The other day I was talking to a friend of mine, when he mentioned he was a hopeless romantic. I automatically responded, "me too". Two days later, when listening to 103.5's Love Songs on the Coast, I found myself gagging, and poking fun at those hoplessly pathetic souls wallowing in the phantoms of loves long dead. Like that one truly depressing song that goes "Memories, misty watercolored memories, of the way we were". After my little Carlin-esque routine, I reminded those in the car with me that I really am a crazy romantic. However, when I said this, I suddenly felt like quite a hypocrite.
Indeed, after careful analysis (done while I was cleaning my room this morning) I have come to a conclusion; I am a romantic, just not a hapless romantic. Its like that song about smoking pot that goes "hard work good and hard work fine but first take care of head". I'm a very curious little girl, with an over active brain, SO I looked up romantic love on wikipedia. I found a list of requirements for" romantic love":
Properties of romantic love purported by Western culture include:
* It must take you by surprise (the result of a random encounter).
* It cannot be easily controlled.
* It is not overtly (initially at least) predicated on a desire for sex as a physical act.
* If requited it may be the basis for a lifelong commitment.
Wikipedia then goes on to say it rarely if ever happens, although there are many people who dream of it. Do I dream of such love? Well, love, yes. I do. Love with someone who I don't really know, some handsome stranger; not so much. The idea of romantic love as described in pop culture and in movies is the recipe for a crappy life if one uses ony the "heart". I put "heart" in quotations because it is not the seat of emotion. We now know the seat of human emotion to be a part of the brain called the amygdalla. But, that is entirely besides the point.
So what is my point? If you are a 100% romantic dreamer, you are doomed to heart break after heart break. Why? Because emotions are liars. As I have said before, emotions are easily manipulated. Any guy, especially one you don't know very well, can easily puch the right buttons and make you think you are in love. The poor girl, blinded by her happy love bubble, will blindly get her hopes up, only to be heart broken in the end, when he gets bored, and finds a new girl to "fall in love" with. Its a sad, sad cycle.
Why does this happen to so many? Because we are very backwards, thats why. The romantic sees the stranger, and feels love at first sight. She is overwhelmed by her emotions from the start. Then she can't stop thinking about him, so by the time she gets to know him, and gets to know the facts about who he really is, she is already "in love". Its too late; no turning back. The way to do it is the following:
1. KNOW
2.THINK
3.FEEL
Know the person from the begining. Think about them and all the details about their person, and develop a clear opinion on what goes with you and what doesn't. And be honest about it; there is no use in trying to justify flaws in the person just because you think they are hot. Lastly, once you've thought about them enough, and weighed the pros and cons to letting yourself have strong feeling for someone, then you can allow yourself to FEEL that "romantic love".
Sure, with my method, you might end up somewhat alone, but I'd rather be lonely than heartbroken. I don't really want any "misty-watercolored memories" of the way me and anyone were. That's not to say I don't want memories of any sort. Don't get me wrong, I do. I just don't want them to always be memories. I want to end up with whomever I have those memories with. I want that man to be my future husband, not just some ex of mine. Having to get over the memories once its all over, thats the thought I dislike.
You know something funny? Now that I've written this, and am reading it, it seems like I am more of a fool than any hopeless romantic. My future: I won't be heartbroken, because I will have never let anyone in my heart. I'll be filthy rich, but alone. And I'll have no "misty-watercolored" memories to look back on when I die, because no guy will have met my standards. Then again, I won't be in my third failing marriage, with kids from my previous two, because I went and married the handsome strangers because I was "in love". I won't be in a relationship with a man that beats me. And I won't be a sobby, pathetic heartbroken mess. Why? Because I can live with just loving God, my friends, and my family. I can love just as much or more than the next person, it doesn't necesarily need to be directed at someone I'm dating. I may die unmarried, but I will not die lonely. I need not fear that, because I know I love my friends and family enough that loneliness shall never be an issue.
I'm totally a hopeless romantic..and I don't find anything pathetic about it...hey you have to have some dreams in life
I must say that i guess i to am also totally a hopeless romantic... i also find nothing pathetic about it.
yes...go us
I think the thought of not letting something or someone go can be unsettling to some people...but to others it's those thoughts that get you through the day sometimes
Yeah... I too am a hopeless romantic, despite having written this. I personally have a penpal who I'm hopelessly in love with. We went to school together before, but now he's traveling the country, and I write to him, just to say hello, to show him that I still care, and to keep him from forgetting me, in the hopes that he might one day decide to come back years from now, and we can get married and have gorgeous babies. And we could like that couple in the notebook. But idk. There's gotta be a line drawn somewhere, because if I don't draw that line I will totally devote myself to him and he could meet someone else, and I'll get screwed over, and I'll have missed opportunities to meet people who I might be happier with than him. *sigh* Love is such a complex topic isn't it?
haha why did I feel like your comment was my life story...I'm in love with someone that lives 700 miles away...that I've never really met...like we didn't talk when we did...and the sad part is he loves me too...or so he says...but I'm not willing to give up on him...I never have been...and it's paid off b/c this summer he's coming to stay with me for a few days...and maybe one day we'll be together...funny b/c he goes to the college I had originally wanted to go to but then gave up on...and then I met him
I feel you're pain. It's so frustrating...and yet its fun and we do it anyway. It's sort of sublime in that sense.
absolutely...but when things actually pay off it's amazing...painful but amazing
This was great. I don't really call myself a romantic, i don't read romance novels on a day to day basis, in fact I usually try to avoid them, love songs aren't usually my forte', unless they're well done and romance movies, I'm usually the one laughing at them, sitting bored waiting for them to end. I just don't do romance. I know what i'm gonna want in a relationship, but I just never bring myself to seek out random guys just to feel the "love". I do want a lasting relationship, maybe that's a romantic thing, maybe it's not, but I plan to know him before hand. There has been people that I've talked to online, who have wanted to meet me and hopefully start a relationship, but one it's a dangerous thing to agree to, two why? I don't really know them, I've only talked to them online. It felt good when they said that they loved me, but just because they said it, didn't mean I was going to fall into his arms and say it back. Love is something special, it has to be real.