How many hookups is too many hookups?
Pretend you've been with your boyfriend or girlfriend for 6 months now and things are getting serious. At the same time, he/she is starting to be more honest with you about the past. In particular, they starts revealing his/her playboy past. What is your reaction? Do you not want to know? (Don't ask, don't tell.) Would you tell them about your past if it was worse then theirs or would you lie and try to make yourself look better?
And say you did find out -- regardless of whether he/she told you or you found out through some other means (i.e. friend, youtube, facebook, rumors, etc.) How would that affect the relationship? Would you rather know from them or from somone else?
In other words, how many hookups is too many hookups for your boyfriend or girlfriend to be good marriage material? When is it proper to basically say no more?
It seems like today there are a lot of people taking the live and let live route in life but, what does that do to the person you are going to marry? Don't you think they may be uncomfortable or they may second guess your feelings for them? I think its possible to ruin a great future relationship by letting things get too crazy when you are younger. People don't take their futures too seriously when it comes to relationships. They always believe there is another fish in the sea, but what if your fish can't live with your past? Do you just move on until you find someone else? Can you truely find someone who won't be uncomfortable with what happened before?
Sorry for so many questions but I would love to know what everyone thinks. =)
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I suppose the answer varies from person to person. I, for example, don't know if I'd be comfortable with any hookups. One must of course take into view the whole "born and raised Irish/Italian Catholic" scenario. I guess the most important thing would be how devoted the person is in your particular relationship
And also if they've been tested, nothing's worse than scabies during the honeymoon
Hah, yeah scabies would suck! I would basically be crushed by learning about a past full of cheating and random hook ups. I'm very emotional though. Hah.
Cupcake Bunny
I dont think there should have to be a number limit to how many people your current boyfriend/girlfriend should have been limited too in their past to make it into YOUR future. Especially because that's exactly what it is, the past.
While it may be somewhat alarming to see that they may have been a pimp of a sort in the past, why should it matter now that they are commited (and to you). Maybe it's better to keep it on a don't ask don't tell basis, becuase that would eliminate the threat of jealousy and all other kinds of emotion that may come unnecessarily with knowing what that person USED to be about.
If it was stuff that happened long before your relationship with that person then it shouldn't be a factor to you now... and if you hear things, it's probbaly smart to talk to them about it but not let it ruin what you have. And I don't really feel that your past can really affect your future- at least in THAT way. maybe it does when it leads to pregnancy or diseases or whatever, but if you want to experiment while in high school to find out what you want for later on, there's nothing wrong with that.
If it were me, obviously i'd be some what uncomfortable with my boyfriends past- especially if it was one worthy of the discomfort- but if i really liked him and saw a future with him, i would look past what had happened before and give him a clean slate for his time with ME
Define hookup...
My boyfriend dated a whole bunch before we met. And I'm ok with them (slightly uncomfortable with his one serious relationship, because she spends a bunch of time with him, and I get jealous). I was glad he was up front to me about it. The one he didn't tell me about hurt the most when I found out, mostly cause he was dating one of my best friends without telling me (I was in France for most of their relationship). If it had been a different girl at a different time (before I knew him, rather than when I was crushing on him), I would've been fine with it, but it took me a long time to get over that.
Should I have to face this again... I'd rather have honesty, but I don't think there's a set limit saying 'if you have hooked up with x number of people, we can't be together'.
~C
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