I'm 17, and this year I've shot up in social development. For a large part of my life I was without friends, and without people to communicate with, I was even alienated from my family, as I didn't know how to communicate. But as I've developed, and my ideas better accepted, I've had to fall back on old knowlege to learn how to deal with new social problems.
I realized the kind of image I put out to people when I went to a party, and was there past 1 AM. There was no concern at all from my mother. It wasn't out of carelessness (as it was her car I was at the party with), but out of confident trust. My parents raised me to be a moral person that understands consequences to some actions, and understands basic rules, and adhere to them. My mother trusts me to go where I please, because she is confident that I still follow the rules: I know not to do drugs, not to consume alcohol, and all those other obvious things. I was also raised to be resonsponsible: My parents were seldom ever around, and when I did see them, they didn't pay too much attention, so our relationship was all about trust and responsibility. I was told to do things over the phone, without guarantee of punishment or reward, just to get them accomplished at some point before they arrived. Often these were chores. After years of doing so, I now have nearly limitless personal freedom: I can stay out late, I can bring friends over whether my parents are home/aware or not, I can talk on the phone, use the internet alone without any monitoring, whatever I wish to do.
I think this is an ideal situation for development, save for the whole not being socially developed for years on end. We see children running around getting into trouble, destroying property, etc. And then we see children unable to make their own decisions, being heavily distrusted by their own parents, barely being able to stay over at a friend's house without a criminal record screening and a GPS tracking system attached under their skin. There seems to be few parents that found a middle ground, but I'm pleased to say my own did.
What do you think - should parents trust their teenagers more, or less? Is my situtation good or bad?
Anyway, I'm off to bed. It's 10:42PM. I don't have a 'bedtime requirement', as there's no way my mother could enforce it; I just happen to know that I function better after going to sleep at around 10:30-11.
I think parents trust their teenagers too much. We have a truth bias and we want others to tell us the truth. Parents want their kids to tell them the truth, so even if they don't they believe it anyway. There are situations like yours though that I don't think are bad. It is all built on trust, but some parents just don't want to see their kids for how they truly are.
Odd...but my situation is the same way. I am nerv home and I never talk to my parents and rarely do they talk to me but yet I am a good kid. I have never smoked or drank and I am a senior in HS. Also I am in telligant being in the top %5 of my class. I am holding many responsibilites when it comes to my job and schooling also with sports in between. Even though my mom let me go and do practically whatever I want when I want I am a good kid. I study and I practically support myself.
I'm not sure what way is bext because some kids would take advantage of our situation. I guess it all depends, but I wish I knew for the future for my own kids.
But I know with my own kids I want o be more involved, because I am the only child and I do get very lonely!
*K.Parks*
Not only are you more mature than your average 17 year old, but you aren't doing anything your parents wouldn't want. I totally agree that parents should trust their children. In fact I believe that parents should trust their kids enough that the kids can tell the parents even when they are doing something wrong. The worst in when totally trustworthy kids don't get trust.
I have a much different experience and relationship with my parents. I have always enjoyed their trust, but haven't always done what they trust me to do. This creates a pretty weird situation that I think would have been much improved by being able to tell my parents exactly what I was doing. Being able to tell my parents I was going to go to a party and drink would have been nice, and safer.
Res ipsa loquitur.
Memento mori, mahalo.
Parents who turst thier kids have good kids. Parents who don't trust hier kids have kids that are out of control and make really bad decissions. My parents give me all the freedom in the world and I use it to do what I want. But some how what I want is completely within the law. I don't drink, smoke or do durgs. It seems like the less control parents exercise the better the kids behave. It is kind of oposite of logic, but it is quite true. I have friends with ultra controling parents, and they hate their parents and some times make bad decissions just to piss them off. Its funny because they sometimes do things that they don't really want to do, but they do it anyway just to show they can.
Ah my parents have never trusted me. They think I sleep around and go to tons of parties. I for one has never been to a party, only had 2 boyfriends and never drinked, smoked or done drugs. I believe they think I am a devil child because I "Read fantasy books and play Video games" I can’t have a boyfriend because of his ethnicity and social status. My parents are shallow and controlling and think their way is the only way. My first sleep over is when I was 17! They even take the fingerprints of my friends. For Christ sakes, I can’t wait to move.
I’m even surprised my parents let me go to college with the other "Devil children".
Freedom shall be mine soon enough.
For everyone who is going to ba a parent, please let your child have some freedom. Dont control them to the point where they cant even stand up to society, its been done to me and it a hard road for me to be facing.
Jesus, that's fucking criminal!
Res ipsa loquitur.
Memento mori, mahalo.