As of Feb. 4th, I am officially divorced. And thrilled to be so. If only becase I hold on to the hope that I may yet have good sex in this decade. Yes, I am a Christian. Which means I try hard, and mostly make mistakes. Duh. I wasn't a virgin, but in that relationship sex did wait for marriage. And it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. It would only have been THE biggest mistake of my life if I were still married. But bless his little teeny tiny... um, heart, hubby was a cheater, and I was given a free pass to divorce.
Now don't get me wrong. As much as I believe sex should be saved for marriage, I also believe that divorce is wrong. I forgave the first affair, and the resulting bastard child, and tried to make things work. That was the biggest mistake of my life. As evidenced by the second affair, which would have resulted in bastard child number two, had the skanky whore not chosen abortion. He moved quickly on to affair number three, resulting in... yep, you guessed it, bastard child number three. Amazing as it sounds, the entire three years of our marriage, he refused to have children with me. Strangely ironic, somehow.
But really, thank God he was a cheater. Because I'd have stayed, forever. Til death do us part and all that crap. And I'd have lived with bad sex for the rest of my life. Luckily, he saved me from that fate worse than death, and I've since moved on and learned my lessons. One of which is that sex ranks pretty damn high in my book. Apparently, I am not a normal girl. Sex on a daily basis is definitely in my top five most important life priorities. I'd rank it higher than children or careers, it's probably third right after God and spouse. And while I do fully believe sex before marriage is wrong, I don't know if I'll wait for marriage again. If I met the right man, that I thought God wanted me to marry, and that man insisted on saving sex for marriage, then sure, I'd respect that. But I'd also have a detailed and graphic conversation about sex with said man, to be for sure and damn certain that we were on the same page. It's not just about chemistry, that can be told from a simple kiss. It's about priorities. It's about personality types. It's about communication. It's also about inhibitions, or lack thereof in my case. And it's about combining all of those aspects from two different people into one relationship. Not an easy task.
I've always said, anything goes in a marriage, nothing does outside. I can't say for sure if I'll save sex for marriage again, but I can say that I've learned from my mistakes, and I damn sure know what to ask for the next time around.
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Sorry to hear that your marriage didn't work out, but I'm glad you've moved on with renewed strength. Good luck in the search of a life partner if that's what you're looking for.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
... I still felt a need to comment. Congratulations on finding a new sense of freedom and happiness. I am sorry that your first marriage was not successful, but it seems that it was probably a good thing that you didn't stick with it. I'd also like to say that like you, I rate sex pretty highly. I think the problem in mainstream society is that women are taught two conflicting messages, that they shouldn't enjoy their sexuality or their "dirty" and that they are valued by their sex appeal. Quite hypocritical, but I'm glad you are in the mindset where you not only feel comfortable with your sexuality but that you have no problems expressing it or being in control of it. I wish you the best of luck finding a compatible soul to share your life with.
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"The ink of a scholar is worth a thousand times more than the blood of a martyr."
- Lupe Fiasco -