I woke up at 4:00AM this morning. I was disoriented and confused. I had no idea where I was and I started having hot flashes. Disturbing images were haunting me from the hellish dreams I had been having. I got out of bed and paced around my house in a desperate attempt to reclaim my sanity. I turned off the heater because I was sweating uncontrollably. My head was pounding and my throat was sore. I became paranoid and had to lay under my covers for fear of nightmarish creatures behind my curtains. More than once did I consider calling my dad from the other room and telling him to take me to a mental hospital.
This morning was an experience for me. I have never in my life felt so scared and helpless in a situation that should not elicit either one of those emotions. As it turns out, I am mentally stable. I think everyone has a crack in their sanity that is occasionally breached by certain events. My event was an unpredictable wave of sickness in the middle of the night.
I am not comparing myself to a patient of an asylum suffering from insanity; I can't even imagine how that would be. But I am comparing myself to what I think it would feel like during that descent to madness. I still remember the overwhelming comfort that enclosed me when I thought of going to an asylum that dreadful morning. Whatever hellish thoughts plagued my subconscious, whatever malicious flu bug attacked my boy, I hope I never have to experience that loss of sanity and full consciousness again.
In our generation, kids, namely teenagers, use terms such as insane, gay and retarded too lightly. Insane means someone suffering from an unsound mind; gay refers to a homosexual and retarded means one's mind does not function correctly. All of these terms are used to lightly just at my high school campus, it detracts from the severity of those issues.
Insane people are just crazies locked away. Gay is negative. Retarded is ignorance and stupidity. It's disgusting how the English language is butchered in modern slang. Using inappropriate terms for such light issues de-value their true meanings and usually have a negative effect on people who those terms apply to.
Next time your parents grounded you because they're "insane," try using UNREASONABLE.
Next time you think an outfit is "gay," try using STUPID.
Next time your friend is being "retarded," try using DIM-WITTED.
Boost your vocabulary and boost your self-worth.
Just something to think about.
Ah, I've had several similar mornings to yours. Mine were all based on my over-active imagination fueled along with feverish hallucinations. Fun times.
I absolutely agree with your on the slang today with the youth. I'm very careful with most of those words because i) I have many gay friends ii) I have a cousin who is mentally disabled, iii) my grandmother was institutionalized once.
I was hospitalized in a psych ward when I was fourteen. It was pure hell. I wasn't even the stereotypical "crazy person".
If you felt that awful though, you should see a doctor about it.