Euthanasia is a Crime Against God

God didn't put us here on earth so we could choose the 'easy way out' and slip quietly through the pearly gates after succumbing to some terminal disease or life-shattering disfigurement. No, God put us here to endure all the suffering that this cruel (but beautiful) world has to offer. It's his test, you see, to make sure that our souls, which have been forged in the fires of adversity, are worthy of chilling with him and homeboy Jesus until the end of eternity (which is, believe me, quite a long time).

No, it is a crime against nature, and more importantly, against God himself, to choose death over agonizing, relentless, unceasing pain and discomfort. You didn't see Jesus killing himself while he was being tormented by the Devil himself in the middle of the desert, did you? So, applying the simple and infallible logic of argumentum ad WWJDum, we reach the conclusion that euthanasia is bad. But not just bad, it's a horrible, demonic display of individual liberty which springs from the evilness that is 'free will'. How absurd a notion that God would give us a life so that we may do with it as we please!

When you see a person dying of hunger, what's your first reaction? I know it's certainly not to give them some food and chase off the vultures which are circling overhead in anticipation of an imminent feast. No, for as Jesus himself said, 'give a man some food and he might not die of starvation, but beat him over the head with the Bible, and he'll never go wanting again'. Therefore, the correct response is religious indignation. Who is he to ask for food when the good Lord provideth in abundance?

What about a person dying of... dying? A face contorted in unspeakable pain. Wretched hands clawing at the air in a vain attempt to climb out of the bottomless pit of disease and suffering which they've been trapped in? With their raspy voice asking, nay, begging for the sweet release that is death, hoping to be freed from the trappings of their decaying, disease-ridden body? Should they be granted their wish? Heavens no! If God wanted them dead, he'd have done the deed Himself. His plan is for them to suffer, and who (in God's name??) are you to interfere with that plan? You are but the flea on the tick that is lodged into the dog that is eating the table scraps off of the floor of the hairdresser of that suffering man compared to the greatness and glory that is God almighty.

Well, that's about the only reason I can think of for disallowing euthanasia. I tried my hardest. It's just a shame that God doesn't give two shits whether someone lives or dies. He has no plan as such. People should be free to choose life or death. There comes a certain point where a decent means of living isn't achievable for someone, and by that time the end is really the only solution. When suffering eclipses someone's will to live, it might be time to simply listen to them instead of selfishly insisting that they 'cheer up' and ignore the fact that the only thing they can feel is pain.

But I don't have a Ph. D. in philosophy, and I'm not a God-fearing Christian, so maybe you don't care what I think ;-)

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