I cried for an hour at work today :-(

So, my boyfriend is in the Army and we have been together for a year and a half. About a month ago he left for Afghanistan. I just wanna share a little bit about what it's like.

We knew for a long time that he was going to deploy, but it didn't start to seem real until like the beginning of November. It started to set in "oh my gosh, he's really leaving" and the pain and stress began. From then until the time he left (Jan.) it was like tearing off a bandaid really slowly. From December til the middle of January when he left, I cried almost every day and just kept dreading it. The last time I got to talk to him before they flew out was a Friday night and it was a horrible feeling not knowing when I would talk to him again. The next 24 hours I felt so disoriented and in shock/denial. The next day I kept checking my phone to see if he'd called or texted me even though i knew he couldn't.

He's been there for a month now and I haven't seen him since the day after Christmas. You know, I just want to say that you can't even understand what it's like until you go through it. It's so different than what I thought it would be like and so much harder. Before it actually started happening I would always think "i can't believe girls would break up with their boyfriends in the military just because it's too hard to handle". But...now that I know what it's like, I totally understand. I've felt every single emotion and thought every possible thought. I've been so depressed that I totally want to isolate myself and it even affects me physically. And people will say to me "oh yeah, I know what you're going through" for this or that reason, but the truth is that it's a totally unique situation. There's no way you can compare it to someone being away on a business trip or at college far away from you. Trust me, it's totally different.

I can never call him. He's called me only like 4 or 5 times and we can only talk for 10-15 min. and the one time when I missed his call because I couldn't grab the phone in time, I broke down immediately. It felt like I got hit by a car. There was no way to call him back or to know when he'd be able to call again. Thank God for the internet, though. We message each other on myspace and talk on messenger, but it's not the same as being in someone's presence. Being able to look at him instead of just pictures and feel his arms around me. Or even just to know that he's in the other room instead of the other side of the world. It makes you really appreciate all those things we take for granted.

And not to mention that he's in a warzone! So I have to force myself not to worry about whether or not he's ok. All I can do is pray for God to protect him. And PLEASE do not comment on here about whether or not you agree with the war. I DON'T CARE! Even if you don't, have a little compassion for the men and women that are over there and the families and loved ones back here who are suffering.

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