Last night, I babysat for my neighbor and therefore did not make plans with any of my friends for the evening. I came home to find my brother and two of his friends at my house. They invited me to a party with them and since it was only 11:00 on a Saturday night I thought, "Why not?" and agreed to go with them.
Upon our arrival to the party, my brother called one of his friends so he could meet us outside. They said hello to each other and afterwards his friend greeted me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. My brother, being as overprotective as he is, felt the need to let his friend know that I was his sister which subsquently meant that I was strictly off limits. To me, a simple, "This is my sister, Nicole" would have sufficed but I guess this just goes to prove how different my brother and I are. Instead, my brother goes, "You remember my sister, right? She's a lesbian." His friend who we had gone to the party with added, "Yeah. A big, huge lesbian."
Now I could understand why my brother would want to express his feelings to his friend, but there are certain ways you go about doing things. I took offense to the comment because of the clear double standard that had been established, not because I was called a lesbian by my brother and his friend who know I am a straight female. I've always had a "whatever floats your boat" type of mentalitly and am not bothered by homosexuality. My brother has had relationships with my friends in the past and there was nothing I could do except let it happen. In no way shape or form did their relations effect the relationship between my brother and I or my friends and I, but that is not the point. The point is that there is an unfair double standard that exists between my brother and I, one that is much deeper than relationships with each other's friends.
After the party, my brother and I went home, accompained by my brother's two friends whom I consider the second and third brothers I never had, and unfortunately for me, these two boys are just as protective as my brother. We were in my backyard talking and we somehow got on the topic on my departure for college in three short weeks. The three boys looked at me and told me that I was not allowed to come home with a boyfriend yet all they do is go out to bars to find girls to go home with for that one night. The only problem I have with that is that it is perfectly fine for males to do it but when females do it they are labeled as sluts. The boys then proceeded to tell me what the consquences would be if I did bring home a boyfriend at Thanksgiving. They would kill him and make me watch, and then kill me. For the record, my brother and his friends aren't cold blooded murderers, they just wanted to exaggerate their point.
Its reassuring to know that my brother and his friends care about what I do with my life, but so far I have made reasonable judgements, with and without their help. But for them to tell me that I can't do something that they do is ridiculous. Double standards are unfair and the reason why the exist are due to people like my brothers and his friends. Hell, even my parents have double standards when it comes to raising us, something that they openly admit to. When my brother was my age, only two years ago, he would go out at night and come home whenever he damn well pleased. I on the other hand have a 12:30 curfew. When I ask my parents why my brother was allowed to stay out later than I am their reply is, "You're a girl." Now I know it's not an extreme double standard but to see that it is recognized in my household alone is discouraging. If I expect to go to college and to graduate and enter the workforce, how should I expect to accomplish anything? What if my future boss has the same perspective as my brother and his friends? I know its a long four years until I graduate and begin a career of my own and perhaps strides can be made in reducing discrimination between men and woman but will it be enough? I can only hope that my unborn daughters and granddaughters will not face the same challenges that us woman face today.
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You have to love it. Parents and siblings can do some really annoying things without even realizing it.
I am a pre-op transsexual. My family have accepted my differences, but that has also meant a change in attitudes in the way they expect me to do things.
From the age of 18 I used to head out to clubs and pubs, have fun with friends and walk through some of the most dangerous parts of Perth (my home) without even a mention of my activities from my mother. It was just accepted that I was capable of looking after myself.
When I came out to them, all of a sudden things changed. My mother fretted about me even going out to clubs at all. She worried about me walking through parts of town, or even just being in town after midnight. Why? Because now she sees me as a woman, she is concerned for my safety. When she saw me as a man, it was as if I could defend myself against all manner of things and be totally impervious to the possible dangers of being in town after midnight. (What ever they are????)
Now I know what it was like for my sisters who used to have a curfew when I did not. Who had to advice my parents of their every move, when I did not. Who were expected to be chaste, when it was fully expected that I would not be.
Now all these rules are beginning to apply to me. In one way this is quite good. My mother has accepted me for who I am, even on the unconscious level. Yet on the other hand her worry and her expectation of me to voluntarily giving up my freedoms leaves me feeling like she wants me to live in a cage.
What all of this has taught me is that there really is no equality among the sexes, and won't be for quite some time to come. Even from those that truly love you.
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Those who know everything have learned little from life.
I can't stand that nonsense, my family does the same thing, if a male cousing wants to go out at night and come back at 2 in the morning its fine! but if i asked they would begin (especially my daddy) but asking me why i would want to go out when i can stay home, then they would tell me to be in the house by 9:00 if not 8:00, i just tell them that they watch way too much dateline, do they listen, HECK NO!!! I DESPISE DOUBLE STANDARDS!!
The most precious thing you have on this earth is your life, so don't waste it, because once its gone you don't want to regret not speaking your mind!!