I decided to try to write a book that would enforce an important idea to my children and hopefully keep them safe from just about anything. This world is so full of crazy crazys and feel the need to pack my children with the knowledge they need to be safe, and to keep their friends safe too without scaring them to much.
I was not sure if this story was good enough, to vague, or even inappropriate for a five year old. I really want to teach my children and do what is best for them and I feel I can communicate with them better than some unknow author of other children's books.
Well, like any good person I have also decided to post it here, so that hopefully bright, thoughtful people could give me honest and accurate input.
So Here it is..Let me know please so I do not harm my children more than I help them.
Page 1. Illustration: Series of a boy and girl playing at different things.
Once upon a time, there where two friends, Alex and Sara, that would do EVERYTHING together. They would run and jump together. They would build sand castles together, take turns pushing each other on the swings and go down the slides. They were the best of friends!
Page 2. Illustration: a boy and girl hugging with moms waving in the back ground
As a matter of fact, they were such good friends that at the end of the day, when it was time to go home from school, they would hug each other and promise to play again the next day before getting into their mom’s cars.
Page3. Illustration: Girl and boy chatting on top of slide in a line maybe.
One day, Sarah told Alex, while they were waiting their turn on the slide, that her mom had to work late and she would get a ride home from someone else. As Alex went down the slide, he said “Cool! Sitters are fuuuu-uun!” and waited at the bottom for Sara to have her turn. She giggle all they way down the slide. The bell rang and it was time for class again.
Page 4. Illustration: Girl looking out window of sitter’s car waving.
After school was out, Alex and Sara hugged and promised to have fun tomorrow. Alex got into mom’s truck and Sara got into the sitter’s car. They waved bye to each other looking forward to the next day.
Page5. Illustration: Girl sitting with a sad-ish face and curious/concerned boy looking at her.
The next day, Sara was real quiet and shy. She did not feel like having fun with Alex. She just sat around looking sad. Alex asked Sara “What’s wrong…are you sick?” Sara just shook her head no and looked around. Alex just sat next to her because he was her friend. Sara bent over and whispered a secret into his ear about why she did not feel well. “That is not good!” said Alex and told her she should tell the teacher. Sara said but the sitter said not to tell and did not want to go.
Page 6. Illustration: a boy with imagination bubble of mom talking strictly on half and the other half with them walking hand in hand
Alex remembered what his mom said, “If ANYBODY ever tells you ‘not to tell’ and it makes you feel bad then you HAVE to tell”. He turned to Sara and said “I will go with you” and they held hands all the way to the teacher’s desk.
Page 7. Illustration: Teacher on the phone with a comforting hand on child’s shoulder
They told the teacher and she was very proud of Alex and Sara. She made a phone call and Sara’s mom came right away. Alex’s mom came too.
Page 8. Illustration: Kids coloring, approving happy looking adults talking in the back ground
Later, while Sara and Alex colored together, there was a bunch of adults standing around talking about what a brave girl Sara was to tell and what a good friend Alex was for helping her. They decided to have a ‘Good Job’ Party.
Page 9. Illustration: Kids at party with pizza, balloons and ribbons and/or a certificate
There was pizza and cake and balloons and all their friends and parents. They both got a prize. Sara was happy again and Alex and she would be best friends forever.
THE END
I thought it was pretty good.
Any advice or insight I could give you probably wouldn't help out much, because if I think "you weren't vague" a child might. I'd say you should approach someone--writer, teacher, health specialist--about this subject with the manuscript and ask them if the story is appropriate for the age group or if something needs to be changed.
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Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
For your response. It is a good idea to check with others. I plan on asking many of my other "resources" before I go ahead and make it into a little book for my kids.
All insight and editing is always helpful. Esspecially when the writter is a overloaded person with no time on her hands;) and is new to the writting world.
Thanks again and good luck with your experiences.
~Tanya
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
If you are "new to writing" like you said, maybe you'd like to consider taking some sort of writing course? I took a correspondence course and I feel way more confident writing, plus I understand the writer's market better.
And if you ever happen to find a site where writers can post unfinished stories and get them critiqued by other writers, let me in on it! I'd love to take part in a community like that.
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Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
I think it is really important to talk to kids about this stuff. I like how you address the idea that some secrets are dangerous without presenting the actual scary situation to the kids. That gives the parent the opportunity to discuss different scenarios with their child in a way they feel is most appropriate.
I would recommend including a companion publication for parents with some guidelines for talking to their children about what the secret might be, and which secrets are not safe to keep.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
That is a really good inpput. about a companion publication or a parental side note. The bearenstein bears has something like that in their book about strangers. But my boy just does not connect those books with reality.
Good tip. I wrote it to be flexible and apply to anything.
Thank you.
~Tanya
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
I think the companion guide gives parents a starting point and a vocabulary for addressing the issue. Parents often avoid tough topics because they don't know how to approach it in a safe, clear way that kids will understand. I'm sure there is probably a child psychologist or social worker out there who would be willing to help you draft the guidelines.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I had considered going to one of my college's teachers or one of my son's teachers or pediatric nurse (as per the first comment) but I had never considered a child psychologist or social worker. I probably should have given all the nasty things the kids around here have been exposed to.
Thank you for bring yet another good idea to the 'table',
~Tanya
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
...or maybe even just a note at the end of the book that lets parents know this is the time to talk. Remind parents that they shouldn't wait, because you never know what could happen.
My family had a scare once. I was probably 5 and I was playing in the front yard while two other children played in their front yard next door. A man came up in a car and parked on the side of the road, asking us if we'd seen his lost dog. I told my dad and a few minutes later I'm talking to this female police officer about the guy. They thought he might be some sort of kidnapper. I don't know if he was, but it is still smart to play it safe.
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This is a signature, an automated thingy that pops up when I comment, not a demand to see my blog!
Mind Control is Easier Than You Think