So, here's the deal, I was 12 years old raising two kids while my mom was off getting drunk and passing out at God only knows where. I hated my child hood, well not like I ever got much of one what with the divorce at age 6 and the battles over custody ever since. I couldn't wait to grow up, to get out. I knew even then that I didn't want to stay in Indiana for college...too close to home and memories. I just couldn't wait for the day I turned 16.
Finally the day came and I turned 16, with no consequence to my yearning might I add. It seemed like things only got worse. I was throwing myself into school, speech, debate, trying to have an active social life, and still help out around the house. I was just plain old stressed out. I wanted to be grown up for real. I couldn't wait to be 18, to move out on my own, go to college, start a new life. I wished that I could just wake up in the morning and be an adult, with no rules, making my own decisions. That's what I really wanted: freedom.
Now, it seems like I really did just wake up one morning to find I was 18 and a "grown up." But now things have changed. I yearned all my life for this day. I officially stop being a high school senior in a week and I get to start college and a new life in a few mere months. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but things are in a different perspective now.
See, I'm afraid...terrified in fact. I don't want to be a grown up anymore. I don't want to have to go off on my own, I don't want to be responsible for my actions and have to make my own decisions. I don't think I'm ready. I'M NOT READY TO GROW UP! I wish I could just sprinkle on some pixie dust and go to Never Never Land. I feel like I spent so much time wanting to grow up that I didn't stop to have fun as a kid, or to think about all the responsibilities I would have.
Of course I can't just fly away to the third star on the right, and I can't stop time. But I really wish now that I wouldn't have tried to rush myself. I hope that teens can learn to slow down a bit and enjoy what's around them before they have to go out in the real world. Really I do.
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You'll be fine. You really will. But it is terrifying. I remember that.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I hope so. I'm just really afraid that I tried to force myself to grow up so quickly that I really didn't mature at all, or that I'll make some really huge mistake as a result of all the responsibilities I'm taking on next year.
Its the sesond start on the right the third star brings you to nowhere land:) As longa s you do not make up for missed fun and screw up college by having to much fun. If you keep trying and moving forward you will see the transition is smooth and adult life is not really diffrent from child hood no matter how resposible for others you have been.
Keep going and do not dring to much Alcohol
~T
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
haha thanks for clarifying that for me....
and yeah I'm not worried about having too much fun...I'm worried about having any down time at all
and the alcohol won't be an issue...I don't drink
That is how it goes. I used to want to grow up so bad. Then I was 18 and my mom died. I was wondering where my life went. It had vanished. I wanted to go back, but I had to move forward.
I know it is not the same situation, but I felt I wanted to grow up then I had to grow up in a matter of hours. I had to fathom that I had to do all the things my mom once did. It is scary. You will get through it though. You will like your new found wisdom. This is what I enjoy the most. I am more open minded and not set in my ways like I was when I was younger. I think everyone hits this point in there life. hang in there
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
Thanks Dani, I hope that's how things go. I know I can't go back so I'm trying to push forward. I just feel like I have about 234579485 responsibilities and things to do and I just realized it a few days ago. I mean I have college to get ready for, and nationals, and graduation, finals to study for, somehow make money. I have no social life as it is and now I don't have enough hours in the day. It's just really stressful.
I was working, going to school, taking care of my mom, and doing all the housework. I understand. You will get through it. Once you get through all that it won't be as stressful. :)
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
I know you're right. Now that I'm getting my life more focused instead of worrying about a boy things are already getting less stressful. I found out that my dad probably won't have to have back surgery, just a nerve block. And I got my loan for the remainder of my college tuition, and talked to one of the admissions reps who settled things a bit more for me and made me a lot less stressed out. I know it's gonna take time, but it's working and I like it.