We recently had a discussion about the different forms of love in class.. I thought it was interesting and I thought I would share what I thought and see what others thought on this idea...
Love is an emotion that can attack anyone at anytime, in a magnitude of ways. Many people can not even begin to fathom the different characteristics of love, let alone the kinds. There are so many views of love that are all just lumped into the same general category: LOVE. This general view of love does not do it justice. One could not begin to say they have the same love for their mother as their lover. This is unrealistic and close-minded.
The first and most common form of love is love for something. This love would be for something non-physical. Like Joan’s passion for God, she would do anything for her God. She believed him and followed him, yet had no physical presence. Her devotion to God and religion is the first form. This form of love can also be shown in people’s love for thrill and adventure. These are those people’s passions. These are the things that give them joy. Or makes them feel alive. It gives them something to do and can become part of an almost everyday occurrence.
Passion in itself has multiple meanings. Passion: rip your clothes off in a moment of intense feeling; and passion: a love or something you enjoy doing. This would be comparable to a hobby with no clothes being ripped off.
Love’s second form takes shape in friends or family. People you have no desire for yet these people hold you up and support you through all life’s perils especially the last three forms of love. They are the people you turn to when you are down. In “The Diary of Anne Frank”, Anne talks to her diary, like you would a friend, since there was no one she could talk to and because of her entries is able to think more clearly. Friends and family are the people you can talk to and they will listen and make things clearer. These people are the backbone of love and will begin to shape love in your mind. Friends and family display unconditional love.
Unrequited love can be anything from a crush that never went anywhere. To a person you gave your heart away to and never returned the feeling. This love can be the most painful because it leaves you with the most questions. Questions are not all that is left. Many times in place of the warm openness and ability to love, the forlorn lover is instead left with a bitterness or cynicism. That can be much like depression. That as it continues unrequited can lead the lover to obsession or madness. Like Keats who went from simply admiring to eventually obsessing to the point he was unable to think of anything but his love for Fanny.
Don’t be afraid though of falling in love because there are still two forms of love left and these forms promise to leave even the darkest sky, bright. As many times as your heart may break, if you hold out hope these two will pick you right back up again. These two forms can take you out of the deepest of holes and warm the darkest of hearts. These are the forms people hope for when they speak of love.
The fourth form is physical love or lust. This is where there is no apparent connection besides physical. This can either be gratification or for vanity purposes. Stendhal describes this form as a crystal, but I see it more as the sunrise on a new day because this is what truly awakens your soul to be able to rise to the next level/form of love. This love can last for a few seconds or even years, but it almost never lasts. How many of us somehow were attracted to that person in high school and harbored this feeling only to find one day this person was nothing like the a famed knight in shining armor, but instead more of a cute puppy dog who was extremely dumb? This form of love is the very essence and beginning of what will be able to become feelings of actual love.
The last form of love is true love. True love was not even brought up by any of the other authors although this is what they truly desired. It gives and takes from all the other forms of love and leaves your stronger. This person gives you joy and makes you feel alive. Your true love is your best friend. This is the love that Keats only dreamed of with Fanny. It’s the unrequited lover’s every wish come true, and has ten times the passion and lust of a physical love alone.True love is the most life changing. It’s like a roller coaster ride that you never want to get off. It can take you up or down, but in the end no matter what you know that at the end of the day this is the person you want to be with. That the person you’re with you would do anything for, you would give up the most important part of you, you’re heart, and in return expect nothing. You have to let yourself fall, but when there is true love, you know you will always be caught. It’s like a fairy tale in ways, only a little more real, and not always as perfect. When you find true love, everyday you just feel like you are walking on sunshine. It’s the most perfect feeling ever to just be able to sit next to someone without even talking and just feel the love. This kind of love makes all the other forms worth going through. To find your true love is something that everyone aspires for, but few find. This is what all the people in the forms above search for but never quite find, and instead of giving up they hold out hope. Because this love is something that everyone strives for “love that awakens the soul, puts fire in the heart and brings peace to the mind.”(From the Notebook)
Love comes in many different forms; each one of these forms affecting the person in different ways and each way having a profound impact. To simply lump these five loves into one is not doing justice to any of the forms or to the emotions they bring. Love is something that can come at any time in many ways, and that’s how it should be. That’s part of the miracle of love, the unexpectedness and the feelings it leaves behind.
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i suggest you read CS Lewis's book on the four loves. I think you would enjoy it.