What to do when you are so figety that you cannot sit still? What to do when you are so bored with the nothingness that you for a second see it as a good idea to do what you would've never normally done in the first place? What to do when you are absoltuely positively frustrated?!?
I mean I didn't exactly have a bad day. . it was fine. But most of all predictable. I like spontaneous-as long as it is not school related spontaneity, that just gets me crazy. I needed my books but I couldn't find the right one and had no time to read. I needed my Grey's Anatomy from my online Blockbuster thing but it comes tomorrow. ARRGGG!!
It is times like these that I make house calls to people who I have had to time to speak to--normally my college buddies who graduated last year. Though earlier today I scrolled down a familiar name-- Brad.
OH! That makes me so angry! And sad. God! then I'm reminded of our chilled out friendship. I called him in times like these where I just bored and wanted to hear about his life- even though I just tuned it all out. And there would be times where I had to sit still and try to explain to him what the English project or homework is about and how to do it.
ARRRGG!! I have goosebumps now. We've been friends for three years now-- or were. Until my seventeenth birthday arrived, then things changed. He kissed me that weekend of my birthday, one that caught me by surprise. Then he came over my house the next day with his dark blue Dodge truck. The way he looked coming out of his truck to greet me. It still haunts me as I remember how he smelled like soap and how addicting it was to my little nose. His hair was ruffled and wet and he seemed oblivious to himself as his eyes widened and focused on me.
Then as quickly as it started it ended as I ended up-- three times-- telling him when to hang out again. He let me down twice, then just stood me up the third. Haven't spoken since.
It's hard to admit even in a blog that I was stood up, I mean it's NEVER happened before. Great first time huh?
And what is it with those big Dodge trucks and men everywhere owning one? I mean seriously do you really use all that trunk space? Answer me. Everywhere I drive I am bound to see at least ten of them in every size and color. The brand follows me ever, reminding me of who else owns a Dodge.
So I just want to know the impossible answer to me hopeless question. When will I stop searching for his car in the student parking lot? When will he realize that I in fact AM avoiding him? When will he stop smiling at me like if everything is ok?When will I stop being hung up on some loser ex-friend of mine. (I've mentioned him in at least two blogs proir to this one) When can I stop relying on my books for an escape from such a miserable reality and cold hard truth?
All I know is: Thank God Grey's Anatomy arrives tomorrow.
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