I know how hard you have tried to care for my sister and me. and im not saying you have done a bad job. Its just that sometimes you take it to the extreme. I dont understand why you always say you hate kids wehn you have two of your own or why you dont like anything.
But i wish i could tell you how much it hurts when you say that you hate me, or when you dont believe anything i say. And when i do say something you dont listen. You would rather believe a perfect starnger than your own daughter. I know you say that i am a bitter person and that i am way to young to be this way. But maybe just maybe i have a reason. You dont kno all the weird things that I have had to endore and keep my mouth shut. Like your 24 year old cousin molesting me and then raping your 16 year old niece. you would rather believe him than her. If i told you, would you believe me or him?? Im betting you being on his side, but i wish you were on mine.
In two years i will be able to go to college and i will fianlly be free. i have never looked forward to being legal. this way i will fianlly be able to do the things that i believe in and not the ones you believe in. I will be able to discover who i am. I will be able to venture out in the world and learn from mistakes that i have made. I wanna follow my dreams so much, but your voice echos in the back of my mind, and i become like a little child afraid of their own parent. Its a shame but that is the way it is. I do not know how to change it.
I wish you knew how painful it is to hear you say that you dont like seeing us everyday. That our presence botherd you.As if i dont have father issues which you also helped create. Do you know that i dont like because you and dad do??
I dont lie because i dont kno who my parents are because they have gotten so good at lieing theitr own children cannot recognize them. I do think this family is disfuntional, maybe not the way it means in the dictionary but it does not function the way it should. Maybe i watch 2 much television and i expect too much who knos.
I suppose i do want to much. I want my mom to understand me and not make her issues my issues. I want you to be able to give me advice on guys and dating and everything else i have to ask my friends about.
But i suppose i have to just suck it up and try not to cry so much. Cuz i know you dont like that. Ill try my hardest to please you even though its a hopeless cause. Ill study my hardest and look forward to college and voting.
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and the decisions of what best will just come to you.
i went through the same feelings as you, my mom believes her boyfriend over me and my sister, she doesnt see the pain it has, and how injured our hearts and souls are. i will tell you this when you apply to college aplly and go in dorms, apply for financial aid and never look back, just keep moving foward and if they say your a coward you will now it was for your best, and you wont cry like u do and you wont fear how you do. it will all be different and better. your mom will realize but it will be too late, because your life will be set and free