unsendable

Today is one of those days where I don't enjoy being your "Best Friend." I'm so incredibly sick of your constant demands. Yeah, you had a crappy day, and maybe I could have done a better job at trying to pull it out of you, but my week has been long and hard as well my dear, and you cannot expect me to have as much to give as you expect to take from me. I am weak and weary, and you expect me to be a strong tower.
I wish you could see how much you demand of me. Most days I give you your wishes, because I feel like its my responsibility. I signed up for this, I knew what I had heard about you and I said I'd take my chances. Granted, I didn't know I was signing away my every spare moment and my sanity, but I signed it away with every "we'll be best friends forever" that I agreed with. I promised to be there when you needed me, and I think I've done a pretty good job. Not many friends would sit through two of those horrible phone calls when you were high on whatever you could get your hands on and giving signs that you might not make it to the next day. I had to rely on people who had nothing to do with you just to get through those nights and just to keep you alive. I had to have the one guy I've ever been able to trust, and the one guy who actually deserved my heart (and rejected it, naturally) step in TWICE, because he is the only one brave enough to do what we both knew was right. He went to the school behind my back, he called the house when I couldn't do it. He is the strong one, it isn't me. The only strong thing I did was call him. And in reality, he isn't the real strong on. That would be God, and he is the only reason you are even alive.
Babe, you are more stress than you are worth sometimes. I'm so over your bi-polar-ness. I'm sick of you expecting me to give everything I have and more to you and not have any other friends. sometimes I wish I could run out on you, but I know I'm not supposed to. I hate that I have to make you false promises telling you that I'll always be here and that we'll never change. If I say anything else, you freak on me and think I'm abandoning you. I will go where God leads me, and I wish you could just accept that. It isn't about me, and it isn't about you. I will go where I am supposed to be. End of story.
Maybe you'll get it someday, maybe I'm stuck with you forever, but I'm already bitter from it, so I hope I'm not. I would like to be your friend and not end up hating you, but it seems inevitable at this point. I only hope I am wrong, because I want to spend eternity with you. It is in God's hands.
-Your "best friend" who only wishes she could send this.