Annie Bunny, about whom I wrote in House Rabbits! Keep the Easter Bunny Out of the Pound, passed away today. Or rather, I had her put down. I found on Saturday that the small tumors I discovered in her chest a month ago had suddenly gotten huge and out of control. She was losing weight. She was ten years old. I am inconsolable.
I am wondering, if I am this upset about euthanizing a rabbit, how would I ever pull the plug on a parent? I know my mom wants a dignified death, if we are faced with such a decision. Could I follow through?
My partner and I have been wondering how much longer Annie would live, in sort of an anticipatory tone. She was a lot of work, she was noisy, she and the kitten fought quite a bit, and her cage takes up a precious five square feet in our tiny home. But she was also sweet and so soft and absolutely trusting of me. This is the part that sends me into tears every time. How could I betray her like that?
I know, I know. I did the right thing. Rabbits suffer silently and pretend everything is normal. They're prey animals, and any sign of weakness puts them at risk. So I had no way of knowing if she was in pain today, but I know that the signs all pointed to a very painful natural death. It would be cruel to put her through that. Still, I feel like she trusted me, and I handed her over to be killed. I worry that her last moments were sheer terror.
I bought Annie after my brother died. He was killed in a car accident at 17. The doctors were not talking to us about survival, they were asking about organ donation. He wanted to donate. My parents knew his wishes, but they insisted that the dostors keep trying to bring him back. His brain was dead for hours before my parents finally let him go. By that time, his organs were no longer viable. His body was cooling rapidly, so his blood wouldn't clot. He bled out 70 units of blood. It ruined the organs.
I've always been angry with my parents for their reluctance to let him go. They ignored my brother's wishes. And yet, here I am regretting my decision to put Annie down, wishing I had kept her for one more week, or that I had clipped her toenails more often, or that I had held her more. I know she would choose to not be in pain. Still, there's this conflict.
We are supposed to protect the ones we love, and instinctively, we think of that as keeping them physically safe. But we have a responsibilty to their mind and feelings, as well. If they express a rational wish for a dignified death, or a Do Not Resuscitate order, or a full code status, or to donate organs, we have a resonsibilty to honor that. It's easy to say when none of your loved ones are facing imminent death. It's a lot more difficult when you are emotionally invested. If I feel this guilty about putting my rabbit out of her misery, how badly will I beat myself up over making the call for a person? I guess I should cut my parents some slack.
In all honesty..I dont think that i would be able to do that, to anyone that i loved. I would probably have the hardest time doing it for my mother or grandmother. I've never lost anyone that i really cared about so i cant even imagine having to face the decision of saying "just do it". I wouldnt even want that responsibility.
A little off subject...my only dog died a year ago, i had her since i was 10, im 20 now, she was about 15 but you never wouldve thought that she was old. She had tumors, and i was too broke to get her checked out, i didnt even have health insurance for myself at the time. One day she ran out the gate, as she always does when my mom comes home. She came back that next morning, laying outside the gate when i was leaving for work, i found her dead.
(i'm an only child if that shines a little more light on the impact it had on me)
"Prefiero morir parada que vivir la vida en mis rodillas"
That is so sad. I wonder what possessed her to leave? People say that dogs do funny things when they're dying, like going somewhere else so their owner doesn't see it happen. They love us.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
And thank you. She would get out of the gate all the time, usually just to roam the streets alone.
"Prefiero morir parada que vivir la vida en mis rodillas"
I think it is competely the right thing to do to help a creature die peacefully when they are facing an imenent and painful death. I only wish we could provide the same luxury to people legally. I know it is what I would want for myself were I in that position.
After a good night's sleep, I feel much better about my decision. It still hurts to see her empty cage, but I know that's about my loss and not about her pain. She is better off.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Its an difficult decision when you have to put down anyone's life, even a rabbit. I'm really sorry you had to do it, but as you know its for the best...you just have to accept it now.
I'm planning on possibly becoming a veterinarian in the future and the thought of having to put down animals always worries me.
Well, as a vet, you'll know exactly what they're going through, based on their diagnosis, which might help you feel better about doing the procedure.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I don't know if I could go through putting one of my dogs down, even if it was sick. In a way, I think the way my neighbors dog died was best. It had snowed the day before and the dog and the kids played in the snow all day and the next morning the dog was dead...
"What a man does for pay is of little significance. What he is, as a sensitive instrument responsive to the world's beauty, is everything!"
H. P. Lovecraft
I wanted her to pass away in her sleep. But she was one stubborn rabbit!
My dog is next. He's 14 and everything is failing. I don't know how I'll get through that, if the rabbit was this bad...
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
:((
"What a man does for pay is of little significance. What he is, as a sensitive instrument responsive to the world's beauty, is everything!"
H. P. Lovecraft
Thats the way i feel for any dog i plan to get. However, my cousins grandmother had a doberman, it was at least 16 years old...and she could barely walk. I used to judge her for that..in a way. How could you let a dog that looks as if it is just begging to be put down limp around your house all day? She barely had the strength to chew her food. I couldnt watch that everyday without feeling guilty about keeping the dog alive.
"Prefiero morir parada que vivir la vida en mis rodillas"
I went through a similar situation. My cat, whom I had had for probably 7-8 years, was diagnosed with mammary cancer. I was crushed but we were able to remove the tumor. However, about year later, we learned that the cancer had spread to her lungs. I left for Germany a couple of months later, and when I returned 3 weeks later, she was a different cat. She had lost a lot of weight and was not eating regularly. About a couple of weeks later, I finally accepted the fact that I had to put her down because it was not fair to make her suffer. I blamed myself for her becoming worse while I was at Germany even though I was being irrational. I also felt similar emotions to the ones you felt. But after awhile, I accepted the fact that it wasn't right to make her suffer. But all the same, I wonder if I can bear to make another decision like that again.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what that was like for you, because yes, it was a very similar situation to last night. Don't blame yourself for the return of the cancer, though. It's tragic, but it happens. A lot of people wouldn't have fought that hard for a cat in the first place.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I didn't really blame myself for her cancer coming back, just the fact that she got worse while I wasn't there.
Most people probably wouldn’t care for their rabbit like you seemed to. At least we were able to give our animals warm, loving home.
I am not quite sure how I feel about the whole "pulling the plug" thing. Honestly, I would much rather my family let me go. However, one of my very good friends has a sister who was labeled as a vegetable, the doctors told them that she would never be normal. But they prayed, and they fought, and ten years later, she woke up and is now a normal, functioning, 30 year old mother.
It's a really hard topic.