do to fix it.
It was actually a pretty interesting discussion. My mom and I aren't really all that close mainly because I've always gone my own way and done my own thing, but it's nice to know that she respects the person I've become and doesn't worry about me screwing my life up or anything despite the fact that I gave her more than enough to worry about when I was a teen.
My grandfather and I had a similar conversation not long before he died. He was always quick to tell me when I messed up and then, like mom, let me sort out my own messes. But, before he died we had a chance to sit down and he told me how proud he was of me and the way I live my life. I was always more concerned about what he thought because we were always so close than I really was of what anyone else thought so... it was a huge thing to have had that conversation with him before he passed away.
So, I suppose what I'm trying to say in all of this rambling is that it's been my experience that people respect your decisions and the reality that they are your decisions to make, when you're adult enough to fess up to them, take responsibility and learn from those mistakes, even when you do something totally harebrained like set a hayfield on fire or get into fights or get suspended or borrow your aunts car even though you aren't old enough to drive and end up sitting in jail for a few hours. It's harder to respect someone who feels like they must hide things than it is to respect someone who's willing to step up, confess and take what comes even when it's a really bad screw up. At the same time though, being able to confess and take responsibility isn't a free ticket to keep screwing up. Eventually you have to learn from those mistakes or you lose whatever respect you might have gained and are back at square one. Most parents aren't bad... they just want to know that they've raised a decent human being who they aren't going to have to stress and cry over for the rest of their lives.
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~Fallon~
“What is insanity, anyway? Is it when you scream and everyone else whispers, or is it when you fight for what's right, even when everyone else thinks your wrong?” Ethergoth
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Yes, there is a part of me that I don't believe my family would ever understand. From conversations we have had as a family in the past it is quite clear I would not be appreciated for this particular aspect of my life.
Maybe someday a time will come where I will choose to tell them. I won't hide if it becomes important enough that they know. That time is not here yet.