Sex. Yeah, I Said It. part 1
So I was talking with my boyfriend all of half an hour ago.
We're going to be graduating from high school in a few months, and his future roommate's girlfriend either is about to have a baby boy or has already had him.
It would figure that I turned in my senior paper about 2 weeks ago, and of course it would be on the topic of sex education. Imagine that >__>
So I figured that I would shed some light (or at least, my light - you may or may not agree, and that's cool. Feel free to let me know if you oppose and why).
By the time kids graduate from high school approximately 2/3 of them will have lost their virginity.
I'm proud to be in the 1/3 that will have not, and I don't condemn anyone who will not be/is not a virgin when they finish high school.
There are some things to look at, though.
I'm sure that most teen girls have seen the articles in Seventeen Magazine (and other magazines, no doubt) that say that over 400,000(?) teen girls become pregnant each year.
Yeah, I'm sure that most girls think "It couldn't happen to me. And not just 'it couldn't' but but 'it won't."
I have seen so many pregnant females at school over the past few years - and not just teachers either.
Most girls are more concerned with sexually transmitted diseases that becoming pregnant.
1 in 4 sexually active teens have will have had 4 or more sex partners by the time they graduate.
Bet you never thought about that one, huh?
(Next time you're in a classroom, look around. Take a quarter of those people. Now, that might not seem like a lot, but compare that amount of people with the people you haven't grouped with them. How does that seem now?)
My boyfriend was quite grouchy when he mentioned to me the possibility of a crying baby in his dorm room, no matter how infrequently that may end up being.
You know, it's not quite so bad when you ignore that many babies don't sleep through the night at first. That diapers can be quite disgusting. That babies get sick very easily, and sick babies are not fun at all. That babies are NOT cheap and that babies DO change lives...
(k, this comment actually turned into a whole post... still posting it here though because it's relevant, but thanks for inspiring me XD if you liked it, it would be awesome if you could head over to my blog and rate it)
I'm glad to hear that you don't condemn people who lose their virginity early - however, I think you should also realize that some people who have sex young do so responsibly. I know several girls who began having sex at ages 12-14 with boys in their age group who they liked and trusted, who treated them with care and respect. They were quite mature and educated (in fact, far more mature than many adults I know - people really underestimate kids, if a kid is raised in an intelligent and supportive environment and encouraged to think for himself and to learn, he can be just as mature as an adult when he is quite young) and they were safe about their sexual activities, both physically and emotionally. I see nothing wrong with kids of ANY age experimenting together sexually or even being in a sexual relationship, as long as they are emotionally prepared for it and are safe about it.
Unfortunately, due to lack of education and due (in my opinion, at least, I will be blogging about it) to sexism and lack of children's rights, most kids are not emotionally prepared for sex. In fact, most adults in this society aren't, either, as you can see by the huge number of sexually unsatisfied people, of unhappy marriages, of cheating, of rape, of promiscuity, etc.
Personally... I lost my virginity when I was 15, due to rape. As a result of several incidents of rape and abuse (the first occuring when I was 9), I became promiscuous (not by acting slutty, but by taking risks and by giving in to any man - usually far older men - who wanted me) in order to hurt myself. I would say the first time I had sex when I WANTED to have sex was when I was almost 17, with my boyfriend. He had been my best friend for three years before we became lovers. I wanted to have sex with him because I loved him and trusted him and felt that if I could learn to see sex as a positive experience with someone who would not hurt me, maybe I could stop hurting myself through sex.
We ended up being in a very serious relationship for the next year and half (we are still friends now), a relationship that completely turned my life around and completely changed my views on sex - instead of seeing it as a hurtful thing, I saw it as a precious gift to be shared with someone I love. My views on it are a bit controversial because I don't think sex is necessarily only a gift to be shared with one romantic partner - although I'm celibate and single by choice now, I could see myself in the future having a sexual relationship with someone who was not a boyfriend/girlfriend, but a close non-romantic friend. Sex is an amazing thing when done properly (i.e., well, and between people who are totally consenting and totally prepared for it) - it's a way of giving yourself and your lover pleasure, it's a way of giving you both physical and emotional release, it's a way of unwinding and relieving stress, it's a way of sharing yourself with your lover and knowing your lover intimately, etc. So why restrict it to a romantic partner?
My point is, sex isn't somehow bad for anyone, including kids. It's only bad when used improperly (i.e., with force or coercion, with someone who is not mature enough, if it's done unsafely, etc). If some 12-year-old wants to have sex with her boyfriend... why not, as long as they both want to, they're safe about it, she's mature enough, and they enjoy it? The only reason it's harmful is because of sexism (did you know that studies show that 70% of girls who had sex when they were younger than 16 say they didn't want to - they just did it because of pressure from friends or their boyfriend, or even because of outright manipulation or even force?), discrimination against children (children aren't listened to, aren't respected, their rights aren't protected - a "well-behaved" child is one that is polite, quiet, and above all, obedient, rather than strong and smart and free-thinking), and a severe lack of education.
Abstinence education isn't working. Depriving kids of sex education and birth control only leads them to having unsafe sex. Rates of pressure and coercion into sex are sky-high for young girls, mostly because they aren't taught their rights and can thus easily be manipulated into believing dangerous things regarding sex and consent. The solution isn't to demonize sex or to judge people who have sex at a young age, it's to educate kids so they can make responsible decisions about possible sexual activiites.
I see where you're going with this, and I agree - to a certain point.
Yeah, some people are emotionally ready to have sex and a young age, and I don't see anything wrong with that. What I find to be wrong about having sex at a younger age, though, is that many kids are still developing and intercourse can cause physical damage (even if in just some slight way) as well when one isn't quite through developing.
I think part of my problem/experience is that at my school all of these underclassmen girls, ages anywhere from 13 to 15, seem to have no respect for themselves. I remember quite distinctly one freshman in my French class last year was so nervous because her boyfriend wanted her to give him a blowjob in the bathroom one day after school. This year she just lets it all hang out, quite a change from the sweet, shy girl I knew last year.
I mean, it's good that she isn't shy anymore, but not in the way that she's doing it. If that makes any sense.
I'm glad my post made sense to you ^__^
You should be proud of yourself for falling in the 1/3 that has not lost their virginity. You made the right choice for you and didn't let society think you had to do something you were not ready for. Not many people can say that!