My Grandma is dying. And yes, I know this can be said for all of us, since the day we were born we started to die. But I'm talking about right now. My Grandma is 86 years old, has had multiple heart attacks, has diabetes, a bladder infection that will not quit, and her kidney's are failing (along with multiple other system failures I have not been informed of). And this is what I finally got out of my Dad after the last two years of him telling me that this visit may be the last make the best of the time you have with each other. . . I live in California and Grandma lives in Ohio. I promised her I would always visit her on her birthday every year even though I was moving so far away.
As of last monday the 19th of February Grandma had another heart attack sending her to the hospital to be ganked up on super drugs and equipment to keep her going. Incredibly (Grandma is as they say "strong as a horse") by the weekend she had made it to rehab and was planning on going home on monday. She did not make it. Due to yet another "slight" heart attack she was
re-admitted to the hospital.
On wednesday February 28th at 3 am she had a nurse call her children to her bedside and told them all that she has had enough. She does not want to go on anymore. All of the people she knew and loved have gone before her and she is alone (peerless). Her body is failing at every turn and she is tired of having to "fight" to live. She has requested that all forms of medical support be withdrawn so she can rest peacefully without side-effects.
On friday March 2 my Grandma was admitted to hospice care. Where she is being doped up on morphine, waiting to die.
What really pisses me off is that she has to "wait" at all. We all know what is going to happen the decision has been made. Can we not "dope" her up and let her go? Is this not a perfect case for Kavorkian? What is wrong with us that we must squeeze the last available breath out of someone prolonging (what may not be considered by some suffering since she is so high on morphine) the inevitable?
I just want my Grandma to be happy, comfortable, and at peace.
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No, she dosen't have to be dopped up, but it will make her more comfortable and not be in so much pain.
YOU HAVE completely MISSED the POINT.
Grandmas are important people in our lives.
I completely understand what you are saying. My husband died three years ago from leukemia. He, too, finally got to the point where the doctors really couldn't do anything to prolong his life and he was very unhappy and in a lot of pain.
Watching someone you love die that way, being pumped with morphine and just "waiting" is horrible. At one level I, too, wished it could just be over with a quick shot of something. I mean, when we administer the death penalty here in California, we can end someone's life with virtually no suffering. But for someone who has reached the end of medical miracles, we force them to go slowly, and painfully.
The only comfort I took was that it seemed that the essence of what was my husband was gone well before he actually died. At least that was what I hoped because the alternative is just too horrible to think about.
I hope your grandmother does "slip quietly into that good night" because that whole "raging against the dying of the light" is not fun.
My prayers are with you and your family.
That's a very good poem. And one of the few I understood the first time I read through it, without help from anyone. I was so proud of myself...
But to the point of the blog. My great grandma died right before Christmas. She was the last of my great grandparents to go, and died at the age of like... 96. What makes me kinda sad, though, is that she put herself through hell to die. She starved herself, and it didn't take long, since she was only about 86 lbs and basically skin and bones. Even worse is that she didn't want to live to see Christmas. I can't imagine how much pain you must be in to not want to live to see such a happy time.
~C
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My grandfather was nearing the end of his life in october. He was 92 years old and suffering from Cancer. He was very weak but still coherent at the beginning of November. He was admitted into the hospital on saturday the 4th because he got out of bad and fell down, so my grandma made him go to make sure he didn't break anything. The next day, the nurse gave him a large amount of morphine. He slept for 2 days straight, without consuming any food or water. By the time he woke up, he refused to eat and could hardly find the strength to talk. AT least before the medication we could talk with him and stuff. He died one week after we admitted him. I still don't understand why they gave him so much medication to begin with. He didn't need it. I know that the end was near, but that much medication was completely unessecary.
I'm sorry to hear that it's been such a bad process for your grandmother so far. Good for you for supporting her wishes and letting her go; far too often when working in medicine, Ii saw people refuse to listen to such requests.
It's sad that we can put an animal to rest to end it's suffering but we can't do it to a human being. Good luck with everything.
(if you can't see the fnords they won't eat you)
Death scares too many.
Because it's unknown. I'm afraid of dying.
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I know what you are going through. My grandma died of cancer last November. My parents wouldn't let me go see her the last month of her life because of how horrible she looked because of the chemo and drugs. She had become a shell of herself. She was even conscience for most of it. Everytime I think of it I feel horrible for my grandpa who was there for every painful moment. He had no idea what all the medical jargon meant and I know my dad helped as much as he could.
Our medicine is both wonderful and horrible. On one hand modern medicine cured my grandma once of cancer and on the other it kept her here much longer than she had to have been. I'm just thankful that it was only a matter of weeks not of months or years. I cannot begin to understand your pain but I hope it helps you to know that we all know what you mean.
I believe the medical community does not want to be seen as a bunch who are also capable of taking a person's life. They could have administered the right drugs and put your grandma to sleep(forever) without any hassles. But wouldn't it seem as though they took a life earlier than what the almighty had scheduled ?
We have to change the way we look at death and dying...
I don't think religion is applicable to medicine. Couldn't you argue that God had planned for a person to be medicated into a longer life?
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I totally agree with your perspective. Quality of life should be considered just as actively as quantity of life.
I also think that our generation will have to make a lot of these kinds of decisions in the future. The huge "baby boomer" generation is getting older. Maybe the best way to handle this is to ask our parents and grandparents what they would like us to do in this situation, before it is too late. If they can write it down, it would help in appealing to medical facilities when our loved ones aren't able to speak for themselves.
P.S. I think that Oregon is the only state so far that has legalized physician-assisted suicide.
Allison Parker
Is that kind of stuff written in a will?
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A living will, yes. My mom has one made up.
And yes, Oregon is the only state to allow physician assisted suicide, and Belgium and the Netherlands are the only additional places in the world that allow it.
~C
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You're in my prayers. I can't form an opinion on something like this, so just, best wishes.
VERONICA!
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. She does not have to be all "doped up" but that will just make her more comfortable so she doesnt have to suffer while she waits for god to take her to her resting place. I admire that your family decided to honor her wishes and let her go. the best thing you can really do for someone is to not let her suffer. she lived a life of great things and now she feels she has done her share. she is ready to go.
many family keep their loved ones alive so they can get their checks in the mail from SS and to not have to say goodbye forever, but i assure you you and and your family are doing the right thing by not letting her suffer even more than she has to by being on those machines that keep her alive.