Was I Dreaming or Did I lie Dieing?

Small.
Enclosed.
Feelings ignored.
Love felt only in spirit, and
passions long forgotten
 
as night falls.
 
My mind racing,
 
unable to rest.
 
Time passes as my mind awakens more.
 
Morning comes and my mind finds more things to think about; fight about.
 
I just want to leave this world…All my troubles forgotten forever,
 
by me, and the trouble of me to everyone else forgotten.
 
I feel small in this world of big material possessions. Enclosed from

everyone else.
 
No way to change, no way to hide from my feelings.
 
Hiding…hiding is merely a thought now from all the thoughts pounding my

head.
 
It hurts…
 
 I notice the clock says two a.m.
 
I wonder.
 
No!
 
 I fight myself to wonder.
 
Why?
 
Why, is this happening?
 
 I fight myself as time passes and
 
I don’t even realize that the clock reads, three thirty a.m.
 
I fall back in astonishment
 
at these never ending thoughts.
 
 I fall… possibly asleep…
 
While falling I see palm trees in the distance so beautiful and unlike my

own life.
 
I clench my fists scared…scared of heights under myself.
 
Coming closer, closer to water.
 
I fall again this time… I am in water.
 
I can’t breath.  I am trapped; enclosed.
 
I see light for a quick moment. Then I am in darkness.
 
Like what I feel inside.
 
Oh, oh how I long for a glimpse of light again.
 
I wake up. I am in, in, in a box it seems.
 
Enclosed…trapped again.
 
On second thought… It’s a coffin!
 
I fight to get out.
 
Yell!
 
Scream.
 
No one,
 
no one hears me.
 
Just like no one hears my fights between myself…
 
My silent cries for help.
 
I finally rest knowing that all I have lived for was a waste to be.
 
Ignored. Lay I stay.
 
 Dead.
 
Time passes…
 
Never knowing what I was.
 
What I could of became.

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