I'm a Law and Order SVU junkie. Being such, I generally cheer when Detective Stabler breaks the pervert's jaw! Wooh, go him! There was one episode, however, where the perpetrator was a female and she was carrying on with a thirteen year old boy. She had a husband and a family that she loved very much, and she didn't understand her compulsion. It ends up it had something to do with a brain tumor. I don't know if tumors can really cause pedophilia, but it made me wonder what really caused it and how it works. Is it just a preference? I prefer redheaded boys over blonds. Do pedophiles just prefer children? I know some of it stems from their own childhood abuse, but I think that then it has more to do with domination and recreation. I think others are just attracted to the beauty and innocence of children.
Vladimir Nabakov's "Lolita" for example. Humbert Humbert was attracted to Lolita to a destructive degree. He ruined his life and hers just to have her, and in his mind, though it ended dismally, it was worth it. The thing that got me was that he didn't just lust after her indiscriminately because she was young and a "nymphette." He loved her. Even after she phases out of being a "nymphette" and being attractive to him, he offers to provide for her and be there for her. So, what's the drive, what's the compulsion?
And what happens when it's not exactly pedophilia? I like a guy too young for me. He's a freshman, I'm a senior. But I'm not attracted to him physically. It's a complete and total intellectual thing. The arrogant little jack ass is smarter than me at fifteen. I would also like to point out that it's only a two and a half year age difference. This is perfectly fine outside of high school. I'm not saying it's anywhere near the same level as pedophilia, but people still give me flack for it. But here's the thing. When I was a freshman, all the senior boys were trying to get into our pants. I counted five boys right off the bat that actually succeeded. I had just turned fourteen that September and a nineteen-year-old guy asked me out. We're friends today, but he still dates people my age. I mean, you're still a kid at fourteen and fifteen. No doubt about it. And by seventeen you're pretty much an adult. It's such an awkward phasing. Is it possible that people just get stuck there, forever finding teenaged kids attractive?
I wonder that last one because of all the teachers on the news for sleeping with their students. While it's wrong, I understand a younger teacher sleeping with a seventeen or eighteen- year- old. It's awkward when your teacher's the same age as some of your older friends. But a thirty-odd year old sleeping with her thirteen-year-old student, goes to jail, gets out and marries him. But by then he was of age. So, was it pedophilia or love? Did she meet her match in a child and couldn't wait?
There are so many variables involved, it makes me wonder what constitutes a true pedophile.
Is it possible that people just get stuck there, forever finding teenaged kids attractive?
Sigmund Freud actually had a theory about the development of human sexuality. He believed that people went through different stages of sexual development and each stage required a certain amount of...shall we say, attention...to develop properly. Too much and the person would be scarred (perhaps aversion to actions related to that stage), too little and the person would be "stuck" in that phase. I don't remember the details, since it's been a while since I studied Freudian Psychology, but that, or a similar, concept could have something to do with pedophilia.
-- quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
I learned about Freud's theory of development in my psych. class last year. I know it was pretty controversial at the time because people didn't want to think about children in a sexual way. I think that his theory is relevant for the most part, because you hang around a little kid long enough and they'll do some of the stuff he talked about (I have two younger siblings...) However, some of his stuff was a little off base, namely the Oedipus and the Electra complexes. I went through that stage without a parent of the opposite sex, and I think I'm pretty average as far as my sexuality goes... hopefully! : ) Anyway, I think that what you said is pretty plausible, that you can be held back in your sexuality if you didn't go through the proper stages of development as a child.
*applause*
I believe it is a sexual preference. And there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it, provided the pedophile does not actually harm a child. If a man falls in love with a six-year-old girl, that's fine... he just shouldn't actually have sex with her. Instead, he could be her close friend, her mentor, her companion. Unfortunately though, in this society that's often not possible. x.x
If someone desires children because he/she was sexually abused in the past, he/she is not a pedophile, because it's a result of trauma. True sexual preferences can't be changed with therapy, but a symptom of trauma can.
If you haven't read this already, you might find it interesting: http://www.progressiveu.org/060439-pedophiles-versus-child-molesters
I think that it's a sexual deviance too. A bit like homosexuality. Just different people loving differently. My only qualm with pedophilia is that some people don't have the self-control NOT to have sex with a child. They're defenseless and weak and easily manipulated. That can be an alluring temptation for the person.
I was just reminded of something when you said they should be the kid's mentor. Have you ever seen the History Boys? In it, one of their teachers would give the boys rides home on his motorbike and fondle them. The boys put up with it because they loved him as a teacher and he was otherwise a really good man. Well, at the end of the movie one of the (gay) boys becomes a teacher and he says "I never touch the boys, but it's always a struggle. Maybe that's why I'm a good teacher."
Your comment reminded me of that because I think an intense love for the mentee can be benificial, and yeah, that love can turn sexual in nature. The two are intrinsically mixed outside of the family.
I believe every person has enough self-control to not hurt a child. If someone decides to hurt a child, it's not because they're sexually frustrated in almost ALL cases.
Good point. And the emphasis on "all" made me laugh a little. But what about physically and emotionally, not just sexually? Parents abuse their children all the time. Just look at the foster care system- a burning example. Children are hurt all the time, and that same lack of restraint leads to all forms of abuse. I don't know what the right answer is, but I do know that not everyone has enough self-control to refrain from hurting a child in whatever way, or we wouldn't have so many problems with it.
I don't think repeated abuse is due to a lack of self-control. If you go psychotic one day and punch your kid, you'd then immediately get some help to avoid hurting them again. Abusers choose to abuse.
But it just takes that one time to completely devestate a child. My friend Jane was molested by her neighbor as a child. Once. She's still messed up from it. The other day an incredibly cruel girl told her that he was getting out of prison and she started freaking out. The look in her eyes was unbearable. Repeated abuse may be chosen, but if there's even a slip, one psychotic, impulsive slip, that child will never forget it.
True. But how many times do you hear of someone molesting a child ONCE in a moment of psychotic derangement, and then immediately turning himself into the police?
That's the point. They don't always report themselves to the police. That makes them more likely to become repeat offenders. Everything starts with one time, obviously. The guy that molested her was a repeat offender; he abused his grand-daughter too. There are people who only do it once or twice, though. That doesn't make it okay for the child. Whether an offender does it once, or a child is molested once, it still has devastating consquences. I think that just even a slip could be dastardly. So, yes, I guess that what you're saying (repeat offenders and chronic child molesters are not the same as pedophiles who restrain themselves) is true, because generally when one does it once, they'll do it again. But it could be caused by that slip. It's a never-ending cycle. I suppose you're right because as soon as a molester does it a second time, they're sick. My question is: where does that urge come from? Psychological damage or pedophilia? And can a pedophile control his/herself to resist temptation in all cases?