Once again I've used to one of my favorite song's lyrics as my title. It sorta explains how I've been feeling lately. It's all just so hard and confusing to me of why I feel the way I do. I mean I know why, I just don't know why I'm getting treated a certain way to feel the way that I do. To sum it up I guess my confidence in my self and my self-esteem are slow fading. It is really starting to bother. And I honestly think I know what it might be from. I guess you could say I don't like myself or anything I do and I don't think that I ever do anything right anymore. It really crushes me and I hate that I am crying right now over it and I cry every time I feel this way or anything really anymore, which can't be good. I used to never cry, I used to be wrong. It is probably the worse feeling in the world. But can you honestly blame me for feeling this way and saying them things? If a someone tells you everyday that the things you do are wrong, and reminds you that you can't do anything right, it eventually sticks on you. And really I think that is what happened with me. To be constintly reminded of the things I do wrong, if they are even wrong, but they are sure seemed to be wrong. It kills me to feel this way, and I don't know what to do about it honestly...Especially when the person telling you what you're doing wrong, asks you why you don't like yourself and why your self-esteem is low, and tells you that you should be happy with yourself. And then they tell you that you'll never change. What is that even supposed to mean? What am I supposed to change into? And how could you ask me to change, or even make a point that I need to? I just don't understand...And this is a person really close to me, someone who I love very much and someone who loves me. (I'm sure you could guess who I'm talking about. I've mentioned him before.) And don't get me wrong he isn't a bad person at all so I don't want to make people get that idea. I'm mainly just writing how I've been feeling and hoping to get some advice.
Well here is my main problem(s). I'm in fear that I might lose my self-esteem and confidence all together. I think that I might eventually just lose it all and hate myself. I mean I keep hearing these horrible things about myself (I don't think they're even horrible) and it's just really getting to me. And it's almost like I'm starting to believe it and it crushes me and makes me not like myself, now that can't be good...at all! I cannot keep hearing things about myself like this every time I do something maybe I shouldn't have, but it's like...I already know what I'm doing wrong and I don't need a reminder that I'm not perfect and I can't do anything right, that doesn't make it better. It just makes me feel worse than what I already felt, and that I cannot stand. I hate feeling this way because it makes me so sad and I cry a lot it seems. When I cry I feel so weak, and that is the one feeling I was trying to avoid for so long and it seemed to have come back to me. I just hate it, there really isn't much to it. I just really don't know what to do. I think that I have tried everything that I possibly could. I've told the person that they make me feel worse when they do it and that maybe they should just be a little nicer with the things I do wrong and not make me feel worse about it. And they understood that part, but they didn't understand the part where they need to stop. I've also told this person before that my self-esteem is lower because of the things that are being said and what is happening, but there hasn't been any change, and it hurts. Me, hurting? How could that be possible...AGAIN? after I've fought for so long to get out of a huge deep hole of heartbreak and everything else, only to get into feeling and being hurt again? This can't be right, what else can I do? I've shown him how much it hurts me, but is that good enough? It doesn't seem to be doing anything really, and that hurts me..
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