Well, we are starting a series on dating at youth group, and while I have heard the Christian dating spiel, I am kind of looking forward to this. I have talked to Patrick about dating a limited amount, and am looking forward to hearing more about his views. Right now, I have a very mixed view of what is acceptable, and have really been struggling to figure out what is really acceptable in God's eyes. So, here are my current views, and I know that most of you will not agree (either will be more conservative or think I am far too sheltered).
First of all, what is the point of dating? Obviously, we date to find a person we can live with for the rest of our lives. Dating should eventually lead to marriage. However, are you expected to marry every person you date? I don't think so. Dating is a way to get to know a person individually, learn what it is like to spend time with them, and learn what characteristics in a person you cannot deal with. It is different from being friends because of the emotional stuff; you both know the other one likes you as more than a friend. Should there be more than just spending time together and caring deeply for each other, though?
The question "how far is too far" seems to fill everyone's minds, or at least should. It is generally speaking not acceptable to have sex outside of marriage, and yet so many people do it that it is becoming more acceptable in todays society. Unfortunately, many other things are simiilar. Making out probably used to be as bad as sex is now to some people. There are those who refuse to kiss until marriage and those who have no limit. So, where should the line be drawn? In my opinion, it depends on the people. If one or both of them struggle a lot with lust, it would probably be better to hold back on all physical stuff. For me personally, I think I would not kiss or cuddle until engaged, simply because kissing and cuddling leads to more. If you get bored with that, where can you go? And I think I say no to toungue, period. So, until engagement, only holding hands and hugs. (BTW, that has changed a ton since Jr. High, for those of you who remember certain things. ;-) )
How long should dating last? Honestly, I do not know. I have never really dated, but I think that quite often relationships move too quickly. Also, I think that this is where a counselor or descipler is very important. Someone from the outside, who can remind you of important values. Someone who can judge your relationship from a view not blinded by "love." Someone with experience in this field, like, maybe a married person/couple? Yeah. Then, that person can help you know if you are ready for marriage. Because, I honestly don't think that I will ever really feel ready to be married, even after being married for years.
Well, that is a very breif explanation of a few of my ideas about dating. It is so hard to stick to what is right, because the world is always telling us to do what we want. And, believe me, I know that what I want is not always right. In fact, it usually is not. So, yeah. Try not to argue too much, these are just my views. Remember that I am a conservative Christian who is greatly influenced by those around her. I will update you after the dating series with any new/changed ideas.
This blog also posted at blog.myspace.com/kearbear4
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In my opinion, dating is not simply a way to "find a person we can live with for the rest of our lives". I just can't agree with you at all on that one. Dating is fun. Dating is supposed to be fun. The only person you're going to spend the rest of your life with is you. Period. Maybe marriage is something in your future, but if you start off dating looking to find Mr. Right, all you're going to get is hurt.
But of course, I'm a slut, so what the hell do I know. Lol.
While I don't know anything about you, and you may really be what you said, I want you to know that I do not believe that if you disagree with me you are a slut. I expect many people to disagree with me, these are just standards I have set up because I believe they are right.
Dating is fun, but can you not enjoy yourself with friends? Kissing, Making Out, Sex, those are all fun things, but that does not mean they are okay outside of marriage. The world encourages us to do what makes us feel good, to live for ourselves and just enjoy life, cuz after that you only get death. However, as a Christian, having devoted my life to Christ, I desire to do what is right in His eyes, even if that means not getting to have "fun" before marriage.
I do not actually date to find Mr. Right. I look for my Mr. Right to date, and may be wrong a couple of times. I have many male friends that I am close to in the same way I am close to my female friends, and one day, if I feel led to, I may date one of them to see if they are my Mr. Right. You can get to know people in ways other than dating, and you can have fun in ways that are pure. Then, it makes the other things all the more fun when you are married.
~Keri~
I want to have beautiful feet. ~ Isaiah 52:7
Wow. You and I share a similar idea of what dating is all about, and I'm not even Christian. That's odd.
First of all, if you have never really dated its hard to understand why things happen the way they do or why they do in realtionships. Similarily, if someone has never been in love, its very hard to describe it accurately to them. Here is a way I'm sure you can connect with me on this idea. Its hard to explain your relationship with God and how he makes you feel to someone who has never been filled with his spirit before. You can tell them all you want how great it is, but they are stil going to be skeptical Mr Right some of your views might change. I'm not saying I know they will, beacasue I dont know you, and I have heard stories of people who did not kiss their significant other until they were married to them. But I will say that I had a lot of ideas about relationships that were all based on what others I trusted had said and on the bible. But when I fell in love, everything changed.
I will be the first to say Im not living as godly a life as I ought to. I know in the bible it says not to have sex before marriage, but its very hard not to when you are truly in love with someone. Sometimes, its not feasible to get married. My boyfriend and I would love to, and when the circumstances are right we will. But right now to do many reasons, we cant get married.But we have been dating for a really long time and are going to. We've broken the oh so cardinal rule we are all discussing. But actually its made us a lot closer. We waited until we had made teh decision to get married before we broke it and I dont regret it. For us, yes its about pleasure, but its also a way of showing our love for each other. And that is also something no one can understand until they have made love either. A lot of people have sex and wonder why its such a big deal to everyone. But when the right person comes along, all the questions are unexplicably answered.
So in short I amsaying, its kind of hard to throw rocks from a glass house, or so the expression goes.
I agree that there is a purpose for dating besides fun. However, I don't believe it's to find the right person, per say, but to find what qualities we want in the right person. I don't necessarily agree that kissing always leads to more; it is proven that physical contact is important in any relationship. It all depends on the limits people are willing to exercise. However, you do have a point that just holding hands and hugging do keep people at "arms-length" so that they can't expect any more. I don't think kissing is "wrong", but if it feels wrong to you, then yes, it is wrong for you, and your significant other should respect that. But I don't agree that all morality is like that...where if it feels right, it's right. However, if it feels wrong, it's more than likely wrong for you personally - just maybe not for everyone else.
But I do think it is cool that you were willing to put your beliefs up here knowing that you would probably face a lot of opposition.