in which we discuss virginity, or lack thereof

Sex is great? I guess? I'm a virgin, and I honestly think at one time I could have not been one, but it just doesn't seem that big of a deal to me in the end. I mean sure, it sounds great, but I'd rather wait than not. Just my preference.

Sex is not a big deal anymore, and a lot of teens are having it. It's normal to want to have sex. Its a question of if you personally are ready.

This is gonna sound sorta crazy, but I personally choose not to have sex, because I, like you, do not think that I can handle it emotionally. Throughout high school, I had seen a number of girls, many of whom I was friends with, enter into a relationship, have sex, break up and then be a total mess for months, because they had given their virginity to someone who they thought they loved, but who obviously did not love them back (and if you are only with someone to have sex with them, it is probably not love anyways, but that is another story).

Despite the number of reasons that I could choose not to have sex, I think the overarching reason why I don't, is because I am so afraid of pregnancy. I understand that there are plenty ways of protecting yourself, but condoms break and my experiences with birth control (for reasons other than sex of course) have not exactly given me much confidence in it.

I like your blog because it addresses the male perspective. I thank you because I definitely would not have the balls to ask my male friends, or any male for that reason about their perspective on the issue. I am definitely gonna check back to see what they comment.

I just want to offer you some advice that has been given to me many times by my older sibling and by a number of good friends. Save your virginity for someone that you truly love, because once you get rid of it, you can never get it back. Too many girls get caught up in the moment and forget that.

I wasnt ready when I lost mine, and I look back now and regret what I've done. I'm still with that person but even if you love somebody it still hurts when you're not emotionally ready. I've had my share of messing around but only going all the way with one person, my boyfriend. I'm not ashamed to talk about it but I do feel offended when i'm looked down upon the fact of my actions. I can't say that I was pressured into having sex but i was caught up in the feeling of..lol the temptation. But if you're not ready you're not and I respect you on your choices I think i'd feel a bit more better and secure of myself and my actions too if i had waited.

Well, I say that you should wait until you find the right person. This is a delicate issue and I will admit that I have talked to my friends about it. We made a pack to tell eachother when we are not virgins anymore. Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but we did. I have been pressured to give it up a couple of times, but I don't want guys to just "hit it, and quit it." I want a guy who actually cares about me, for me. Sometimes guys just care about looks, but personality matters most to me.

Plus, when I do decide to have sex I want someone that I know I will spend the rest of my life with or that I can just have a serious talk about anything. I do not want to be one of those girls who are crying because "so and so" broke up. This is something special and only happens once in your life time. I do not want to be one of those girls who want to have a surgery to become virgins again, I hear it's painful. Did you know that a surgery existed? Apparently, in a certain culture women who are raped, can be killed if they are not virgin wives to their husbands. I found it interesting when I was flipping the channels a while back.

~The Writer~
look..most of the people who have commented are virgins so I don't see how that really helps you at all. I'm a guy, here's my perspective.
I don't know if you like to use "code words" or euphemisms for sexual acts, but here's the blunt version.

Guys are ready for sex because our sexual organs are external, so basically first time any guy masturbates or has a wet dream, bam, there goes virginity. More or less.

It's not a huge deal for us and doesn't come with the emotional baggage that's attached with girls. You have a thin wall that gets broken when you have sex for the first time and, on top of that, you also have to deal with pregnancy-scares (Which i've had plenty of to deal with my girlfriend and they are not fun), STDs, and all that other great stuff.

I've dated girls who have said no when I asked, and I've dated girls who have said yes, and I've even dated girls who have said yes but I said no. The biggest part is you need to make sure both you and your partner are ready for it and can accept any consequences that come with those actions. Make sure you really trust them and you're aware of any other people they have slept with and any possible diseases they have had.

Get your HPV shot and get on birth control. Use spermicide and condoms as well. I know it may detract from "the mood" but "the mood" becomes "the big stupid mistake" very fast in some cases. There is even a morning after pill you should look into.

No matter what make sure its SAFE, and its PLANNED.

Oh, and...the little girl ideal of "I want it to be with the perfect guy and we'll be together forever and ever" most likely won't happen, so don't feel like he "owes it to you" to stay together since you gave him you're v-card.
Guys don't think that way and you shouldn't expect them too. It's sociologically proven that the males have an innate desire to reproduce as much as possible with as many partners as possible and ESPECIALLY since your only 17 don't be looking for him to "settle down".

Also, I would like to add, I wouldn't count on it being some picturesque perfect moment. Most likely it'll be in one of your cars, rushed, and you hope to god no one sees you and your parents don't find out.

But it CAN and SHOULD be with a PERSON that it feels right with.
That's most important of all and I hope you make the right decisions.

My advice? Experiment. First of all, masturbate. Seriously. Learn how to have an orgasm, if you haven't already. Try different techniques. Try sex toys. Learn what sex feels like, how your body reacts to stimulation, etc.

Then, if you want to, find a partner. And go as slow as you want. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 30, if you don't want to have sex for whatever reason. There's also nothing wrong with having sex at 12, if you want to and you're emotionally mature and are safe about it.

I'm not a virgin because I was raped and ended up prostituting myself and shit like that when I was sixteen. I eventually had consensual sex with my boyfriend. Why? Because I wanted to. Because I was utterly in love with him, and him with me, and I wanted to experience sex in that way. It completely changed my outlook on sex and I stopped having casual sex (except for a brief, er, relapse). Right now I am single and celibate by choice. I have nothing against casual sex but simply don't feel it's the right thing for me at this time.

I was seventeen when I lost my virginity and it was a week after I graduated high school. Most of my friends were already having sex, some as early as the eigth grade. I just didn't want my first time to be some drunk night with a guy I didn't care about. Those times came after I got to have my first with someone that I truly loved and cared about. No it didn't last forever, even though we both talked like it would, but it meant something to me. I am glad that I waited even while all my other friends were doing it. Like I said after that boyfriend and I broke up, I went to casual sex for awhile, but even that is not always so casual. If it happens more than once someone is bound to have some sort of feelings no matter how small they may be.
Like Zephyr said, even though I loved the guy I lost my virginity to, it was still in the back of his truck off some back road hoping nobody would drive by.

Sex is awesome, when you truly have a connection with the person you are having relations with. I love my virginity when iwas 16, to my highschool boyfriend, in a hotel room. It sucked, and we broke up a month later.

I never truly enjoyed sex untill after i met my husband. When you are really in love with the person, it is more personal, and more real. I really wish i had waited untill i was more mature.. I put myself at risk for catching STDS, Thank goodness i never caught anything.

Just to let you know, in the case you do decide to become active, like the previous guy said, check yourself for HPV. guys do not show symptoms and there is no test to test them for it. Also, make sure you get a pap test at least every year. i do mione every 6 months when i have to go in for my BC refill.

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