Corruption of Innocence: A Saudi Experience

Let me start by explaining how I met and came to spend time with a military man from Saudi Arabia. 

 This is in by no means a complete detailing and I will attempt to convey what we talked about and learned but forgive me if I mesh back and forth often. 

  I think it was a Wednesday when one of the girls from my military class and I went to the much advertised Enlisted Club for happy hour and cheap hot wings. She had too much to drink and I had my car, so I dropped her off at the place she was staying on base. The next day at class she told me that she met a man from Saudi that needed help with his English and had plans to go to dinner with him. My ‘mother bird’ senses went off and I offered to join them at the Chinese food restaurant, wanting her to be as safe as possible. She was glad that she would not go it alone because, as I later found out, she was nervous to be out by herself with a strange foreign man.

 That evening I met up with her and Mazyad. He was about five six or five seven with a dark tan and black hair. He was fit and gave off an air of strength and shyness, innocence with knowledge of the world. He was not attractive but he was not unbearable to look at either. His eyes were stark black and they did not dance like an American’s eyes would during communicating. This was disturbing for me because I tend to read people well and he was either blocked off and cold or he had nothing to hide.

 We talked about anything and everything even if it went outside his vocabulary. Things that any new body would want to know including politics, religion, marriage, children, tradition, etc. At times it would get irritating because we would have to over explain or rephrase or define words using ones he knew; it was distracting. I thought I would be okay with this considering I have two small kids that I have to explain things to but something about his frustration and eagerness left me exhausted and mind bent half the time.

 On one occasion, we went to the commissary to teach food words and we were able to learn about what he likes and what he was used to with out having to explain. He made a list of our words using our letter system for the new food words accompanied by what he calls them in his language which turned out to have a different character system. He wrote in Arabic using little squiggly lines and dots which, even with my knack for things, I don’t think I could even begin to decipher in a year. Other times we had gone to the mall and even had way too much to drink at the club.

            During our many dinners together we found out what ‘they’ eat, which is a lot of soups and stews eaten with bread. They eat “vegetables from the ground” which I took to mean root veggies like potatoes and carrots. It is against their beliefs to eat pork which we found out at the Chinese food place when he accidently delivered some to his mouth and he immediately excused himself. I also noticed he always bought huge things of alcoholic beverages every night. He explained that it is against the law and religion to drink such things and that “God will forgive you but the government won’t”.

               He asked us what we thought the biggest difference between Christianity and Islam was. My friend kept her mouth shut because she does not like to talk religion or anything else that would go from debate to argument to anger and frustration, leading ultimately to no change and pointless. I guessed saying the only true and basic difference was probably the prophet. This answer seemed to shock him and we had a little chat. He thought the praying to the pope thing was crazy. I told him that was a different form and tried to briefly explain the differences between some basic Christian religions and that the doctrine was the same but the people twisted it different. He said it was confusing and that “if we are to believe then we should just believe” making the same strong man symbol. 

             Given that my friend and I are female and everything we had ever heard about their ‘oppressive’ society, especially towards women, we naturally had many questions about his standards and point of view. They are allowed to have four wives but he only has one and does not think he will get anymore. The reason according to Mazyad is “you have to be a strong man” and he said this while holding his arm up with a fist. He went on to explain that it was required to sleep with each wife every night “using the dick so the pussy would not take over the mind”. I was floored at two things and I guess I could understand, but still. The biggest thing is the terms he used which probably came from some drunken army guy that had gotten to him before us. We will talk more on this later.

             I also had asked about their marriage traditions and dress. The women wear the special outfits when in public, however, when at home they wear what they please. In regards to marriage, the man’s parents go out and select a suitable woman and make plans with the woman’s parents. If they reach an agreement then the two get married. They are permitted to meet and the man can decide to not go along if she is not “pretty or something like that”. He showed us a video on his cell phone of his two adorable children and amazing wife. They had a lot of white furniture and a beautiful house in the background. I showed him mine and he said that they look very “American”.

             He went on to ask who was watching the children. I very proudly stated that my husband took leave to be with his children. He stopped himself from whatever he was about to say and shared that he had an Indian (from India not a Native American) woman come and watch the kids. I said I could not afford that and he said he works very hard in order too. He states “you probably won’t believe that I have never gone to the kitchen for even a cup of water” and asked if that bothered us. We did not think it was exactly right and got some more information. He explained in very broken English that women are better at caring for the needs of children and have been raised up (well he said trained) to be able to do it better then any man could hope to do. He says he works so that his wife may be able to go to school and the store, he basically does it for her and that nobody sees their way as bad. Nearby countries maybe do things poorly and take extremes to bad levels while looking the same to outsiders; he adamantly adds that we are allies and that ‘they’ are not so good. We begin to talk politics a little then he said he was told not to talk about such things; we are given the same briefing, so we moved on to other chatting.

             The bar instance is something that I find both amazing and disheartening about our own culture. The beer was plentiful given that every time the pitcher was empty the next person would buy another and, of the six of us, about half had to buy two pitchers. Three girls (including me) from my class, a boy from my class, an ex-Army guy turned Air Force, and Mazyad. Lots of talking taking place but I will only share a couple of summarized snippets. When he had only been stateside a few days, he and some other people went out. He needed more cigarettes so he had gone across the street meaning to enter the gas station only to find himself in a XXX store. He had never seen “a woman with a dick before,” never in his life. This cracked the army guy up and made him want to take Mazyad to a nude beach and they began talking about the multiple wives thing. Mr. Army said “can you imagine your wives in bed with each other without you getting it on?” This cracked the living crap out of Mazyad because it was the single most ridiculous unlikely thing to ever happen. I guess this is why they have sex every night and their vaginas never consume their (both men and women as I now understand) heads in a fit of sexual insanity. I asked if they talk this openly about sex things like this out there. Of course they only discuss private matters with close good friends if they need input or “something like that” and never if they had just been introduced. I swear we are insane and grotesque sometimes.

 When we went inside people were dancing to R&B/Hip-Hop type stuff. The scantily clad women were dancing with the saggy panted men like super awesome booty rap videos. I asked if they danced out there and how. He said only the women danced because “our bodies are different” as he ran his hand vertically down his sternum and rounding to gesture a woman’s physique and hips. I asked if he could show me how the woman danced (I admit I was messing with him but after a little beer…); he said sure then paused and said on the internet.

 I am not sure which of us had a greater learning experience. As I drove home after two weeks away I considered everything. I was left with the feeling that we have somehow corrupted and stolen the innocence of this man, leaving him to return to his family damaged and hell bound. I was disgusted with the way some of the Americans tried to open his eyes to the way things are here as if we are some how better and have it right. Given all the complication, difficulties, and confusion many of us face out here, I wonder which of our two cultures has it closer to right. Ultimately, I guess I value their system of strength, obedience, and simplicity. They have fewer questions and less uncertainty. Everyone knows their place and what they need to do, even if it seems archaic and backwards to us. People, they are not wrong, we are not better. We, in the very least, are just different; at most… well, we won’t live to find out our tragedies.