To a lot of you, this blog might not seem very progressive. But that's because you don't really know me. In my case, what I am about to tell you is a big thing. It was a big step for me, took a lot of courage, and almost didn't happen. But I found strength I didn't know I had, and pushed my insecurities aside.
For the first time in my life, I told someone outside of my family that I love them. I'm talking about Twen, my boyfriend that I met online and have never seen in person. He's done so much for me in the time I've known him. And I do love him. I can say this without a doubt. But to tell him that...it was hard. I knew with a certainty that I wanted to tell him, but I was afraid. I shouldn't have been. But I've grown up promising myself that I would never toss the word "love" around. And I've kept true to that. Tonight, at seventeen, I've admitted that I'm in love to the person I'm in love with.
And since I've told him, i can't stop grinning. Needless to say, he was very happy. He'd already told me a few weeks ago that he loved me. But I wasn't ready to say it back. And he didn't mind. Between then and now, a lot has happened...a miracle has happened.
If you've read my earlier blog, "Something Came Back To Haunt Me Today," then you know how I've been plagued by self-doubt, by a voice in the back of my mind constantly putting me down. I had gotten it, for the most part, under control.
What I didn't know is that I was clinging to it. It had been there so long, I was afraid to let it go. I can't really explain why. But I was. And, while talking with Twen, he made me realize something: I was holding myself back from being truly happy. I wouldn't let myself be happy because I was afraid my happiness would be crushed.
So I made a choice. I let that voice go. I let it go, and I told Twen that I was going to try my best to better myself and be more independent. He's been so supportive of me the entire time I've known him, and he was supportive then. That was yesterday. And tonight, I decided to face my fears of rejection--unfounded as they were--and I told him that I really did love him.
I feel lighter, more at ease with myself, and happier with the world. I can't stop grinning, and everything--absolutely everything is beautiful. It's beautiful because I've taken a step forward, and for the first time, I'm seeing the world through eyes unclouded by self-doubt. I know that if I put my mind to it, I can tackle anything.
And I know this mostly because he has been there for me...because he taught me how to trust, and how to love...
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It may not be progressive in the standard sense of the word, but I would say it's progressive nonetheless. Personal growth is always progressive, even if the rest of the world fails to see it.
I hope things work out for you and Twen and he continues to make you happy for a long time to come!
Congrats!
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~Fallon~
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't- A. France
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Thankies! I hope so, too, and I've got a good feeling that that hope will come true. I mean, with the amount of time he's spent talking to me when he could be out doing other things, and the effort he's put into making sure I was happy...well, I'm pretty sure he's gonna stick by me for a while yet.
And that's comin' at ya' from yer local redneck hippie.
Its good to tell people how you feel somtimes, its hard especially when it comes to those Three little words, that mean so much.
And it's even harder when you have difficulty trusting people in general. I'm so proud of myself! ^-^
And that's comin' at ya' from yer local redneck hippie.
Well that's what I'm talkin about ! ! Im not afraid to say the same when i discovered love. of course now its dumbed down now because i myself avoid relationships. sad really...
Be the change you wish to see in the world! - Ghandi
I was hoping that you would mentioned the world looking more clear and beautiful after having some sort of revelation. Glad to hear those cloudy days are fading away.
You guys are lucky to have each other and be so commited to personal growth. It makes a big difference in relationships.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina
I felt so happy and relieved after I told my husband that I loved him. It was the first time I had ever truly meant that I loved someone (in the romantic sense). I felt like I was walking on a cloud and wanted the whole world to be up there with me.
F*** Religion. Read more here:
http://www.progressiveu.org/020528-f-religion
That's exactly how I felt! I'm still walking on that cloud, to. ^-^ It's a really neat feeling.
And that's comin' at ya' from yer local redneck hippie.
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The Story of Myself
That IS big stuff! All the best to you and Twen for years to come!
It's been really fun to watch you take these strides over the course of the past few months!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Thanks!
And I'm glad you had fun watching me...for me it's been an absolute roller coaster ride...and I really don't like roller coasters, lol. ^-^
And that's comin' at ya' from yer local redneck hippie.
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The Story of Myself