It took me 6 years of my husband's repeated compliments to even believe that I was pretty. The reasons why I fell into this trap don't matter now, I just want to get all of that brainwashing out of my system.
I became so obsessed with how I looked and how imperfect I was that I would try whatever face washes, cosmetics and creams I could have false hope in. More embarrassingly, I would pick at my blemishes thinking that doing so would help them go away. I was so wrong. It just made things worse, inside and out. Not only did I make my face look worse, but I developed scars. The thing was though that I knew the consequences of what I was doing, but I still picked my face almost every day. I had convinced myself that what I was doing was acceptable. My husband helped deprogram these notions too, but it is a battle I still struggle with. I even stopped wearing makeup for a month and a half as a spiritual challenge and only wobbled a few times. However, soon after the challenge was over, I fell into the same self-destructive habits.
I'm making progress now though. I still struggle a bit, but I've come a long way. I get fed up with myself and want to change. I'm not willing to wait to be one of those people in the proactive infomercials that have a happy life only after they use proactive and get clear skin. I don't need perfectly clear skin to be happy. I'm wearing less makeup now and some days I don't wear any. I used to wear a ton in high school. I look back on that girl and feel so foolish. Now, I just want to leave my face alone. Since I've stopped picking at it so much, my face has mostly healed and I've realized that I could have changed my situation myself the whole time. I had everything I needed to be comfortable in my own skin, I just had to do some internal cleaning.
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Everyone is beautiful in their own way, remember that.
I used to spend hours at the mirror, picking at my face too...I've felt ugly for a very long time as well...
Lately, I've actually started working on internal things as well; (mostly self-esteem,) and in places where I wasn't happy with what I didn't know or couldn't do, I've begun learning those things and improving myself. This has improved how I see myself when I look into the mirror too! I now look at myself and smile most days; my eyes shine with the knowledge of all the things I've taught myself lately, all the things I've gotten good at in the past few years.
I do have a habit of cutting all my hair off (kinda like Britney Spears I guess,) whenever I have a shift in self-esteem lately; so maybe I've just gone from a face-picking fetish to a hair cutting fetish. Anyway, eventually I guess I'll work my way out of the darkness and love myself...it is really hard though.
It is much easier to love you, who I've never even met,
Love,
Carrot
I cut my hair short a couple weeks ago too. I was feeling good and wanted to make a change. It was more of a positive thing to symbolize that I'm going to look how I want to look and not how others want to see me look.
Friendship on ProU is a beautiful thing. We can think before we speak and take more care in our interactions with each other. This is pretty deep conversation too, so we're meeting each other where it counts and cutting through all the bs.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
I have a bad habit of doing the same thing. It's kind of like some twisted form of self-mutilation. My husband has worked to deprogram me, but in the end, I have to be the one to make the choice to change something, otherwise I won't do it. I wash my face everyday, but that's because if I don't, I get the blemishes and start picking (my face gets rather oily), but I don't use that whole Proactive stuff. Clean and Clear Foam has done pretty good by me so far. I never really wore makeup because it was one of the main causes of my breakouts (talk about a self-esteem killer).
Keep it up, girl!
I am treated as evil by people who claim that they are being oppressed because they are not allowed to force me to practice what they do. ~D. Dale Gulledge
I've never had a problem with how I look in the same way you have. I've never worn makeup. I believe that everyone has their own, unique, and natural beauty.
But I understand the whole not being happy with yourself thing. I've battled that my whole life, and still am, with everything from weight, to hair, to talents...
And cutting my hair short helped me to overcome some of those self-image issues. I always kept it long to fit in with the norm, but when it just got too much...I got it all cut off short. Boy cut short. And not only did I feel better with myself, but everyone loved it. It was wonderful therapy. ^_^
And that's comin' at ya' from yer local redneck hippie.
I have had issues with this most of my life. I have had family my aunt call me fat and tell me one day you will be pretty. I was made fun of from preschool until 7th grade. Well 7th grade I decided I would stop eating (got a lovely eating disorder). The emotional abuse I experienced deeply impacted me to hate myself. I was called ugly. Four eyes and probably any word you could think of.
I had bad acne when I was younger and had to get a prescription to take care of it. I don't wear make up to much. I like change also. My boyfriend whacked off all of my hair because I was so sick of it. I had never had it that short. (it was up to my ears) I found it was easier to take care of though. It has since grown to shoulder length. My hair grows fast. I don't want it much longer because my hair curls and it will start to feel like straw.
I will wear make up, but when I do it is mainly just eye make up. I have learned the trick to makeup is to make it appear as though you don't have hardly any on.I used to wear like green or blue eye shadow and cake make up on as well. I have learned to like myself for how I am now. I realise I will lose weight and get to my goal weight one day and I have started to think I am some what pretty. I am not huge. I used to call myself obese and thought I was very fat, but I realized I have things that I just need to work on. It takes time. I used to want to be an actor. lol. That was a silly idea...
My best advice for cleaning products is Dove. Dove is great for skin. I use Dove exfoliating and antibacterial face wash..I forget who makes it but it works great I use the clearasil 3 day pads they work wonders. I have a oily face so it helps to use antibacterial face wash and the clearasil pads, then use the Dove.
I'm glad you expressed your feeling about these issues. And I also used to pick at my face. Love yourself for who you are... everyone is beautiful in their own way it is a person's personality that makes them ugly... this is what I believe
I am here to inform and help:
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!