Sorry to be so morbid. But it's true. Whether or not you're fully aware of it, each and every one of us will die someday. This is a fact that I have long since accepted, and I am not afraid to face death. I am aware that I could die tomorrow, but I am not afraid to die. It is simply a part of the cycle of life.
But it hit me today: I have a lot of internet friends. If something were to happen to me, how would they find out? Would they worry when they didn't hear from me? Would they give up and think I'd forgotten about them after an extended silence?
If I were to die tomorrow, I would want my friends to know what happened. I often wonder myself how I would know if something happened to any of them. I wouldn't want them trying to figure out why I wasn't replying to them and having doubts about the sincerity of our friendship.
But most importantly, I realized that there are things I would want them to know. Things I am reluctant to tell them because I want them to figure it out for themselves with only a little guidance from myself. Things that I would tell them now if I knew for certain that I wouldn't live long enough to get another chance to do so.
I would tell my penpal that she's a wonderful person, and that she needs to stop thinking that she doesn't deserve good friends. I would tell her to have confidence in herself, and assure her that I will be watching over her from heaven. Among many other things, I would tell her that I'm glad to have been such a positive influence in her life, helping her to overcome her low self-image.
I would tell my future classmates to persevere and do well at Shimer. I would tell them how much they mean to me, how much their acceptance and friendship really meant to me.
And I would let a certain someone know exactly how much he meant to me. I would tell him about how simply talking to him could always cheer me up. I would tell him that, without knowing it, he was my guardian angel, and was helping me accept myself for who I am. And I would tell him that I love him.
I could tell these people these things now, but it is ofen best to let it happen over time. I will tell them all these things and more, over time.
But what if something were to happen to me tomorrow? How would they know? That is the only thing I fear about dying...leaving my internet friends behind, clueless as to what's happened, without knowing the things I want them to know eventually.
This is what has been on my mind today. I've thought about it, and I think...
I think I'll put together a little book of instructions in case something should happen to me. I'll leave it where it can easily be found, and let a close friend or two of mine know that if I were to die, it would be entrusted to them, and I would want them to follow the instructions I left.
I would leave in it my email passwords, messages for those who will need to know what has happened, etcetera.
And I would be able to go on in life without worrying about it. It would be there, ever ready, just in case. Because I know that I will die someday, and I know that day could very well be tomorrow.
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I've often wondered that myself- how would I let people I care about know what is really going on in my head sometimes. I have a lot of wonderful internet friends too. I sometimes wonder how they could find out if I did happen to die. But also, I don't want them to think I had forgotten about them, because that wouldn't be the case.
I've been rather gloomy over that today, due to having a bad feeling about something or other...an insistent nervous energy like the kind you get right before a really severe thunderstorm...and I've decided that I want to do something about it.
And that's comin' at ya' from yer local redneck hippie.
"I have a lot of internet friends. If something were to happen to me, how would they find out? Would they worry when they didn't hear from me? Would they give up and think I'd forgotten about them after an extended silence?"
They'd probably just think you developed a relationship... No that came out wrong. I enjoyed reading yer post, but all the while it reminded me of that shmarmy William Shatner song, You'll Have Time (http://search.playlist.com/tracks/you%2527ll%2520have%2520time)
Every organism's heartbeat holds a universe of beauty at http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/green-underbelly
That's depressing...I'd still want them to know. Being some of my closest friends, they have a right to know.
And death has become a rather prevelant theme in my life...I spent the entire day comforting and supporting my best friend...three of her friends were killed in a car accident last night...after the two of us had spent all day with a feeling that something big and really bad was going to happen, too. It's awful...
And I like that song...
>.>
And that's comin' at ya' from yer local redneck hippie.
Oh that would explain yer writing quite well, unfortunately.
Well, keep on writing, so I will not only be able to follow yer thoughts, but make sure you're survivin'.
Every organism's heartbeat holds a universe of beauty at http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/green-underbelly
I wonder that a lot too. Sometimes people who have Myspace and die a premature death... thier Myspace becomes like a memorial page (usually run by their family members) for grieving friends and family members. Friends can post comments on their page, and it helps them get through the grieving process, because it's like talking to them, sort of. Also, family members can post pictures of the deceased person on their Myspace page and people can remember them whenever they please.
That's would i want my mom to do if I die before my parents.
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart ... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” -Carl Jung
ive wondered that too...-_-
i just tend to let God handle it.
If im going to die, i will. and if its before I should tell people what ive watned to...then,
it was meant to be that way.
so, im not to worried about it.